The Space Between
by AllBeautyDestroyed
Summary: Some things are better left unsaid. Some things are better left undone. Unfortunately she didn't do either.
1. Someone Should Have Warned Me

**A/N: I am so completely excited about this story. It will be a while before I update, but I wanted to share it with you guys. Review it please and tell me what you think. This is going to be a very long and emotional story. I just can't wait. Lol. Anyway, thank you guys for reading my stories. I will continue my updates of "Make Damn Sure" and "Love Me Back To Life" as usual. Follow me on twitter if you haven't already! AViolentEmotion**

As we drove toward the house, I was nervous. He gave me a warm smile and squeezed my hand. "Relax." He said softly. "They're going to love you." He added.

I smiled and let out the breath I had been holding. He had proposed to me a week ago. Without hesitation, I said yes. He was everything I wanted. Handsome, kind, patient. He was just perfect. Now that we were engaged, he wanted me to meet his family. I was excited and nervous. He always talked about his family and I knew he loved them very much. As we pulled up to his family home, I could see his eyes light up. He quickly opened the door and exited the vehicle. I watched as he jumped into the arms of a rather scruffy looking dark haired man. They shoved each other and laughed. I carfully stepped out of the car and smoothed my clothes. He drug what I assumed to be his brother over to meet me.

"Hi. I'm Shane." He said smiling warmly and extending his hand.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Selena." I say as I take his hand in mine returning the smile. I can feel the hard callouses on his palms.

"This knucklehead has told me a lot about you." He said grabbing Nate and ruffling his hair.

"Where's Demi?" Nate asked looking around as he pushed his older brother away playfully.

"You know how she is, wild as the wind." I heard another voice say from the front door. I watched as an older man made his way toward us. His hair was dark like Shane's and Nate's. I assumed that he was their father. He was tall and looked very sturdy. He walked over to Nate and wrapped him up in a tight hug. "It's good to see you son." He said smiling. "This must be Selena." He stated as he took my hand in his.

"Yes." I answered with a smile.

"My name is Steve." He said. I immediately noticed the mischievous sparkle in his eye.

"I'm so happy to meet you." I tell him. "Nate talks about you guys all the time."

"It will be nice to have another woman around the house." Steve smiled. "You're staying for the summer?" He asked.

"Yes." Nate said smiling at his father. "I figured it would allow everyone to get to know each other before the wedding."

"I'm looking forward to it." I chime in.

"I'm gonna head inside and help Connie finish up supper. I'll see you in a bit sweetheart." He said to me. "Nate." He said as he patted his son on the back and headed back into the house.

"Hey look!" Shane pointed out towards one of the pastures. "Here she comes." He added with a sideways grin.

I looked in the direction he was pointing. It was the first time I ever saw her. She was riding a horse full speed behind a herd of cattle. I watched as she leaned forward in the saddle and slapped the horses hindquarters with her reins. Her long brown hair flowed behind her. A wide brimmed cowboy hat was perched on top of her head. Shane quickly ran over to one of the pens and opened the gate. I could feel the ground thundering under my feet as she drew closer with the herd. I watched as Nate and Shane directed the cattle to the entrance of the pen. They all went through the opening and as quickly as it all happened, it was over. I watched as Nate walked over to the woman perched on the horse. She immediately jumped down and wrapped her arms around Nate, lifting him off the ground and shaking him.

"Little brother!" I heard her exclaim loudly. "You're still as ugly as I remembered!" She teased him as she let him go. She had one of the most amazing smiles I had ever seen. I frowned as I realized that my camera was still packed. I made a mental note to get it out of my luggage as soon as possible.

"I have someone I want you to meet Dem." He said smiling at the brown haired woman. He led her over to where I stood. I watched as she removed her hat and let it hang on her back. She removed the leather gloves she was wearing and took my hands in hers. I was surprised at how soft they were. I felt the hair on the back of my neck raise.

"She is absolutely beautiful." She told Nate as she held my gaze. Her brown eyes were intense. Blushing I looked down. "My name is Demi." She said smiling and releasing my hands.

"Selena." I said quietly. I could still feel the heat from her fingertips when she released my hands.

"We should take her inside to meet mom." I heard Shane say.

"I think Demi needs a bath first!" I heard Nate say as he doused her with the hose.

"You little shit!" I heard her growl as Nate took off running, and she followed.

"Run Nate! Run!" I heard Shane yell as he laughed loudly.

I watched with a smile as Demi caught him and wrestled him to the ground. She proceeded to give him what I can only describe as a "wedgie". Once she's satisfied that he was properly humiliated, she headed back toward the house. "I'll see you in a bit." She says. "I'm gonna take a shower." She smiles. As she walks away, we make eye contact. She holds my gaze longer than I am comfortable with and I look away blushing. Something in the way she looks at me is almost predatory. It was unnerving. I swallow a lump in my throat and remind myself to breathe.

"You ok?" Nate asks as he adjusts himself.

"Umm, yeah. I'm good. Just a long drive, that's all." I say smiling and rubbing my neck.

"Let's go." He says, wrapping his arm around my waist as we walked inside.

Once I was inside the house, Nate introduced to his mother, Connie. She was delightful and sweet. It was apparent that the boys and Steve loved her very much. As everyone sat down for dinner, Demi reappeared. I almost choked on my drink at the sight of her. I couldn't help but wonder what the hell was wrong with me. I quickly dismissed the strange feelings she was stirring within me.

"I'm so happy to have you all home." I heard Nate's mother say.

"I'm sure they are all happy as well." Steve added. "So, tell us Selena, what do you do for a living?"

"I'm a photographer." I answered.

"Really?" Demi asked. "What kind of photos do you take?" She asked as she leaned back in her chair.

"I like to capture people or places in their natural state. I don't know it that makes sense." I answer.

"It does." She says with a smile. "You take pictures when no one is looking."

"Yes pretty much." I respond.

The rest of dinner passed with light conversation and lots of laughter. I felt completely welcome and comfortable. As I watched Demi from across the table, I immediately saw that same mischievous glint her father had in his eyes in her eyes. I quickly looked away when I realized she had caught me staring. She simply smiled and winked at me then picked up her beer and took a drink. Once dinner was done, Connie went to bed and Shane and Nate went to smoke cigars and drink some scotch with their father. I decided to explore the house and take a few pictures. As I wandered around, I saw Demi sitting on the wrap around deck. She had the sliding glass door open and she was holding a beer. She seemed to be staring off into the distance. The moonlight cast a half shadow across her face. I brought my camera up and snapped several pictures. I couldn't wait to see how they turned out.

I decided to go outside and join her. I walked out to the railing and looked across the dark landscape. She sat and watched me in silence for a few moments.

"It's beautiful isn't it?" I heard her ask.

"Yes. It really is." I answered.

"You were staring at me earlier. Why?" She asked. I heard her footfalls as she stood and leaned against the railing next to me. I felt her shoulder touch mine and immediately my heart started to beat fast. She was almost suffocating. It was like the air around her was heavy.

"I don't know." I say softly. It was the truth. I really had no clue why I was staring at her.

"Hmm." She grunted as she took another drink of her beer. "I think I might be slightly drunk." She laughed nudging me with her elbow.

I glanced over at her and smiled. "So it would seem."

"What do you like to do for fun?" She asked wrinkling her nose.

"Umm, I usually take naps or read." I tell her.

"Are you fucking serious?" She asks laughing loudly. "I love naps!" She smiled.

"What about you?" I ask.

"I like to play guitar and write." She says. "Assuming I'm not napping!" She adds with a chuckle. I watch as she brings the beer to her lips and drains the rest of the bottle in four gulps. "I also drink beer."

I can't help but laugh as she leans into me. I immediately feel the goosebumps that prick my skin.

"Are you cold?" She asks as she removed her jacket and wrapped it around my shoulders.

"Thank you." I say softly. As I breathe, I am assaulted by her scent. She is completely wrapped around me. It's intoxicating. I turn to face her, our noses accidentally brush against each other. We both stop dead in our tracks as we make eye contact. As I look into her eyes, I feel the heat rise in my cheeks as I recognize the intense desire burning in their depths. She quickly pulls away and returns to her seat. I remind myself to breathe and slowly walk into the house.

As I got ready for bed, I had an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. Why am I reacting this way to Nate's sister? It was unnerving. She had this prescence about her, it was almost magnetic. She was fascinating. I literally knew nothing about her except for the small details Nate had told me. He had mentioned that she was a brilliant singer and she had a bit of a rebellious streak. She loved fast cars and faster women. He failed to mention how extremly attractive and slightly cocky she was. I found her attitude to be charming and annoying at the same time. I didn't like the way she looked at me either. It was invasive and like I said earlier, predatory. After I settled into bed I closed my eyes, I couldn't get her out of my head. When i finally fell alseep I dreamed of my fiance's tattooed sister.

The next morning I woke up alone. It didn't surprise me, Nate hadn't seen his family in a while and I know he was excited to be here. I smiled as I stretched my sleepy body and climbed out of bed. I loved it here. I took a shower, dressed and headed downstairs, camera in hand ready to spend my day taking pictures.

"Hey Connie." I greeted Nate's mom. "Have you seen Nate?"

"He might be out in the shop." She answered with a smile. "It's right outside across from the house." She informed me.

"Thank you." I smiled at the older woman.

"Your're welcome dear." She answered as I walked out of the house.

I approached the shop and noticed a pair of legs clad in back skinny jeans and Chuck Taylors sticking out from under the front end of a 1969 Chevy Chevelle. I smiled as I remembered how he talked about wanting to own one of these. It didn't surprise me to find him underneath one.

"Hey baby." I said softly.

I watched as he pushed himself out from under the car. I blushed as soon as I saw the tattooed forearm reach out and grab the bumper for extra leverage. Shit, I thought.

She stood up and smirked. "We just met and you're already calling me baby." She said as her smirk melted into a sly grin. She was so annoying.

"I thought you were someone else." I said trying to remain calm.

"Mmmm. You sure?" She asked raising an eyebrow.

"Yes. I'm sure."

She took a step closer and I had to resist the urge to wipe the grease smudge off her cheek. She smiled at me brilliantly and brushed a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "You wanna go for a ride?" she asked smiling and motioning toward the car.

"Look, that's a really nice smile and I'm sure you're used to it to getting you whatever you want, but I'm not that girl." I stated nervously.

"Well you know what they say about nice smiles and nice cars..." Her voice was low and raspy.

"Yes, they are overrated." I interrupted as I took a step toward the exit.

"I'll see you around." She called out as I turned and walked away. I could feel her eyes on my ass the entire time.

As I walked back toward the house I spotted Nate with Shane saddling a pair of horses.

"Hey!" He called out and waved once he saw me approaching.

"Hey." I said giving him a quick peck on the lips. "What are you guys doing?" I asked.

"We're gonna check the fence up on the ridge line." Shane answered. "Wanna come?" He asked.

"No. I'm gonna hang out around here and take some pictures. Maybe next time."

"You sure babe?" Nate asked.

"Yeah. Im sure. Have fun." I said befor leaning in for a soft kiss.

"We will be back in a couple hours. You should go hang out with Demi." He said.

I looked at Shane when he let out an exaggerated laugh. "Have fun with that." He said rolling his eyes. "She's on a good one today."

"How so?" Nate asked.

"I'm gonna give you some advice when it comes to her." Shane said looking at me. "Don't get too attached. It gets messy."

"What does that even mean?" Nate asked his expression confused.

"She's just been a huge pain in the ass lately." Shane said without elaborating further.

"If you say so bro." Nate said. "Anyway, we will be home later. I love you." He said as he climbed onto the horse and rode away.

"Keep your distance." Shane said quietly as he rode off.

As soon as they left I shook my head. "What the hell?" I muttered to no one. That was extremely weird and awkward. What was he talking about. Keep your distance? What did that even mean? As I walked back toward the house, I saw Demi pulling a Harley out of the garage. She had put on a pair of sunglasses and a leather jacket. I heard the loud roar of the motorcycles engine as she started it up. She revved it a couple times before I watched the bike slowly move forward and her feet lift off the ground and rest on the foot pegs. I watched as she sped down the dirt driveway toward the highway. I wondered where she was going.

I spent the rest of the day taking pictures. It was relaxing. Once the sun started to set, I returned to the house and helped Connie prepare dinner. I heard Shane and Nate as ther boots thumped on the hardwood deck outside. I could hear them laughing as they walked through the door.

"Hey boys." Connie greeted them.

Shane leaned in and gave his mother a kiss on the cheek. "Hey Ma." He said.

"Hey mom." Nate smiled.

"How was your ride today?" Connie asked.

"It was good. We found some fence that needs repaired. Demi and I can take care of it tomorrow." Shane answered.

"Hey babe." Nate said wrapping his arm around me.

"Nate! You smell!" I exclaimed laughing.

"You boys go get washed up for dinner." Connie told them.

I watched as they disappeared down the hallway.

"He really loves it here." I stated with a smile.

"He's always been a country boy at heart." His mom said. "It was his dream to be a lawyer. He's successful now that he's in the city. Not to mention he met you." Connie said with a smile.

"I'd love to have the wedding out here. Your ranch is amazing." I said.

"Well, I don't see why that would be a problem. How about we do the wedding at the end of the summer?" She asked.

"I'm sure Nate won't mind. I'll talk to him tonight."

"You do that honey." She said with a warm smile.

Once the tab,e was set, the rest of the family made there way into the dinning room for dinner. I immediately noticed that Demi was absent.

"Demi not coming?" Nate asked.

"She took off on her bike today." His father answered. "There's no telling when she'll get back."

"Figures." Shane mumbled. "She knows we got shit to do tomorrow."

"Shane!" Connie scolded. "Language."

"Yes ma'am." He apologized.

"It looks a bear took out the fence up on the ridge line." Nate said to his father.

"Demi's bear?" Steve asked.

"It's missing a toe in its footprint." Shane replied as he took a drink of his beer.

"I'm lost. Demi has a bear?" I asked.

Shane and Nate both laughed. "When we were younger, we were camping and this big grizzly wandered into our camp. Demi, being the reckless, crazy person that she is, got it to follow her away from us by being loud and threatening toward it. She pissed it off. Anyway, she ended up getting backed into a tree and it clawed the shit out of her arm. She managed to stab it in its foot and took one of its toes and claws with her. It ran away and we've randomly seen it around. She had the chance to shoot it couple years ago, but for some reason she didn't." Nate explained.

"Oh my god." I said shocked.

"She did it to protect Nate." Shane said. "Demi is the kind of person that once she makes a promise, she keeps it. She promised dad that we would take care of Nate. He's the baby after all."

"It's true." Nate said. "She's looked after me since we were kids."

"She's a damn fool." Steve grumbled. "One of these days she's gonna get herself killed." He added.

"You should get to know her better Sel." Nate said to me. "She's a huge part of my life."

"Ok." I said smiling.

Once dinner was finished, Nate and I went upstairs to our room.

"I wanted to ask you something." I said to him as I laid down on the bed.

"Anything." He said laying next to me.

"I wanna get married here at the end of the summer." I said hopefully. "Can we?" I asked.

He smiled. "Absolutely." He said as he leaned in and kissed me.

I woke up and saw the moonlight shinning through the window. I looked over at the clock on the nightstand and groaned. It was only 2:30 am. I got out of bed and went downstairs to make some tea. As I walked through the kitchen, I noticed the sliding glass door was open. I looked around before carefully walking toward the open door. I could hear the soft sound of a guitar and one of the most beautiful sopranos I've ever heard singing. I saw her sitting on the hard wood of the deck. Her legs were crossed and in her lap, she had a guitar. She was singing something that I had never heard before. I stayed in the doorway and listened.

"I know you're there." She stated as she stopped singing but continued to strum the instrument.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to intrude." I said slightly embarrassed.

"It's fine." She said her tone soft. "Would you like to sit?" She asked.

Against my better judgment, I agreed. "Sure." I said calmly, as I sat on the couch behind her.

"Trouble sleeping?" She asked as she shifted to face me.

"Yeah. I woke up and decided to make tea." I explained.

"I guess the insomnia explains your love of naps." She smiled.

"I guess so." I said smiling back. "What about you?" I asked.

"I'm a night owl." She said. "I like the night sky. There's nothing more beautiful." She said, looking directly into my eyes. There it was. That look. Her dark brown eyes bored into my soul.

I cleared my throat. "They told me a out your bear."

"And?"

"I can't tell if you're fearless or just reckless."

"Maybe I'm both." She said, her eyes flickering towards my lips. She stood and put down the guitar. I watched as she walked out into the yard. I immediately missed her. I wanted her closer. I got up and followed her into the yard. I gasped as my bare feet touched the cool wet grass. Once I caught up to her, she turned around and faced me.

"Lena." She whispered. "What are you doing." She asked with a low raspy voice.

"I don't know." I said as I felt her cup my cheek and brush her thumb across my lips.

"Do you feel that?" She asked as her hand dropped back to her side.

I nodded. "I can't." I whispered.

She didn't say anything. I knew what was about to happen. Looking back I should have walked away, but I couldn't. She was like gravity and I was powerless. No matter how much I wanted to run, I still wanted her more. I knew nothing about her but I wanted her to be mine. The moment her lips touched mine, she crushed me. I had never felt a more powerful kiss. Her lips were soft and she tasted like mint and Jack Daniels. Her tongue massaged mine, like she'd kissed me a million times before. I heard the soft moan that escaped my throat as she pulled me into her body. My mind was screaming at me to stop, but my body said otherwise. Her hands gripped my hips tightly as she continued her assault on my lips. Before I knew what hit me, she was storming toward the house while I stood there wondering what the hell just happened.


	2. This Type Of Thinking Could Do Us In

**A/N: I really just couldn't wait to continue this story. Thank you for the reviews! You guys are awesome. Enjoy!**

As I walked back into the house, I knew I was in deep shit. I shouldn't have kissed her. She's marrying my little brother. What the hell was I thinking? I slammed the door as I entered the house and stomped upstairs to my room. I threw myself into my bed and let out a shaky breath. I had no idea what the hell I was supposed to do. The second I saw her, it was like a fire ignited in my chest. She was mesmerizing. I literally couldn't take my eyes off of her. I knew it was wrong, but I wanted her badly. Frustrated, I kicked off my boots and climbed into my blankets. I didn't even bother getting undressed. I drifted into a dreamless sleep and before I knew it, the sun was peeking through my curtains.

I stumbled out of bed and got into the shower. Shane and I had to fix a damaged fence today and quite honestly I welcomed the distraction. I came out to here to get away from my problems in LA, not make more.

"Mornin' shithead." I said to Shane as I walked into the kitchen. He lightly shoved me as I passed by.

"You ready to do some real work?" He asked with a smirk.

"If you're implying that I don't actually work for a living, I'm gonna whoop your ass Shana." I said to him, purposely referring to him as a girl.

"Someone's extra grumpy this morning." He said laughing.

"No, you're just stupid." I said with a smirk. "Come on. Lets get going." I said. As I turned around, I ran right into Selena.

"S...sorry." She stammered, as she grabbed a hold of the counter to balance herself. I could tell she was extremely nervous.

"It's ok. It's my fault. I wasn't paying attention." I said, touching her arm lightly. She immediately pulled it away.

"Are you hurt?" I asked.

"Umm, no I'm fine. I just need..."

"Well this super awkward." Joe interrupted with a grin.

"Fuck off." I grumbled. "Let's go." I say as I move past Selena and walk outside.

I went into the stables and grabbed a halter for my horse. I could hear Shane behind me doing the same thing. Once we had our horses ready to go, we rode off toward the ridge line.

"So what was that all about?" He asked me as we rode side by side.

"What?" I said shrugging.

"You know what? She looked like she couldn't wait to get away from you." He said raising an eyebrow. I reached over and knocked his hat off his head.

"It's nothing." I answer. "I don't think she likes me much." I say with a smirk.

"We'll I can't even imagine why. You're so warm and welcoming." He teased as he rolled his eyes.

"Can we just drop it?" I asked him.

"Aww, poor Demi is all butthurt." He said in a whiny mocking tone.

"Dude, there are literally no witnesses out here and I have a gun..." I warned.

He laughed and we continued to ride in silence. Once we made it to the damaged fence, I got down off my horse to inspect the damage.

"Damn." I said. "He tore the shit out of this fence."

"Yup. It's fucking mangled." Shane said from his horse. "Like most of your relationships." He added laughing loudly.

I rolled my eyes. "You're seriously the oldest?"

"Brains and beauty." He said smiling.

"Get off your high horse." I quipped "And lets get this shit fixed."

We spent the next couple of hours repairing the fence. Once we finished, we headed back toward the house. I was grumpy and ready to be home. Shane was gettin on my last nerve.

"What are you doing here anyway Dem?" He asked. "Dad told me that you had said something about moving back here. What are you running from?"

"I'm not running from anything Shane. I'm just tired of LA." I answered.

"Bullshit." He said. "I know you."

"Not as well as you think you do." I snapped back. "I told you, I'm just sick of the city."

"It's not like you have the kind of life you can just leave without explanation Dem." He said seriously.

"Don't fucking remind me." I mumbled.

"Speaking of which, do you think Selena realized who you were?" He asked smiling.

"I'm pretty sure that unless she lives under a rock, she knows who I am." I say, looking at him like he's absolutely stupid.

"I don't know." He said, clicking his tongue. "I don't think she knows."

"You're stupid." I say. "Nate probably told her."

"Nate didn't tell her shit! She's clueless." Shane teased.

"Will you just shut up. I don't want to talk about Selena anymore." I tell him.

"She's super hot. I'd hit it." He says randomly. "What do you think?"

I roll my eyes. This fucking guy. You have no idea, I think to myself. I let out a sigh. "No. She's not my type."

He didn't say anything. He just smirked and shook his head. We got back to the house with several hours to spare before dinner. I decided to spend it napping. I walked over to the big oak in the middle of the yard and leaned up against it. I lowered my hat over my eyes and folded my hands across my stomach. I could feel the light breeze as it tickled my arms. Once I was relaxed I felt myself drift into a peaceful slumber.

I woke up slightly startled. Someone had kicked my leg. It wasn't a hard kick but it wasn't exactly friendly either.

"Get up. We need to talk." I heard Selena say.

"Go away. I'm sleeping." I grumbled.

I felt her snatch my hat off my head. "I don't really care." She said in response. She was frowning.

"I like it when you're angry." I smirk. "So forceful."

She looked like she wanted to slap me. "Can you stop with the innuendo. It's inappropriate."

"Sure." I answer, looking her up and down. She had nice hips.

"Whatever this thing is that's happening, it needs to stop." She said her voice cracking slightly.

"And what exactly is it that you think is happening?" I asked. I couldn't help but smile. I found this entire confrontation amusing. "Are you attracted to me?" I added trying to get a rise out of her.

"Absolutely not!" She sputtered. Trying to look completely horrified. It wasn't really working, I could see right through it.

"Then whats the issue?" I asked nonchalantly.

"Are you fucking serious right now?" She said narrowing her eyes at me. I could tell she was getting annoyed with me. She folded her arms across her chest and rested her weight on one leg causing her hips to stick out slightly.

"Oh, you must still have you panties in a bunch from when we kissed."

"We kissed? No, you kissed me." She said pointing at me me angrily.

"That's not what I remember." I said as I pushed myself up onto my feet. "I distinctly remember you participating completely and quite...eagerly I might add." I stated as I walked closer to her. "In fact." I said tracing my fingers along her shoulder to her throat, pausing at the hollow in her neck. "I remember the way you moaned when I pulled you in close." She bit her bottom lip as I invaded her personal space. I could tell she was extremely nervous. Her face was flushed and she was breathing heavier than normal.

"Stop." She whispered.

"As you wish." I answered and I walked away, leaving her standing once again in the yard to contemplate what the hell just happened.

I went inside and grabbed a beer out of the fridge. I saw Nate sitting at the chess table with dad.

"Ah, a battle of intelligence." I said as I pulled a chair over, turning it so that the back of the chair was facing them. I lifted a leg over the seat and rested my arms on the back of the chair as I watched them play. I heard Selena stomp into the house. Nate glanced up and shook his head.

"Could you stop pissing her off?" He asked me.

"Me?" I said my voice slightly high.

"Yes. You. Demi." He said seriously.

"I haven't done anything!" I lied.

"Sometimes it's not what you've done Demi that causes someone to be upset, it's what you don't do." I heard my dad say as he glanced up at me from behind his glasses.

"Dad, are you serious? I have no idea what that even fucking means?" I say sighing.

"It means stop being an asshole and go fix whatever youve done." Nate said raising an eyebrow. "She's going to be my wife. You need to get along."

"Exactly. Your wife. Not mine. Your problem. Not mine."

"You're unbelievable." Nate said shaking his head.

"I'll catch you later." I said as I got up and walked away. I felt like public enemy number one right now.

I went upstairs and picked up my guitar. I closed my eyes and remembered the sound of a sold out arena. I smiled and sat down on my bedroom floor. I started to play my guitar and I just let my feelings guide the music. I found my thoughts drifting to Selena. That girl made me want to do very bad things. I know that she's my brothers fiancé, but I wanted to taste her. I've always been the type of person that wants things that they can't have. Once the novelty wears off, I move on. I wanted to conquer her. I wanted to hear my name on her lips as I touched every inch of her body.

Once I had grown tired of playing my guitar, I went back downstairs for another beer. I felt slightly buzzed and I decided to go find Selena. I ja an overwhelming desire to see her squirm. It didn't take me too long to find her and once I did, I didn't bother with any pleasantries.

"I have a proposition for you." I say as I lean against the doorframe to the living room.

"And what's that?" She asked. I smiled when she didn't even look up from her book.

"There's an undeniable sexual tension between the two of us." I state, sounding completely bored. I smirk when she lowered her book.

"Excuse me?" She questioned.

"You heard me." I said. "I have solution." I added.

She rolled her eyes. "What might that be?"

"Let's fuck." I said.

Her mouth opened in shock. "You're a real piece of work."

"So I've been told." I answer dryly.

"Absolute not. I would never cheat on Nate with you or anyone else. I love him." She said defiantly.

"Fair enough. I'm just trying to solve our little problem." I say shrugging my shoulders.

"I'm not attracted to you." She said quickly.

"Yes you are." I reply.

"No I'm not."

I carefully walk over to her and place both my hands on either side of the recliner. I lean down close and bring my lips close to her ear. "Yes you are." I whisper. I can hear her breath catch as she swallows a lump in her throat. "I guarantee that my immediate proximity is causing you to be unable to think straight." I add, before I pull away slowly. "I know this, because the same thing happens to me." I tell her as I walk away.


	3. You've Been Lonely Too Long

**A/N: I literally cannot stop writing this story. Thanks for the reviews!**

I couldn't really decide if I wanted to slap her or let her tear off my clothes and have her way with me. After several frustrating minutes, I decided it was both. She was such an asshole. I slammed my book closed and went to go find Nate. I was way too worked up to continue reading. I decided that a round of frustrated sex would be just what I needed. When I found Nate, he was preoccupied with a game of chess.

"Hey babe." I said sweetly once I got his attention.

He smiled. "You ok "

"Yeah." I said softly. "You wanna come upstairs and take a nap with me?" I asked with a sultry smile.

He grinned as soon as recognized the look in my eyes. "Absolutely." He said.

I waited for him to follow. I grasped his fingers loosely as he trailed me up the stairs. Once we were in the bedroom, I slammed him against the closed door and kissed him hard. He eagerly kissed back. He didn't know it, but I was taking my frustration out on him. He didn't know it, but it wasn't because of him that I was this turned on. The entire time we had sex, the only thing I could think about was a certain brown haired woman covered in tattoos. I had never come so hard in my life. When we had finished, we lay side by side panting.

"That was incredible!" He said as he looked over at me propping his head up with his hand. "What's gotten into you?" He asked with a grin.

I avoided making eye contact. "You." I said.

We laid there a few more moments before he decided to take a shower. He had asked me to join him, but I wasn't in the mood. I buried my face in my hands and sighed heavily. This was not good. Demi had started to seep into everything. I couldn't stop thinking about her. I had never been attracted to anyone as much as I'm attracted to her. It was pure lust. I honestly couldn't stand her. She was aloof, inconsiderate, and selfish. What kind of person asks her brothers fiancé if they want to fuck? The more I thought about the woman, the more confused I became. I needed a distraction. I rolled over toward the nightstand and grabbed the tv remote. I pressed the power button and immediately the TV turned on. It was on some celebrity gossip channel, before I could change it, I gasped at what I saw. It was Demi. I turned the volume up to hear what the reporter was saying. Demi looked different. She had blue hair instead of the brown. I watched the footage of her getting into a car surrounded by people and cameras. She looked completely miserable.

"Rockstar Demi Gray is in hiding after reports that tensions in her band are at an all time high. An inside source claims that the rocker canceled the European leg of their tour after reports that Gunner Davis, the lead gutarist, had an affair with her supermodel girlfriend. It's unknown at this time where Demi is staying. The musician is no stranger to controversy. Just last year, rumors swirled that she wanted o leave the band and go solo. We contacted her reps and at the time of this report we haven't received a response. Stay tuned for more news after the break."

"You look like you just hand an epiphany." Nate said from the bathroom door as he towel dried his hair.

"I had no idea that Demi was that Demi." I said still in shock.

"We try not to bring it up. She hates fame. She doesn't like the way people treat her differently. I figured you would have figured it out by now." He said laughing.

"She looks completely different. All the leather, blue hair, red lipstick." I said softly. "I didn't recognize her."

"She's going through some stuff right now. Now that you understand who she is, maybe you could cut her some slack. She could use a friend Sel. I bet you could be that person for her." He said as he pulled a shirt over his head.

I silently nodded.

"Oh Sel." He said snapping his fingers. "I forgot to tell you that Shane and I were leaving tommorow for our fishing trip." He said.

"How long are you going to be gone?" I asked.

"A week." He said running his hands through his hair.

"Seriously?" I asked. "A week?"

"It will be good for you." He said. "It will give you a chance to work out your differences with Demi." He said.

"You would think that I was marrying her." I sighed in frustration.

"Sel, don't be like his." He said sitting on the bed. "Please?"

I gave him a forced smile. "Ok." I muttered. He kissed my forehead before leaving the room.

I didn't see the Demi the rest of the day which was probably a good thing. I spent some time with Nate and went to bed at a relatively early hour. Nate was leaving early the next morning with Shane so he wanted to get as much sleep as possible. When I woke the next morning he was already gone. I went to the kitchen in my pajamas to make some breakfast. I frowned when I realized it was cloudy out. I saw her sitting at the table reading the newspaper with her feet propped on the tabletop. She was wearing a pair of cowboy boots, wrangler jeans, and a faded workshirt. I frowned as I realized the boots were muddy and all over the table.

"Mornin'" She grumbled without putting the paper down.

"Good morning." I said cheerfully.

She moved the paper slightly to the side and raised an eyebrow. "Someone seems awfully happy today." She said.

"Is that a problem?" I asked.

I watched as she tossed the paper onto the table and stood. "I've got work to do. I'll talk to you later." She said as she grabbed her hat and walked out the door. I could hear her heavy footfalls until she stepped off the wood deck. I watched a she headed toward the barn and dissappeared inside.

"She's not usually like that." I heard her mother say as she entered the kitchen. "She's had a rough couple of years."

"So I've heard." I answered softly.

"She'll warm up to you dear. Just give her time." Connie assured me.

I smiled and squeezed Connie's arm as I took my bagels upstairs to my room. Demi was like a damn cactus. Prickly and irritating. Once I finished my breakfast, I climbed into the shower. I could hear the thunder as it boomed loudly over head. I finished getting ready and went back downstairs. I could hear the rain as it pelted the roof of the house. I stepped outside and saw Nate's dad watching Demi in one of the small corrals.

"What's she doing?" I asked him.

"Breaking a horse." He answered.

"What?" I asked confused.

"She's teaching it to let people ride it." He explained.

I nodded and returned my attention toward the corral. It was pouring rain and Demi was drenched. I watched as she led the horse around the corral several times before coming to a stop. I could hear her speaking softly to the animal. I watched as she grabbed the saddle horn and placed a foot into on of the stirrups. The horse immediately tensed at her actions. She rubbed its neck and quickly climbed into the saddle. I watched as the horse jerked her around, spinning and kicking. After several moments I watched in horror as she was thrown from the saddle and hit the wood fence posts. She landed hard in the mud.

"Ohmygod!" I exclaimed. "I she ok?" I asked her dad.

"She's fine." He answered.

I watched as she slowly pulled herself off the ground. She was grimacing in pain. I could tell she was angry.

"This is one of those times where you learn a lot about what you're made of." I heard her dad say. "You can either choose to give up or get back in the saddle." He said.

I watched as she limped around in the rain. She turned her attention back toward the horse. I immediately saw all of her anger and frustration melt away as she began to calmly approach it. She took hold of the reins and wrapped her arms around the horses neck. She leaned in and hugged the animal. Once again she grabbed the saddle horn and placed a foot into one of the stirrups. She pulled herself up into the saddle and the animal immediately tried to throw her. This time she was able to stay on. After a few minutes, she was able to ride it around the corral.

"She showed the horse that she wasn't afraid of it. She earned the horses trust." Her father stated as he watched her riding the horse. "They have a mutual respect for each other."

"That was amazing." I said. "How did she know that it would let her ride it?" I asked.

"She didn't." He said glancing in my direction. "She took a chance. She trusted that the horse would trust her."

"What would have happened if she would've been thrown again?" I asked.

"Well, knowing my daughter she would have kept climbing into that saddle until the horse didn't throw her." He said. "She's stubborn and strong willed. Out of all of my children, she's the most like me."

As I talked to him, I couldn't help but feel like we were talking about more than just breaking horses. I watched Demi as she led the horse back into the barn. She was soaking wet and covered in mud. She was limping slightly, but she had a smile on her face.

"I don't pretend to know what's going on between the both of you, but I can tell that there is some sort of tension. Talk to her about it. She can be difficult, but she'll open up. It will be hard to be a part of Nate's life if you can't get along with Demi." He said before touching my shoulder gently and walking back into the house.

I jumped as a lightening bolt cracked across the sky. The thunder that followed was loud. I resisted the urge to run out the barn. I wanted to talk to her, I just wasn't sure what to say. Instead I went back into the house and settled in the den in front the fire place. I opened up a book and read until I fell asleep.

I woke and was surprised to find Demi passed out the floor with her back against the bottom of the couch and her head laying on the seat. She had a bottle of Jack Daniels in her lap. She was still wearing her muddy clothes. She really was beautiful. I felt an ache in my heart. I wanted so much to just wrap my arms around her and hold her close to me. I carefully got up from the couch and removed the bottle of alcohol from her grasp. I pushed her pantlegs up, and untied her boots. I pulled both of the muddy boots off her feet and discarded them by the fireplace so the heat would dry them. I smiled a I looked at how worn and old the leather was. These boots have walked miles, I thought. I shook her softly in an attempt to wake her so I could get her onto the couch.

"Demi." I said softly. "Come on. Lets you get you onto the couch."

She grumbled something that I couldn't understand as I helped her onto the couch. I grabbed one of the throws and covered her with it. She immediately fell back asleep. I turned out the lights and went upstairs.

The next day was still as rainy and wet as the day before. I opted to just stay inside and read. It was late afternoon by the time Demi had come downstairs. I could tell she was hungover, but she was trying her best to be friendly.

"Thanks." She said smiling at me as she sat across from me holding some coffee.

"For what?" I asked.

"Not leaving me passed out on the floor in that horribly awkward position." She chuckled. "It would have made today terrible."

I smiled. "You're welcome."

"You have a beautiful smile." She said softly.

I looked away blushing. "Thank you."

"Look. I'm really sorry about kissing you and all that stuff I said. I was being a jerk. I have a lot happening." She said making eye contact.

"It's ok. I know." I said.

She scrunched her eyebrows together. "Nate tell you?" She asked.

"No. The E network did." I answered.

She rolled her eyes. "Dear Jesus." She breathed.

"Do you love her?" I asked.

"Love who?" She asked, with a confused expression.

"The woman who cheated on you." I state

She laughed. "No. I'm more upset with the back stabbing and betrayal. We are talking about people that were supposed to be my friends. I trusted them. It's all just bullshit. I don't trust easily. Once it's broken...I just don't even know anymore." She sighed.

"You seem lonely." I say softly.

"What makes you say that?" She asks.

"It's in your eyes. I can see it." I say embarrassed.

"What else do you see?" She asks looking directly into my eyes.

"I see the way you look at me." I say. "It's confusing."

"Not for me it isn't. It's simple." She says her voice low and raspy.

"I should go..." I trail off. I stand up but for some reason I can't bring myself to move. I can feel her as she moves closer to me.

"I love my brother Selena, and I would never intentionally do anything to hurt him, but I don't know if I can be around you. You're all I think about. I can barely breathe whenever you're around. It's diving me mad." She whispers into my ear. "I don't know how much longer I can hold back."

I close my eyes as I feel her arms wrap around me from behind. My skin was on fire. I leaned back against her body as I felt her lips brush against my neck.

"Demi." I whispered. "I don't want you to hold back."


	4. Your Mouth Is Poison, Your Mouth Is Wine

**A/N: And the plot thickens. Thank you guys for reading. I'm loving the reviews. This story is literally the only thing I want to write right now. I just can't wait! Lol. Anyway, let me know what you think.**

As soon as she said it, I nearly lost all self control. I knew if I did this, I wouldn't be able to take it back. I wanted her badly. It was more than that though. I wanted everything. I was physically drawn to her, but I knew that whatever it was that was happening between us, was much deeper.

"Selena, tell me to stop. Please. Don't let me..." I was silenced when she turned and pressed her lips to mine. This kiss was different from the first. It was slow and hesitant. After several moments, I felt her pull away.

"What are we doing?" She asked, her voice wavering.

"Fucking up Nate's life." I said as I walked away.

"Demi!" She called out. "Wait!"

"Wait?" I snapped turning around to face her. "Wait for what Selena?" I asked "I don't even know you but you're all I fucking think about. I've kissed you twice already despite the fact that the ridiculously large diamond that's wrapped around your finger was placed there by my fucking baby brother." I yelled.

"You think you're the only one that has a right to be angry?!" She hissed. "What about me? You practically eye fuck me every time we're in the same room. Every time you get close to me I lose all self control. How do you think that makes me feel? I'm coming undone because of you and I don't even know why!" She yelled back.

I could hear the thunder as it shook the house. I almost laughed at the irony. I looked into her eyes and saw so many questions. I recognized the hurt and confusion immediately. Beneath all of that, I could still see the desire. I swallowed the lump in my throat and took a deep breath.

"I think it's probably best if we keep our distance. Whatever it is that's happening between us, we're clearly not equipped or even able to deal with it." I tell her, my voice slightly shaky.

"We can't just avoid each other." She responded.

"Yes we can." I tell her as I back away.

"I want to know you Demi. I want us to be friends. I want to get past this." She said pleading with me.

"I don't know." I answer.

"Promise me." She says. "Nate told me that you never break a promise. Promise me you can hold back."

"It's not that simple." I sigh. How do I explain to someone that they literally physically cause me pain whenever I'm around them? How do you even tell someone something like that?

"Please?" She whispers. "I need to have you in my life." Her brown eyes were begging me.

"Why is this so important to you?" I asked.

"Because its important to Nate." She answered.

I ran my hands through my hair, closed my eyes, then let out a deep sigh. "Ok. I promise." I tell her.

She walked over to me and wrapped me in a hug. I wanted to die. She held me a little tighter and a little longer than she should have. I could tell she was breathing me in. I had absolutely had no idea how either one of us was going to be able to do this. I felt her pull away, hesitantly. The longing in her eyes as I backed away damn near killed me. She looked so sad.

"I'm going to get some air." I told her as I walked away.

"I'll find you later." She said to me before I made it out the door.

I walked outside toward the barn. I was immediately drenched. I lifted my face to the sky and let the rain beat down on my face. I secretly hoped that the storm would wash away all my sins. I felt like complete shit. I've betrayed my brother and he doesn't even know it. Once I make it to the barn, I shake the water out of my hair and sit down on a stool by the workbench. I needed to clear my head. I needed to get her out of my head. Maybe I should just remove my head, I thought as I sat there.

I stayed in the barn until it got dark. Once I made it back to the house I went upstairs to my room. I picked up my guitar and started to play. It didn't take long before I started to sing.

Bitterness

Inside of me

There's no place to run

Endless is

All this misery

Slowly breaking me down

It's raining

Now I'm walking by myself

It's hard to penetrate your heart

I don't have a place

Dragging my soul out

Of this wreckage that you left

I can't get out of here

You buried me

Alone with all these memories

It's raining

Now I'm walking by myself

It's hard to penetrate your heart

I don't have a place

Can you hear me?

All this time

I've tried to hide this from you

Can you see?

Look at me

There's nothing left but you

It's raining

Now I'm walking by myself

It's hard to penetrate your heart

I don't have a place

When I finished, I sat my guitar down and looked out the window. I knew that I would never have a place in her heart. That vacancy was already filled by Nate. I wasn't even entirely sure if I wanted a place in her heart. I thought that maybe there was more to it. The first time I kissed her it was like being struck by lightening. I had always imagined that was what it felt like when you found your soulmate. The undeniable pull would tell you that they were the one. It made no sense to me that it would be her. Maybe I got it all wrong. She loved Nate. Maybe I was just tired of being alone. She knew I was a famous rockstar. Maybe her curiosity go the best of her. Her eyes though. Her eyes told a different story. I had never had another person look at me the way she did. I know that I made her angry, but underneath that there was something else.

I climbed into bed and listened to the storm raging outside. I was exhausted but I couldn't sleep. Selena, I thought as I looked at the moon. I smiled as I vaguely recalled her name had something to do with the moon. Selene the Greek goddess. I heard the floorboards outside my door creaking. I sat up and looked toward my door. I could hear her voice as she softly called out to me.

"Demi?" She said. "Are you up?" She asked.

I cleared my throat. "Yes." I answered.

"C...Can I come in?" She fumbled. I could tell she was hesitant to ask.

"Yeah. Come in." I said. She walked through the door and stood at the foot of my bed.

"I hate thunderstorms, especially at night." She said, shivering.

"You wanna sit with me for awhile?" I asked her.

"Would that be ok?" She asked.

I laughed lightly. "Yes."

She carefully climbed into my bed and folded her legs beneath her. She looked absolutely stunning in the moonlight. She wasn't wearing any makeup and she had on a thin t-shirt and short cotton shorts. I could tell she was cold.

"I'm sorry. I know this is must be awkward." She said softly.

"No it's ok." I answered honestly.

"I heard you singing earlier." She said. "It sounded very sad."

"It was." I said with a half smile.

"Was it because of me?" She asked looking at her hands.

"Yes and no." I told her. "Music is sometimes complicated and it comes from all sorts of different emotions and experiences. Sometimes when I write, I think I'm writing about one thing and then it ends up being about something completely different. It's all a matter of perception." I tell her.

"What's your favorite color?" She asked randomly.

"Red." I answered with a smile. "Yours?"

"Green." She answered.

We spent nearly half the night engaged in meaningless conversation. We discussed our favorite foods, songs, movies and all sorts of other things. I told her about the things I hated and she did the same. We went from knowing nothing about each other, to knowing everything. She had an innocence to her that I wanted so desperately to corrupt.

"Did you really get attacked by a bear?" She asked.

"Yes. It's a true story." I answered.

She hesitantly reached toward my arm. "Can I?" She questioned. I nodded and I felt her fingertips lightly graze my skin as she lifted my shirt sleeve up toward my shoulder. She bit her bottom lip as she drug her fingertips across my skin. She lightly traces the scars that ran across my upper arm. I watched her as she studied them. She licked her lips and slowly pulled my shirt sleeve back down. She looked up at me, and I could tell we were both in trouble.

"Selena. You need to go." I told her.

"I don't want to." She whispered.

"Now." I said forcefully.

"No." She said.

"Ok. Fine." I said. I immediately rolled over so that I was on top of her. I pinned her hands above her head and leaned in close to her face. "Is this what you want?" I asked as she looked up at me. "You want me to fuck you while your fiancé is out of town?" I asked her. I felt her struggle against me.

"Fuck you!" She snapped.

I let go of her and stood up. "You asked for it." I told her.

"Why do you that?" She asked. "Why do you suddenly revert to being an asshole."

"You're a fucking tease Selena!" I yell. I couldn't help but look at her erect nipples as they poked through the thin shirt she was wearing.

"That's not true." She said standing and poking a finger in my chest.

"Don't." I warned her.

"Or what?" She challenged.

I have never wanted to punch anyone in the throat as much I wanted to punch hers in that moment. She infuriated me.

"Get out." I said.

"No." She said again.

"You're fucking crazy!" I snapped. "What the fuck do you think you're accomplishing right now?"

"Why are you so angry?" She asked, lowering her voice.

"It doesn't matter." I answer.

"It matters to me." She says making eye contact.

I sigh. I know that I'm gonna regret saying this, but she's leaving me no other choice. "Leave or get undressed so we can get this over with." I say gesturing toward the bed.

She looked hurt. "You're unbelievable. Don't fucking talk to me like I'm some little whore!"

"Then don't fucking act like one!" I snap back.

She shook her head and pursed her lips. I could tell she was mad. "You know what Demi? I might be a whore, but I'll never put out for you." She spat.

I let out a humorless laugh and stepped into her personal space. "Sweetheart, I could have you anytime I want." I say with a smirk. I shouldn't have been so shocked when she slapped me and stormed out of the room.

I didn't know it at the time, but that confrontation ended up hurting both of us in ways that we didn't even know were possible. Nate was just going to have to get over the fact that Selena and I were never going to be close. It was impossible. I wanted something from her that she couldn't give me. I was slightly alarmed at how easy it was for her to throw herself at me. She wasn't a whore, I shouldn't have called her that, but she was still acting inappropriate. I'm not entirely sure I want her marrying my brother. I could only imagine if she tried this with someone who had a weaker sense of self control.

I sat at my desk and watched the sunrise. I groaned as I realized that I had a lot of work to get done today. The storm kept me inside and around the house the past two days. Fucking Shane, I thought. How convenient for you to take a damn vacation. I took a shower and went downstairs. Sure enough, she was sitting at the table when I entered the kitchen. She glared at me the second she realized I was in the room. I smiled at her and she scowled. I couldn't help it, I blew her a kiss and laughed when she flipped me off. I felt bad for my mom. She looked at me with a dismayed look on her face.

"It's gonna be a long summer." I heard my mom mutter under her breath. She really had no idea.


	5. The Closer You Come The Weaker I Get

**A/N: Ok, so I know that alot if you seem to be concerned about Steve and his mischievous look. Lol. Don't worry about that. There's nothing nefarious happening there. He's just a mischievous old dude. He's a lot like Demi. That's where she gets it from. I'm so glad you are all enjoying this story. It's going to be a long one, so I hope it stays interesting. Review it if you like it!**

It had been two days since the confrontation in Demi's bedroom. I was angry with her. She continued to be aloof and difficult. I still caught her looking at me. It was different now. She wasn't just undressing me with her eyes anymore. There was more to it. She had a longing in her eyes that cut to my core. I was afraid to get too close to her. Nate would be home in a couple of days and I honestly couldn't wait. I missed him and spending all of this time alone with Demi has left me feeling vulnerable.

I watched her as she walked toward the house from the barn. I lifted my camera and snapped a couple of pictures. She seemed distracted. I watched as she suddenly changed direction and walked over to her truck and pulled a bottle of Jack Daniels from behind the seat. She unscrewed the lid and drank the entire bottle without stopping for air.

"Jesus Christ." I whispered as I watched her throw the bottle in the back of her truck and walk back toward the barn.

I watched as an older model ford truck pulled to a stop in front of the barn. I saw a Native American male climb out of the driver side and shout. He held his arms out and I watched as Demi ran right into them. He lifted her off the ground and spun her in a circle. It was the first smile I'd seen on her face in almost two days. Once he released her, I could hear them talking excitedly to each other. I watched as he went over to the truck and brought out a long narrow box and handed it to her. She sat it down on the trucks hood and removed the top.

"Get the fuck out of here!" I heard her exclaim.

"You like it?" He asked grinning.

"Fucking A! I love it!" She said hugging him again.

I watched as she pulled out a rifle. It looked old. She admired it for a few moments before placing it back in the box and heading toward the house. Her friend followed.

"Hey dad!" She called out as she climbed the front steps. "Benji is back!" She added.

She paused when she saw me. I saw her sway slightly. I was pretty sure the alcohol had finally hit her. She continued to stand directly in front of me and stare. Without warning, she kneeled down and took my hands in hers. My whole body responded to her touch. Her brown eyes were staring into mine intently. I could tell she wanted to say something. Her father and friend stared uncomfortably from the door.

"I'm sorry." She whispered. I felt her thumbs lightly stroking the backs of my hands. She released one of my hands and brushed her fingertips across my cheek. I felt a slight tug as she threaded her fingers through my hair. "You are so beautiful." She said.

"Demi. Enough." Her father grumbled. "Come inside." She immediately stood and disappeared into the house. Steve narrowed his eyes at me before following her.

"I'm sorry, I didn't get your name." Benji said to me.

I cleared my throat. "It's Selena." I told him as I took his extended hand.

"I'm Benjamin. Most people just call me Benji." He explained.

"It's nice to meet you." I smiled.

"Likewise." He said as he disappeared into the house.

I spent the rest of the day avoiding her. Every time she touched me, I felt weaker. I began to question if I actually wanted to marry Nate or not. This shouldn't be happening. I loved him, but I was beginning to question if it was enough. Every time I looked at Demi, my heart ached.

"You've been avoiding me." She said from the doorway.

"Well, you're a jerk." I answer.

"I know." She said. "I have a tendency to do that sometimes." She said as she sat down next to me.

"Does your dad know?" I asked quietly.

"I think he has some sort of idea." She answers.

"He probably hates me." I mumbled.

"No. If he blames anyone it will be me."

"Why you? Aren't you his favorite or something?" I ask.

She chuckled lightly. "He knows me well enough to know that I started this thing between us. In any event, he doesn't know for sure that something's going on." She added.

"Is there something going on." I ask, making eye contact.

She sighed. "Lena, I don't know. I just know that I can't stay here right now."

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"I'm leaving tomorrow night." She says looking down at her hands.

"You don't have to leave." I tell her.

"Yes I do." She says. "I have a promise to keep." She whispers.

"What about Nate?" I asked.

"Don't worry about him. I'll come back for the wedding. I just think that maybe a little space will do us some good." She said.

"Maybe we can start over." I say.

"Maybe." She says as she stands to walk away. Without thinking I grab her hand before she can move.

"Demi." I whisper.

She slowly pulls her hand out of my grasp. "I've gotta pack." She says as she quickly leaves the room.

I wanted to cry. My heart felt like it was being ripped from my chest. This made absolutely no sense to me. I didn't love her. She couldn't break my heart. Why did she make me feel like this? I buried my face in my hands as I let the tears fall. This was all way too confusing for me. As I sat there, I heard some commotion out front. I got up and walked over to the window and looked down into the driveway below. Shane and Nate had come home early. I quickly wiped my eyes and attempted to freshen up. Once I was satisfied with my appearance, I went downstairs.

"Hey fuckers!" I heard Demi say to her brothers. "I thought I smelled something funny." She teased them.

"It's the fish Dem." Shane said. "You'd think you'd be used to that smell by now." He said laughing.

Demi laughed loudly. "You're real fucking clever." She said.

"That was a good one." Nate said to Shane.

I smiled as I approached Nate. He wrapped his arms around me and gave me a sweet kiss. Demi looked slightly annoyed with his display of affection. "I missed you." He said.

"I missed you too." I said smiling at him.

"Where's my kiss?" Shane asked as he shoved his face into Nate's.

Nate punched his shoulder. "Get out of here!" He said to his older brother.

I laced Nate's and my fingers together as we walked toward the house. It felt good to touch him and breathe him in. I missed him. Connie had dinner ready shortly after they had returned home. Everyone was happy and smiling throughout the meal. Every so often, I caught myself staring at Demi. She was mesmerizing. I felt bad that she was leaving because of me. This was her home and I felt like I was pushing her out. She glanced my direction and I blushed. She noticed and smiled. Once dinner was finished, Shane and Demi decided to go outside and light a bonfire. Nate and Benji joined them. When I walked outside I noticed they were all smoking something out of a long wooden pipe and laughing hysterically.

"Are you guys getting high!" I asked laughing.

"We prefer the term vision quest." Demi stated before passing the pipe to Benji.

"You should try it!" Shane said loudly.

"I'll pass." I answer shaking my head.

Nate motioned for me to come sit with him, so I lowered myself onto the ground next to him and he wrapped his arms around me.

"Demi is leaving tomorrow." He stated. "It totally sucks." He adds. "I hardly got to see her."

"I know babe. I'm sorry. She said she'd be back for the wedding though." I said.

"Yeah, I know." He mumbled.

We spent the rest of the night drinking, laughing and telling stories. I learned so much about each of them that night by the fire. It was clear to me how much they all loved each other. They were welcoming me into their family with open arms. When the fire died down, everyone went their separate ways. I hugged Shane and Benji goodnight before heading toward the house with Nate. Demi stayed by the fire, drinking her usual bottle of Jack Daniels.

"Is she gonna be ok?" I asked Nate as we walked away.

"Yeah. She ways is." He answered with a smile.

Once upstairs Nate and I got undressed and ready for bed. He asked me to open the window a crack. I walked over and slid the window open about four inches. I could still see Demi outside. She was still sitting by the fire. I could hear what sounded like singing. I listened closely and I was able to make out the words.

_And I'm just drunk enough to tell you_

_Exactly what I needed to say_

_I'm just drunk enough to tell you_

_I need you please stay_

_'Cause I'm sober enough to know maybe_

_It's a little too late_

_'Cause I'm sober enough to see you_

_Walking away _

I touched the glass as I watched her kick dirt into the fire and walk toward the barn. I climbed into bed with Nate and laid my head down on his chest. I listened to his heartbeat and before I knew it, I was asleep.

The next day was slightly hectic. Demi had a lot of luggage and guitars that she was taking with her. It was strange to see a limousine parked out in front of the ranch house. It seemed out of place. The driver carefully loaded the bags into the truck, while Demi watched. She had her face buried in her cell phone. It was odd to see her like this. She was also dressed slightly different from what I was used to. She was wearing a pair of ripped black skinny jeans with a vintage Motly Crüe t-shirt that she covered with a leather jacket. She had on a pair of biker boots that she didn't bother to tie and some mirrored aviator sunglasses. She had several rings on her fingers and a black knit cap on her head.

"I'm guessing you're headed back to LA? I asked her.

"Yes." She answered her face still in her phone.

"You promise you'll be here for the wedding?"

"That's the plan." She says as she puts her phone against her ear.

I sigh. "Ok then." I say before walking off. "Good talk."

I sit down on the porch and watch as she says goodbye to her family. She hugs each one of them before climbing into the limo. Before the limo pulls away, she rolls her window down and calls out to Nate. He quickly jogs over to her and they talk briefly before she hands him her phone. I watch as he takes it and inputs something into it and hands it back to her. He leans in the window and gives her a quick kiss before the limo drives off.

I wandered around for most of the day taking pictures. Nate and Shane were busy working around the ranch. I spent some time with Connie going over wedding details as well. She hasn't even been gone for an entire day and I already missed her. I was a little hurt at how indifferent she was to me. Now that she was gone, I hoped things would get back to normal. I didn't need the complications that she seemed to stir up whenever she was close to me. I couldn't wait to marry Nate.


	6. I Promise I'm Gonna Hurt You

**A/N: Thank you guys for the flattering reviews! Here's the next chapter. Hope you enjoy.**

I hated flying. It made me nervous. I also wasn't looking forward to the inevitable swarm of paparazzi that would greet me once I landed in LA. It didn't take much for someone to recognize me and start tweeting about it. I was certain several of the passengers had already done so. As I waited for the plane to taxi, I couldn't help but think of her. I wondered what she was doing and if she was ok. I fought the urge to text her the entire drive here. I had asked Nate for her number, which was probably going to be a huge mistake. He was happy to give it to me though. What an idiot. I wish he would just call me out on my shit, so I could apologize and stop undressing his soon to wife with my imagination. And let me tell you, I'm pretty sure I'm doing more than just undressing her. I frown. I'm such a terrible person. Once we took off, I couldn't wait until we reached cruising altitude. After what seemed like an eternity, the stewardess began the beverage service.

"What can I get you?" She asked.

"Umm, a jack and coke please." I answered. I stared at her ass as she walked away. Maybe flying isn't as bad as I thought.

She returned and smiled. "Here you go." She said.

"Thank you...Vanessa." I said catching her hand and reading her name tag. "I like that name."

She blushed. "Thank you. I love your band by the way." She smiled before continuing with her work.

I sat and stared out the window. I ordered several more drinks and found myself buzzing pretty good. Thank goodness for sunglasses, I thought. I spent the rest of the flight shamelessly flirting with Vanessa, the stewardess and ended up with her phone number by the time the plane landed. I grabbed my carry-on bag and exited the aircraft. Sure enough, I was bombarded at the baggage claim. Luckily I had the foresight to contact my management and security teams. My bodyguard quickly escorted me to a waiting SUV and went back to retrieve my luggage. I pulled out my phone and took a quick picture of the sign that was posted out in front of the airport entrance. I opened it up in an app and quickly edited it by applying a filter and cropping it neatly. I then proceeded to text it to Selena. I wasn't surprised when she didn't respond.

Once I arrived at my house, I was relieved that it was empty. Thank goodness, she got the hint. I figured she would. She might be a model but she's not dumb. I preferred to just ignore her until she disappeared. I'm not very good at dealing with all the confrontation and crying that comes with actually breaking up with someone. It's terrible. I checked around the house and sure enough, all of her shit was gone. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I pulled it out and smiled. Selena ha texted me back. She sent me a picture of a pile of cow shit. I couldn't help but laugh.

I spent the next few days in meetings. I had made the decision to leave the band and go solo. There were a lot of technicalities and legal shit that had to be worked out. Songwriting royalties and copyright issues. I wasn't going to let the band replace me and continue to sing songs I wrote. Fuck that. As I sat in one of my afternoon meetings, I felt my phone vibrate. I took it out and opened a text from Selena.

_I miss you..._

_How's Nate?_

_You're an asshole._

_Just wondering._

_Bye._

I laughed out loud which earned me some weird looks. She was a real piece of work. I knew I shouldn't have texted her. She's bad for me. She's probably sitting there with my brother texting me about how she misses me. It wasn't innocent either. It wasn't like two friends that actually just missed each other, it was more like I miss you because I'm extremely attracted to you and I want to fuck your brains out. It just wasn't ok.

Once I finished with all the boring ass meetings, I went back home and decided to spend some time in my studio. I sat down and started to write in one of my lyric journals. Every single word I wrote down was about her. It was frustrating. I dropped the pen and went to my kitchen. I needed to calm my nerves. I got into the liquor cabinet and pulled out the Jack. I dropped some ice cubs into a glass and poured me a nice stiff drink. By the time I finished my third one, I was walking around my house singing horribly and off key. I'm pretty sure it was a Katy Perry song, anyway like an idiot I decided that it would be fun to text people. Worst idea ever. I really just couldn't resist. I texted Selena.

_You make me want to do bad things_

_Stop_

_You're no fun_

_Why are you doing this?_

_You started it_

_No I didn't_

_Yes you did_

_I'm not doing this with you_

_Why? Are you afraid of feeling something?_

_It's too late for that_

I couldn't believe what I had just read. Before I could process what she meant by that, my phone started ringing. It was her.

"Hey." I said awkwardly.

"Why are you doing this?" She asked sadly.

"You said you missed me." I slurred.

"Dem." She sighed. "We need to stop."

"What do you feel Sel. Tell me." I whispered.

"No." She said softly. "Please don't text me anymore."

"I'm sorry." I mumbled as I hung up the phone.

I woke up the next morning passed out on my living room floor. I could hear the insistent pounding on the front door accompanied by someone repeatedly pressing my doorbell.

"Wait a fucking minute!" I growled at the rude visitor. I opened the door and rolled my eyes when I saw who it was.

"Long night?" She asked as she pushed past me and into the house.

"Yes." I mumbled. "Wait. Did you cut your hair?" I asked her as she headed toward the kitchen.

"No, I woke up and it was like this." She said rolling her eyes. "Yes. Dipshit. I cut my hair."

"Jen, I'm not in the mood for your mouth today." I warned.

"And I'm not in the mood to find out that you're back in town from a gossip channel. The only reason I know you're home is because TMZ told me, you prick!" She exclaimed.

"I've had a lot on going on. I'm sorry." I tell her as she makes coffee.

I watch as she picks up my phone and unlocks it. I really need to change the password, I think as she starts to go through my phone.

"Who the fuck is Selena?" She asks.

"My brothers fiancé." I answer.

"Are you serious? What's the deal? You better fucking explain cuz from where I'm standing its looking very scandalous." She says.

I sigh heavily and pretty much facepalm. I sit down and explain everything. Once I'm finished she just sits and stares at me.

"What are you gonna do Dem?" She finally asks.

"Nothing." I answer. "They are getting married in a month."

"Clearly she's into you." Jen states.

"Does it really matter?" I ask.

"It might." She says. "What happens later on when you guys are around each other. Do you think you're gonna be able to keep your hands yourself?"

"Can we just not talk about this please?" I sighed.

"You came home to get away from her. Oh my god!" She exclaimed.

"Jen, I'm gonna go take a nap. I'll talk to you later." I muttered as I walked upstairs to my room. I climbed into bed and laid down face first in the pillows. I wasn't surprised when Jen climbed into the bed next to me and got comfortable. She pulled out a book and started to read. As I fell asleep, the only thing I could about was Selena.


	7. Out Of The Blue And Into The Black

**A/N: I know that a lot of you think Selena is leading her on, and perhaps you are right. It's a very complicated situation. There is a lot of push and pull happening. It's going to get worse before it gets better. Anyway, thank you guys so much for reading and reviewing. I love to read your thoughts. Enjoy. The song Demi sings is called "Hey Hey, My My" by Battleme. Listen to it to get a feel of how she is feeling this chapter.**

It had been almost a month since Demi left. I hadn't heard from her since she called after the texts that I had sent. I didn't think about her as often as I thought I would. There were days when I didn't think about her at all. I spent a majority of her time getting the wedding preparations finished. In one more week, I would be Mrs. Nate Gray. Today was going to a busy day for me. Several of my family members and people that were in my bridal party were going to be here. The rehearsal dinner was in two days.

"Hey babe." Nate said as he sat at the table. "You doing ok?" He asked.

"Yes. Just busy. There's still a bunch of stuff to get done." I answered smiling at him.

"Can I help?" He asked.

"I've got everything covered." I answered.

"Alright babe. I'm gonna go see what Shane is up to." He got up and gave me a kiss before leaving the room.

I was beginning to feel incredibly guilty about what happened between Demi and I. Sometimes I felt like maybe I was encouraging her. I shouldn't have texted her all those weeks ago. I was being honest though when I said that I missed her. I hadn't really even got to know her very well, but there was just something about her that felt like home. It was missing since she left. My mind quickly switched gears back to the task at hand. My wedding. Taylor, my maid of honor, would be flying in tomorrow morning. I had to go pick her up from the airport. I was looking forward to seeing her. She was my best friend. There wasn't a problem in this world that we couldn't resolve in a pair of pajamas over a cup of tea.

"Hey Sel." I heard Benji say as he walked into the kitchen.

"Hey!" I said smiling brightly.

"Whatchu doing?" He asked as he opened the fridge and took out a beer.

"Seating charts."

He grimaced. "No thank you." He said laughing as he opened the beer.

He sat down at the table and kept me company. Over the past few weeks I had gotten to know him. He had grown up on the ranch with the Gray family. His father was what they referred to as the "cow boss". He was in charge of all the ranch hands that worked on the Gray family ranch. Their family were members of the Sioux Nation. They were very proud of their heritage. He was one of the nicest and most down to earth people I had ever met.

"Are you nervous?" He asked me grinning.

"About getting married?" I asked.

He nodded.

"No. Not really. Jut excited." I answered honestly.

"Nate's a lucky bastard." He said smiling. "If he wasn't basically my brother, I'd try to steal you!" He said, teasing me.

I winked at him. "You can't steal the willing."

"Oh, you're killing me!" He said clutching his chest. "Seriously though, Nate deserves a good woman. You're definitely it."

"You're too sweet Benji." I said sighing. He was such a nice guy, I thought.

"I'm gonna call it a night." He said as he got up and gave me a kiss on the cheek. "See you in the morning."

"Goodnight Benji." I said as he left.

I headed upstairs to go to bed and that's when I heard it. Her laugh. I stopped and looked outside, and sure enough, there she was wrestling with Shane. I walked over to the doorway and watched them. No one told me she was here. I was a little bit shocked.

"You're fucking cheating!" I heard Shane yell as she nut checked him.

"Don't be such a little bitch!" She teased back.

I watched as they pushed each other around a bit more before falling to the ground laughing.

"I'm too drunk for this shit!" Shane exclaimed.

I watched as Demi slung her arm around Nate's shoulder. "I love you guys." She said grinning at Shane.

"Love you too sis." He responded.

"I'm proud of you Nate." I heard Demi say. "Take care of her." She added.

"I will Dem." he said. "You guys taught me how to be a good man. Growing up with you and dad prepared me. I've got this." He said smiling.

"How is it that my baby brother is getting married before me?" Shane asked laughing.

"I'm better looking Bro!" He answered.

"Hey." Demi said getting their attention. "Let's promise each other that no matter what, we'll always be close. Distance, women, and time won't break us apart." She said holding up a beer.

"To us." Shane said clanking his beer with hers. Nate followed suit.

I watched as she suddenly glanced my way. My heart skipped a beat when her eyes met mine. There was a sparkle to them that I had never seen. She bit her bottom lip and gave me a slight nod. I swear she could see right through me. I felt my heart rate increase and my palms get sweaty. She continued to make eye contact with me. She didn't even try to hide what she was thinking. I could just tell. I knew because I wanted the same thing. I wanted her above me while I wrapped my legs aroun her waist. I wanted to dig my nails into her back. I wanted her and she knew it.

I turned around and went back inside. I couldn't look at her. It was too much. I needed to get a hold of myself. I could hear her laugh as I practically ran up the stairs. I needed a cold shower. I turned on the water and stripped out of my clothes. I yelped as the cold water assaulted my skin. Whatever this was, it needed to stop. I guess time and distance didn't help. Frustrated, I slammed my hands against the smooth shower tile. I turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. I put on a pair of pajama bottoms and a cami. Once I finished drying my hair, I could hear them all downstairs. I decided to join them.

I walked into the den and she had her back to me. She was sitting at the piano playing a soft song. I sat down next her facing away from the piano, as she started to sing. I smiled at Nate and leaned my head against her shoulder. She smelled amazing.

_Hey hey, my my_

_Rock and roll can never die_

_There's more to the picture_

_Than meets the eye_

_Hey hey, my my_

Her voice was perfection. She didn't even skip a beat when she felt me next to her. I had never heard this song song before. It was haunting. The way she was singing it was heartbreaking. You could tell she was sad.

_Out of the blue and into the black_

_You pay for this_

_They give you that_

_Once you're gone_

_You can't come back_

_Out of the blue and into the black_

I looked around the room and I could see Shane softly singing along. Nate had his eyes closed, nodding his head to the music. Benji sat and drank his beer, his expression unreadable.

_The king is gone he's not forgotten_

_Is this the tale of Johnny Rotten_

_It's better out burn out than fade away_

_The king is gone he's not forgotten _

_Hey hey, my my_

_Rock and roll can never die_

_There's more to the picture_

_Than meets the eye_

_Hey hey, my my_

When she finished I quickly got up. I kissed Nate goodnight and went upstairs. I wiped the tears from my eyes and climbed into bed. She was killing me. I didn't understand what it was I feeling, but it hurt. She was the only one that could fix it. I wanted her to fix it.

The next morning I woke to Nate passed out and snoring next to me. I had no clue how late they stayed up last night, I was asleep before he came to bed. I reluctantly climbed out of bed. I had to leave to pick up Taylor in a couple hours. I went downstairs to make some coffee. I walked into the kitchen and I saw her sitting in the den. She was drinking her usual whiskey. I was surprised that she was still awake. Her eyes looked bloodshot.

"Hey." I said softly. "You're still up?"

"Yeah." She answered, her voice hoarse and raspy.

"Demi, are you ok?" I asked, concerned.

She nodded slowly. "Yeah." She said as she stood up and took the bottle of whiskey with her outside.

I watched as she walked toward the shop and disappeared. I could tell that something was wrong with her. I wanted to follow her, but I wasn't sure if it was appropriate or not. She was hurting. I didn't know why.

"Where did Demi go?" I heard Shane ask. I jumped slightly started.

"Jesus!" I breathed. "You scared me."

"Sorry." He said smiling. "Do you know where she went?" He asked again.

"Yeah, she went out to the shop I think."

"Are you ok Sel?" He asked. "You seem a bit preoccupied." He added.

"I'm fine." I said attempting a smile. "Wedding stuff."

"Ah. Makes sense." He said. "I'll catch you later. I got work to do." He said as he headed outside.

I barely even noticed he had left. I couldn't get the look in her eyes out of my head. It was driving me mad. I had never seen so much raw emotion. I wanted to ease her pain, I just didn't know how. Anytime I it close to her, we ended up hurting one another. I didn't want to make whatever it was she was going through worse. I sighed when I realized I was going to be late to pick up Taylor. Fuck it. I went upstairs and pulled on a pair of jeans and I covered my cami in a loose fitting flannel. I was going to talk to her.

I walked into the shop and found her sitting in the driver side of the Chevelle. The door was open and she had one of her feet propped up on the dashboard. Her head was leaning against the back of the seat and she was still holding the bottle of whiskey. It looked almost empty. I walked up to the car and opened the passenger side door and climbed in. She didn't even move or acknowledge me. Feeling bold I reached my hand over and removed it from the bottle of alcohol and laced our fingers together. She turned her head slightly and looked at me. Her brown eyes full of unshed tears. I was thankful she didn't pull away.

"Let me help you." I whisper.

"You can't." She says her voice cracking.

"Let me try." I say as I bring my other hand up and touch her cheek.

"What I want, you can't give me." She says as she pulls away and climbs out of the car.

"Demi." I say to her. "Please stop." I beg her as she walks away.

"If I turn around right now, we will regret it for the rest of our lives. I know you're not doing this on purpose, but I need you to just stop. Please." She said without looking at me.

"Please don't leave." I asked her softly.

"Selena...what do you want from me?" She asks her back still turned.

"Everything." I whisper as a tear falls down my cheek. "Everything."

I carefully move closer to her. I touch her back and slowly slip my arms around her waist. I rest my head on her back and let out a long shaky breath. It felt so good to be this close to her. I feel her hands as she gently removed my hands from her stomach and walked away. I felt my heart crack.


	8. When One Of Us Puts Down The Gun

**A/N: Have fun with this!**

I woke up completely hungover. My head was pounding and I felt like I wanted to die. I groaned as I opened my eyes and felt like I might go blind. It was so fucking bright. I couldn't do this anymore. I had to push her away. There was only one way to do that. She cared, I had to make her not want to. I got up and went downstairs.

"Oh shit. Look who it is." Shane teased.

"Fuck off." I grumbled.

"You're like one of the only people I know that wears sunglasses to breakfast." He said laughing.

"Cut her some slack." I heard Nate say.

I plopped down in a chair and groaned. "I'm going to kill him." I tell my youngest brother

"I know." Nate says patting my leg.

"Quite being such a baby." Shane said.

"Bridesmaids will be here today." Nate said grinning.

I couldn't help but laugh. "You know me to well." I said breaking out into a grin.

"I'm about to find me a wife!" Shane said sticking his fist in the air.

Nate started laughing. "You guys kill me. I can't even believe we're related."

"Make me some damn breakfast." I tell him.

Surprisingly he did. The three of us sat down to eat and were joined by Benji.

"Where are all the white women at!?" Benji said loudly as he sat down.

"Can you not please!" I said laughing hysterically.

"You guys are terrible." Nate said throwing a napkin at Benji. In response, Benji stuck out his tongue and chuckled mischievously.

"The white women." Nate said putting air quotes up as he said it. "Will be here in a couple hours. In the meantime, we should probably all make ourselves presentable once we finish with breakfast."

"Ok, thanks for the list of chores Debbie downer." Shane said rolling his eyes.

"Also Demi." He said looking at me. "Don't forget you're going out with all of the ladies tonight."

"Are you fucking serious?" I asked.

"You agreed to this a couple months ago." Nate replied.

"Don't worry. We will be on our best behavior." I said with a smirk.

"Why am I not comforted by that statement." He replied while shaking his head and laughing lightly.

We spent the rest of breakfast talking about the usual. Cars, drinking and women. Once we finished, I took a scalding hot shower. I let the water wash away all of my frustration. Mostly, I wanted the guilt to be gone. I've betrayed my little brother and its slowly chipping away at me. No matter how much I wanted her, I wanted that to go away more. I wanted to take it back. It was my fault, not hers. I shouldn't have kissed her.

I got out of the shower and got dressed. I felt a little bit better. I was going to move on and leave my indiscretions behind me. I felt relieved. I could hear several excited voices downstairs. I went down to investigate and sure enough, Selena had returned with three blonde women. I couldn't help but smile.

"Hey" I said smiling at the group of women. "I'm Demi."

"I'm Taylor."

"I'm Ashley."

"I'm Dianna."

I gave Taylor a once over as Selena rolled her eyes. She didn't like it much. "It's nice to meet you." I said taking Taylor's hand and placing a kiss on the back of it. She blushed.

She wasn't really my type. I just wanted to irritate Selena. It was working. I sat down and listened as everyone got caught up and gushed about how wonderful the ranch was. I noticed Shane and Taylor were chatting up a storm and I smiled. She was definitely his type.

"We should head upstairs and get ready for tonight." Selena said to the group of women. "I'd hate to keep Demi waiting." She added as she glanced over her shoulder at me and bit her bottom lip. I watched her hips sway the entire way up the stairs.

They returned about an hour later. I almost forgot how to breathe when I saw her. Three words. little black dress. And I mean little. I have never seen such a beautiful sight. Sweet Jesus. She moved like a cat.

"What's the matter?" She whispered into my ear. "Cat got your tongue?" She asked.

"Maybe later." I said with a smirk, causing her to blush.

I could tell my comment annoyed her. "Highly unlikely."

"You sure you should be leaving dressed like that?" I asked raising an eyebrow.

"I'm fine." She says. "You don't own me."

"Not yet." I say licking my lips.

"Wow." I hear Taylor say. "This is good. I'm gonna go make some popcorn or something." She said laughing.

"You're annoying." Selena grumbled at me.

"You started it sweetheart." I answered. "You ladies ready?" I asked.

"Yes!" They all said in unison. I wrapped my arms around Taylor and Dianna resting my hands on each girls hips as we walked toward the door. I turned around and looked back at Selena. "You coming?" I asked.

The entire drive into town was hilarious. Selena scowled at me the entire time. If I didn't know better, she was jealous. It made no sense of her to get jealous because of me. I knew she didn't really care for my cocky overly suggestive remarks. She preferred when I was more open and vulnerable. All I needed to do to push her away, was be Demi the rockstar. The only problem with it was sometimes, I could tell it got her worked up.

I know that there's more to her than what I look at everyday. I've managed to have a few conversations with her that didn't end with us angry or groping each other. She has a beautiful soul. She's so gentle and trusts easy. I pretended to listen while Ashley talked to me about how much she loved my band. I looked over at Selena and she gave me a knowing smile. She knew I wasn't listening to the girl.

We pulled up to the club and before we went inside, Selena grabbed my hand and pulled me close so she could whisper into my ear.

"Let's have fun." She said. "Truce." She added offering me her hand.

I took it agreed. "Ok." I smiled.

Once we were inside, I immediately lost myself in the crowd. People wanting to dance, take pictures with me, and buy me drinks. It was ridiculous. I was grateful when Taylor finally saved me.

"Let's dance." She yelled over the music.

"Good idea." I said taking her hand.

She was taller but she wrapped her arms around my neck anyway. She smiled warmly.

"What's your deal?" She asked.

"My deal?" I questioned right back.

"This thing with you and Sel. It's not very subtle." She said raising an eyebrow.

"That's the million dollar question now isn't it." I said clicking my tongue.

"Have you guys fucked?" She asked very bluntly.

"Holy shit!" I said laughing loudly. "No." I stated firmly.

"Maybe you should." She said.

"You're unbelievable." I said as we continued dancing. "She's marrying my little brother. I'm not going to fuck her."

"Get it out of your system." She said casually. "It might help."

"You're crazy. No. Not going to happen." I said starting to get irritated.

"Ok. Fair enough." She said. "Just trying to help. Come on, lets go to the table." She said grabbing my hand and dragging me behind her.

I slid into the seat next to Selena. I drank a bit more than I probably should have as Sid the rest of the group. We ended up dancing, drinking and laughing the night away. I actually really enjoyed the company of Selena's friends. They were very down to earth. I appreciated that.

"What do you consider your greatest accomplishment Demi?" Dianna asked me as she leaned against Ashley.

"I'll let you know when I actually accomplish it." I answered.

"Seriously? After everything you've done, nothing sticks out?" She questioned.

"Nope. There are a lot of things I hope to do with my life. What I've done so far, isn't even scraping the surface." I told her with a smile.

"You're so successful though." She said.

"Success doesn't necessarily translate to greatness or even happiness for that matter." I glanced at Selena and she had a look in her eyes that took my breath away.

Please don't look at me like that, I silently begged. Her lips parted slightly and I could see the rise and fall of her chest. This look was different. This look said something entirely different than lets fuck. This look was saying something that wasn't mine to have.

"I get what you mean." Dianna said. "It's refreshing to meet someone that doesn't feel the need to gloat all the time." She added.

I could still feel Selena's eyes on me. I could feel my resolve slipping away. I wanted to push her away, but it was honestly just too exhausting. My feelings were slowly shifting from lust to something entirely different. I abruptly got up and left the table. I pushed through the crowd of people and went into the bathroom. Thankfully it was empty. I punched the mirror and watched as the the glass splintered, distorting my reflection. I looked at the cracks in my reflection and realized that it was an accurate depiction of me. I was cracked and breaking apart slowly. The jagged edges poised to cut anyone who got too close.

I didn't hear the door open when she entered. I also didn't hear the deadbolt click when she locked the door. I felt when she took my bloodied hand and brought it up to her lips. She placed soft kisses on my cut knuckles. She stood in front of me and clasped my hand between both of hers as she leaned her forehead against mine.

"You shouldn't be in here." I whisper.

"I can't stay away." She whispered back.

"This is not a good idea." I said my voice catching.

She released my hands and brought her hands up to my face and pulled me in for a kiss. The kiss was soft and passionate. After several moments I pulled away.

"You shouldn't kiss me like that." I said breathing heavily.

I saw the tears that slipped from her eyes. I cupped her cheeks and brushed them away with her thumbs.

"Please." She whispered.

As soon as she whispered that one word, I lost all self control. I slammed her against the wall of the bathroom stall and pressed my lips against hers. I heard her moan into my mouth. I wasn't gentle. I felt her leg wrap around mine as I slid my hands down her body. She bit and tugged at my bottom lip. I pushed the form fitting dress above her hips and sat her up on the counter. I could feel fingernails digging into my neck as I trailed wet kisses across her chest and up her neck. I bit and nipped at the sensitive flesh. I knew I'd leave marks but I didn't care. As soon as I entered her, she cried out. I growled when I felt how wet she was. She panted against my neck as I slid my fingers in and out. I felt her body shudder as she came. I separated myself from her and we stood there looking at each other in complete shock. We had just crossed a line that wasn't meant to be crossed. He lips were bruised and swollen. She was flushed and her eyes were heavy. My mind was racing.

She slowly dropped down off the counter and fixed her dress. Her hands were shaking as she attempted to straighten her hair and fix her makeup. I closed my eyes and leaned against the wall banging the back of my head a couple times against the cold tile. This was not good. I felt her grab my hand and pull me over to the sink. She ran cool water over my cut and bruised knuckles. She didn't say anything, but the air between us was heavy. Heavy with guilt. She unlocked the bathroom door and left without saying a single word. We were both speechless.

We left the club shortly after the bathroom incident. Neither of us spoke a word to the other, instead we pretended to be interested in what her friends were saying. Neither of us gave a single fuck. I felt her glance at me occasionally. I couldn't bring myself to look back at her. I had just completely and shamelessly betrayed my brother.


	9. Not Strong Enough To Say No

**A/N: Oh the drama. Thank you guys for reading and reviewing. It's going to get very interesting as the story progresses. Shit is complicated as fuck right now! Anyway, here you go. Enjoy.**

As I walked into the house, I wanted to cry. I said goodnight to the girls and headed toward my room. Nate was sleeping, thank god. I went into the bathroom and peeled off my dress. I turned on the shower and climbed in, in an attempt to wash away my indescretion. I sank to the tiled floor and cried as the water pelted my skin. I felt so ashamed. I felt myself falling for Demi. Slowly but surely, the more she let me in, the more I wanted. There was just one complication. I was marrying her brother, and despite everything that had happened, I actually did love him. I got out of the shower and wiped the condensation off the mirror. I barely recognized the woman staring back at me. "Shit." I muttered when I saw the marks she had left behind. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I walked into Nate and I's room and climbed into bed. I ran my hands across his bare chest and he rolled over towards me. I kissed him softly and he started to wake.

"Hey baby." I whispered. "I missed you."

He responded by kissing me again, this time he was more urgent. I felt him roll on top of me and for a few moments, I had completely forgotten about what happened between Demi and I. He fell asleep on my chest. I laid there stroking his hair and back. He was one of the most amazing people I knew. I was lucky he wanted to marry me. I closed my eyes and drifted to sleep.

As I helped Connie prepare breakfast, I couldn't help but feel happy. Slowly but surely the family started to come into the kitchen. Shane was first, he was an early riser. He had a goody smile on his face as usual. Demi came down next. She looked like she hadn't slept. I frowned as she grabbed a glass, filled it three fourths of the way full of vodka, and then added orange juice.

"Demi!" Her mom scolded. "It's too early for that."

"I put orange juice in it Ma." She said smirking.

I couldn't help but laugh. "Wow." I said.

"Hey, as far as I'm concerned if you have orange juice with it, it's breakfast." She said as she took a long gulp of the liquid.

"I'm pretty sure you're what we like to refer to as an alcoholic." Shane said as he sat at the table and stirred his cup of coffee.

"It's all a matter of opinion." Demi said to him.

"Did you get any sleep?" I asked her.

"Not really. You?" She asked raising an eyebrow.

"Yes." I answered.

"Well I'm glad one of us can rest our..."

"Good morning!" Nate interrupted, cheerfully. I was thankful he came down when he did. There's no telling what she was going to say. He walked over and kissed me. Demi rolled her eyes and crossed her arms.

"Morning." I smiled at him.

"Hey shithead." She said.

"Dem." He smiled. I saw the guilt flicker in her eyes.

"Sorry about the marks I left baby." Nate said to me with a grin.

I shot Demi a glare as she laughed loud and obnoxiously. "This is awesome!" She said as she got up and stomped off.

"What the hell?" Shane asked, confused.

"I don't know." I answered sighing.

"It's all that damn booze she keeps drinking." Connie muttered. "I'm going to have her father talk to her about it."

Breakfast was quite hectic. Between the Gray family and my friends and parents, the house was packed. Once breakfast was finished, the rest of the day was spent in preparation for the rehearsal dinner tonight. Nate and Shane went into town to do some last minute tux alterations, my parents went with them. It was just me and the girls. Ashley and Dianna were both napping while Taylor kept me company.

"Nate is adorable." Taylor said.

"Isn't he?" I asked scrunching my nose and smiling.

"So what's up with you and Demi?" She asked.

"Nothing." I answered shrugging.

"There's a very weird tension between you guys." She said.

"Tay, I don't know what you want me to say. She's difficult to get a long with." I said annoyed.

"She seems like a complicated person. Who wouldn't be with her past." She said.

"Anyway." I said rolling my eyes. "Can we just talk about something else." I begged.

"Sure." She said smiling. "I think Shane is cute." She said.

"I guess." I said laughing.

Our conversation was interrupted by the sound of two people screaming at each other. Taylor and I both looked at each other as we realized the yelling was coming from outside. I realized it was Demi and her father once I saw them through the window. They both looked livid. I watched as Demi yanked the door open and walked through without closing it.

"Don't you walk away from me!" I heard Steve yell at her as he followed her inside.

"Fuck you!" She yelled back. She stormed down the hall and I heard the sound of breaking glass and a loud thump.

"Dammit!" Steve growled. "Connie! Dump all the alcohol." He said tersely to his wife. He glanced at Taylor and I, and gave an apologetic smile before heading down the hallway after Demi.

Connie shook her head sadly. "It won't do any good." She said to him. He didn't hear her.

"What's happening?" I asked.

"Steve confronted her about her drinking. She's been off the wagon for a while now, but it's gotten real bad lately." She explained.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" I asked.

"She doesn't want help." Connie said sadly.

I couldn't help but feel responsible. I was beginning to think that I was bad for her well being. I felt like I was slowly driving her insane. I needed to talk to her but I wasn't sure what would happen. I could hear more yelling coming from down the hallway. I could hear heavy footfalls coming down the hallway. As soon as I saw her, I gasped. She looked pissed. Her hand was bleeding and it dripped onto the hardwood floors as she walked. She quickly grabbed her truck keys of the counter, leaving behind a red smear of blood. She yanked the front door open and slammed it so hard, it rattled the windows.

"Jesus Christ." Taylor whispered.

"I'm sorry about that." Steve said softly. "She's struggling right now and I don't know how to reach her."

"It's ok." I said softly. "I'll help clean this up." I told him as I grabbed a cloth and some bleach.

"Thank you." He said touching my arm lightly.

I quickly cleaned up the blood she had left on the counter and the floor. I was shocked when I saw that she had destroyed the grandfather clock in the hallway. I knew that it had belonged to her great grandfather. I could see her blood on some of the jagged pieces of glass. She was falling apart and I wasn't really a hundred percent as to why. I know what happened between us was a part of it, but there was an underlying darkness to her. I watched as Steve began to pick up the pieces of the clock. He looked angry and sad at the same time. I felt sorry for him. I know he loved his daughter and he wanted to help her.

"Is there something I should know about?" He asked me quietly.

"Im not sure what you're implying, but the answer is no." I said, lying. He could tell he caught me a little off guard.

"Are you sure?" He asked.

"I'm sure." I answered. "I'm gonna go." I said awkwardly.

The rest of the day passed by uneventfully. Nate, Shane and my parents returned and everyone got ready for dinner. Demi was nowhere to be found. Nate was a little bit upset, but he didn't let it ruin the night. I wondered if she was ok. I knew she probably wasn't, but I hoped that she was. We all sat down and enjoyed the meal. Taylor and Shane spent most of dinner flirting with each other. Steve told stories about Nate when he was younger and my father did the same about me. I laughed and felt a pull in my heart as I realized that Demi was a part of every single moment of Nate's life when he was growing up. Shane as well. After dinner, we settled into the den. Shane played guitar and everyone talked quietly and enjoyed a couple beers. We were all surprised when she walked in. She didn't say anything, she just walked through the room toward the back of the house. Her hand was bandaged up and she looked like complete hell. Feeling bold, I followed her.

She was holding one of her guitars by the neck.

"You gonna break that too?" I asked.

"Maybe." She grumbled.

"Why?" I asked softly.

"I'm a damn liar Selena." She snapped.

"You're not alone." I said to her.

She huffed. "It takes one to know one right?"

"Demi. Stop." I said.

"It never should have happened. I never should've..."

"It wasn't just you. I did this too. You're not the only one to blame." I interrupted.

"Why?" She asked. Her eyes begging for an answer.

"I still don't know Demi. All I know is you draw me in and I can't pull myself away." I said honestly.

"What does that even mean?" She asked sighing and letting the guitar drop to the floor out of her hand.

"I'm attracted to you. That's what it means." I tell her.

"What about my brother?" She asked scrunching her eyebrows together.

"I'm in love with him." I answer.

"That's interesting." She muttered, rolling her eyes. "Are you always this easy or is it just me?" She asked.

I knew she was trying to anger me. "I have only ever been with four people my entire life and you're one of them. The answer to your question is no." I stated calmly.

"I'm sorry." She mumbled. "I'm just a little stressed out." She said running her hand through her hair.

Before I could say anything Nate poked his head into the room. "Is everything ok?" He asked.

"Yeah." Demi answered, forcing a smile. "She's listening to me rant."

He nodded his head in understanding. "Ok. I'll leave you to it then." He said. "Love you babe." He said to me before leaving. I noticed he had closed the door. He's so clueless, I thought shaking my head.

"What are we supposed to do now?" She asked. "Pretend it didn't happen?"

"I guess so." I said shoving my hands into my pockets.

"Why do you look so sad Lena?" She asked me.

"I don't want to lose you." I answered softly.

I felt her move closer to me. I grabbed her un-bandaged hand and placed it against my cheek. As I stared into her brown eyes, she looked so conflicted. She placed a soft kiss on my forehead.

"I want more of you Sel." She whispered.

"I know." I answered. "Let's just see what happens. I'll give you what I can. Let's not make it complicated." I say.

She placed a soft kiss on my jaw. "Purely physical." She said.

"Mmm hmm." I mumbled as she found my neck with her lips. I felt my hands tangle in her hair as she kissed her way down my abdomen. I felt her fingers on my stomach as she lifted my shirt, allowing her mouth to touch the skin underneath it.

"No jealousy." I breathed as she continued to kiss me.

By the time we left that room, we were both treading in dangerous territory. I tried my best to hide the fact that I was just fucked and she did the same. She was able to avoid everyone the rest of the night. I didn't have that luxury. The only thing I thought about was her. I felt Nate's arm around my shoulder and I actually wished it was hers. Whatever was happening between us, I hoped it burned out quickly. I didn't want to tear this family apart.


	10. I Just Wanna Bring You Down So Badly

**A/N: I know some of you are just facepalming and are completely confused by Selena's actions. Lol. I apologize for that, but that's kinda the point. She's supposed to make you go wtf. Demi isn't exactly an innocent little angel herself. Anyway, thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate all of you.**

The wedding was nice. I found the whole thing to be slightly absurd though. I had fucked Selena every night and sometimes multiple times a day until about three hours before she walked down the aisle. It was ridiculous. I actually stopped feeling guilty about it. We were able to get along now, which was nice. Nate was super happy about that. Again, completely absurd. If he only knew. They were leaving for their honeymoon in a couple days and I was trying to steer clear of her. I was doing a terrible job at it though. It took all of my self control to keep my hands off her. We had a super strong physical attraction. It was nuts. I'd be lying if I said there wasn't more to it though. I was busy packing up my stuff when she came into the room.

"Are you leaving?" she asked me.

"Yeah. I have an album I need to start recording." I tell her.

"Any songs about me?" she asks with a coy smile.

I laughed. "Yes. The one about fucking your brothers wife in the backseat of a '69 Chevelle is definitely about you." I told her with a wink.

"You're a jerk!" She smiled. "I'll miss you." She said seriously.

"I know." I said. I watched as she started to help me fold and put my clothes into my suitcases.

"When will see each other again?" she asked.

"Who knows." I shrugged. "You're going back to Chicago after the honeymoon right?" I asked.

"Yes." she said.

"I'm sure I'll pass through there when I'm on tour. I'll stop by and visit." I said as I zipped up one of the suitcases. I watched as she grabbed one of my flannel shirts out of an open suitcase. She put it on and pulled the collar up to her nose and breathed in deeply.

"I'm keeping this." She said softly.

"Whatever, weirdo." I replied. "Now get out of here. You're distracting me!" I said flinging a t-shirt at her.

"Kiss me." She whispered as she stepped into my personal space.

I'm glad I didn't because Shane popped his head into the room. "Umm...am I interrupting something?" he asked awkwardly.

"No." Selena said quickly. "I was just helping Demi pack." She added backing away.

"Umm. Ok. Whatever." He said before making eye contact with me. "Can you come downstairs for a bit when you finish.

"Yeah." I answered smiling. As soon as he left I shot Selena a glare. "You need to stop." I said.

"I can't help it." She huffed.

"Go spend time with your husband." I snapped.

"Fuck you!" She said as she stomped out of the room.

I knew it was wrong of me to use Nate to provoke her, but she doesn't really take no for an answer, and I'm pretty much a push over when it comes to her. Once I had packed a majority of my clothes, I went downstairs to see what Shane wanted.

"What's up?" I asked as I sat across from him at the table.

"I got you something." He said smiling as he walked over to the closed ant pulled out a large box.

"What the hell is it?" I asked raising an eyebrow.

"Open it." He said.

"Holy shit!" I exclaimed. Inside the box was a brand new Schecter C-1 classic. It was dark green with custom inlays. I grabbed him and gave him a hug.

"You're welcome." He said laughing. "Consider it my contribution to the new record." He added.

We talked for a few more minutes before I went back upstairs to finish packing. Once I got all my luggage together, I sat on the porch and waited for the limousine service. Nate decided to join me.

"Good luck." He said, smiling.

"I'll send you a rough cut once we get all the songs tracked. I've written most of them already." I told him.

"You know the label is going to try and market you as a radio friendly pop artist..." He trailed off.

I laughed. "We'll see how that works out for them. I have more than enough money to independently release and promote whatever music I want, and sue them in the process." I said.

"You doing ok Dem?" He asked.

"Yeah. I'm just trying to work it all out." I say sighing.

"How's your hand?" He asked.

"It's fine. Sore, but it's nothing serious. I had to get some stitches." I told him.

"I'm gonna go and help Sel finish packing for the honeymoon." He said before reaching over and giving me a hug. "I love you." He added.

"I love you too Nate." I said squeezing him tightly. As he walked away, I felt the guilt creeping up again.

"Shit." I mumbled as I leaned my head over the back of the bench.

Once the limo arrived and all my stuff was loaded into the vehicle, my family said goodbye on last time before I drove off. I could see Selena upstairs in her bedroom window watching as I left. I felt my phone vibrate and I knew she had just sent me a text. I ignored it. I needed to seperate from her for a bit. The past week had been crazy. It was funny to me how we would have sex, but she refused to snuggle or lay together afterward. It was too intimate she said. I laughed at the complete ridiculousness of her reasoning. I didn't really care, but it was just so ass backwards. Sex in itself was a pretty intimate act. She confused me.

I slept the entire flight back to LA. When the plane landed, I was excited to be home. It took me a little bit to get through the airport. Fans wanted pictures and shit signed. I try to interact with them as often as I can. I can be a bit inaccessible at times. I find my driver waiting at the baggage claim and I climb into the waiting SUV. I took out my phone and read the text Selena had sent me a few hours ago.

_You didn't say goodbye._

I decided not to respond. Instead I sent a text to one of my usual booty calls. As usual she was eager to see me. I gave the driver the address and he took me to her house. Once I was finished, I got back into the waiting car and went home. I opened up the fridge and grabbed a beer. I turned on the tv and laughed when I saw images of me walking through the airport on the screen. I quickly changed the channel and put on some crime drama and settled onto my couch.

I sat there and thought about her. I knew better than to be doing what we were doing. Someone was going to get hurt. That was an absolute certainty. She was already becoming so attached. I could tell she was conflicted. She had just gotten fucking married. Let's not forget about that one small detail. My brother would hate me if he knew what I was doing. Frustrated, I downed the beer and went to my liquor cabinet. I needed something stronger. I grabbed the bottle of Jack and settled in for the night. I knew I wasn't going to get any sleep, so I decided to go into my studio and track guitars. It felt nice to shred. I listened to the playbacks and realized that some of the riffs sounded angry as fuck. I guess I'm just an angry person.

The drunker I got, the sadder I got. What was I even doing? What was she even doing? Why did we give in so easy? Why? Now we simply have a physical relationship. Is that worse than an emotional attachment? It feels empty. I feel like she's worth more than that. It's like every other relationship I've ever had. Meaningless sex and a few personal details here and there to make it last as long as I possibly can before moving onto the next. Something about her made me want to stay with her forever. I wanted to take everything she had and give her all of me. I know that it's not possible, but hey, I'm used to it. It's the story of my life.

By the time I found the bottom of the bottle, I was exhausted and the sun was peeking over the horizon. I groaned when I realized that I had several things I had to get done today. I had agreed to some studio time with an actress that had aspirations to be a singer. I don't know why I agree to do these things. I've been producing music on the side for a couple years now. It kept me busy when the band was on hiatus. Now that I wasn't with the band anymore, I had a lot more freedom. I called my assistant and informed her that I would be a little late. I took a quick shower and made myself presentable. Thank god for sunglasses.

"Sorry I'm late." I grumbled to one of the engineers.

"She's ready when you are." He answered.

"Thanks." I said as I walked into the control room. My jaw nearly dropped when I saw her. She was fucking sex on a stick.

"I'm Naya." She said smiling.

"I'm Demi." I answered, taking her hand and holding a little longer than necessary. She blushed.

"I'm excited to work with you. I hear you're one of the best." She said.

"You have no idea." I answered with a wink. She laughed and lightly touched my arm.

"Are you always like this?" she asked.

"It depends. Are you always this fucking hot?" I asked with a smirk.

"Yup." She replied.

"Then yes, I am." I answered smiling.

"I like you already." She said.

"I know." I answered. "Now let's get to work."

Surprisingly, she had a huge set of lungs on her. She was amazing. We spent the entire afternoon recording and writing. Once we wrapped up, she gave me her number and invited me out. I said I'd call her and let her know. I had every intention of calling her, I just had to play it off a bit. The less interested you are, the more interested they are. I've been playing this game for years. Once I left the studio, I met Jen for lunch.

"You're late." She said as sat at the table.

"I'm a rockstar. It's what we do." I answered with a grin.

"You smell like whiskey and sluts." She said raising an eyebrow.

I laughed. "It's good to see you too." I said. "Did you invite your freinds? I asked motioning toward the paparazzi.

She rolled her eyes. "Fuck no." She said. "I think they're here for you."

"Sweet. Maybe by the time lunch is over we will be dating!" I said sarcastically.

She laughed. "Could you imagine? Poor Nicholas." She said shaking her head. "Tabloids suck!"

"I was gonna ask you to be in my next music video..but since you decided to go all Miley Cyrus on me..." I trailed off

"You better shut up! I'm about to go all wrecking ball on your ass." She snapped back, smiling.

"If that means you're gonna strip down and ride some construction equipment. Go for it." I said laughing as she punched me in the arm.

"I hate you." She laughed.

We spent the rest of lunch catching up and against my better judgement I decided to tell her everything that happened between Selena and I.

"Holy shit." She said a look of shock on her face. "That's not good."

"Tell me about it." I sighed. "To make matters worse, I think I actually like her. I'm not saying that I'm in love or anything, because that would be ridiculous. I honestly don't know her as well as I should."

"You seem to know plenty about her." Jen said with a smirk.

"Oh come on!" I said exasperated. "You know what I mean. I'm not saying that I don't know her, but I honestly couldn't tell you what her favorite movie or song is. I know things about her, just not the important stuff."

"So you're pretty much describing every relationship you've ever had." She said clapping her hands.

"You're not funny." I said glaring at her.

"You're a terrible person Dem." She said chuckling. "You're boning your little brothers wife..."

"Stop!" I said I interrupting her.

"Ok, if you're not in love with her then what's the problem? Walk away." She said, a serious expression on her face.

"That's the problem. Every time I try, she sucks me back in. I fought the urge to fuck her senseless all summer long. It kinda just all came to a head about a week and a half ago. She pushes me away and pulls me back in. I think I have fucking whip lash." I explained.

"She sounds like she's leading you on." She replied.

"No. I don't think so.." I told her. "I literally can't help myself around her. I have no self control. Every time I look into her eyes, I see the same thing in her. She's fighting so hard, but it's hopeless."

"In any case Demi, you both need to stop. It's not fair to your poor clueless brother." She said.

"I know." I grumbled.

I knew I wasn't going to stop. I think Jen knew too. She looked at me and smiled.

"You're not going to listen to me are you?" She asked softly.

I just shook my head no in response.


	11. I Die Each Time You Look Away

**A/N: I know that Selena is quite confusing. Hopefully this next chapter gives you a little insight into her. I'm trying not to rush this story, so I realize some of what's happening it kinda wtf. Anyway, thank you for reading and reviewing. Hopefully you are all enjoying the story so far. This chapter is a shift in Demi and Sel's current "relationship" or lack thereof. The name of the song that Demi sings is called "Rain" it's by Breaking Benjamin.**

Once Nate and I had returned from our honeymoon, it was business as usual. He returned to work at the firm, and I resumed my photography. I was anxious to get all the pictures I had taken over the summer developed. I hadn't really spoke to Demi since that day in her room at the ranch house. I didn't really expect to either. I know she probably felt like I was toying with her and leading her on. Sometimes I wondered myself. What was it that I hoped to get from her? I still didn't know. There wasn't a single thing I could say that could justify what I have done. The only thing that I know with an absolute certainty is that when I'm with her, I feel more alive than I have ever felt. It was addicting and I wanted more.

The weeks passed by and I fell into a steady routine with Nate. He worked constantly and I was alone. It seemed like the only time we were together is when he stuffed me into some ridiculously expensive dress and paraded me around at some fancy function hosted by his firm. He was trying to leave an impression and make partner. Judging by the looks I got, I was guessing I was his trophy wife. I felt so out of place in his world. It never used to be like this. I suppose marriage changes things a bit. As his wife, it was expected of me to attend these gatherings. Honestly, I was miserable. Everything was just dull in comparison to her. I heard my phone, and went to check who it was. Demi had sent me a text. I quickly opened it and smiled when I read it.

_If you were here right now, I would make you breakfast. Never mind the fact that it's 4 in the afternoon. I'd also insist that you eat it in bed. Naked._

I hadn't talked to her in forever. It was funny that she would send something like this.

_In your dreams. ;) _

_Every night. Do you ever think about me Sel?_

_Honestly? Yes. All the time._

_Same. I'm not sure what it means, but I kind of like it._

_I'm surprised to hear from you. It's been awhile. I noticed you've made some new friends._

_Naya? Haha! Are you jealous?_

_No. She's really pretty though._

_We're just friends. I promise. Why does it even matter? Last time I checked you were married and we weren't in a relationship._

_Someone is feeling a little feisty. I wasn't trying to provoke you._

_That last text came across a lot more harsh than I meant. I was smiling when I wrote it if that changes the context._

_It's fine. I'm smiling as well._

_Your smile is beautiful Sel. _

_I miss you. Is it ok for me to say that?_

_Yes. _

_I wanna see you Dem._

_You will soon. I'll be in Chicago in a couple weeks. Can I ask you something?_

_Of course._

_Don't tell Nate I'll be in town._

_Why?_

_Because I'm not going to be there for any reason other than to see you._

_I shouldn't have married him._

_I know._

And just like that, the conversation was over. I was amazed at how easy it was for me to talk to her. I could feel my motives and my feelings starting to shift. I wanted more of her. I was lonely and Nate was never around. I needed someone. I was slightly startled when Nate walked into the room.

"Hey babe." He said kissing my cheek.

"Hey." I replied, forcing a smile. "You're home early." I added.

"Yeah. I know that things have been kind of hectic lately and I feel bad for leaving you alone so much." He said as he took off his suit jacket and loosened his tie.

"I'll go downstairs and make dinner." I told him.

"Sounds good. I'm gonna shower and I'll be right down." He said giving me a quick kiss.

As I made dinner, I started to feel panicked. I never should have sent Demi that last text. I was so stupid. Nate loved me and I loved him. He was doing the best he could. I felt so bipolar. One minute I questioned marrying him and the next I was perfectly fine with our marriage. I felt completely stupid and lost. Demi made everything seem murky and more complicated. She was a wild card that completely turned my world upside down. I'm not sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing. Maybe this was some sort of test. I'm sure I was failing miserably. Why did she have to be so damn perfect? Luckily for me, Nate interrupted my thoughts.

"I have a proposition for you." I heard him say.

"I'm listening." I said smiling.

"Let's spend the summer out in Montana at the ranch again." He replied.

"Seriously?" I asked. "Do you think you'll be able to take the time off again?" I asked.

"I'm hoping to make partner by then. I can work out there. I have a phone and all I need is an Internet connection. I can fly out for any court dates. I'm sure they will let me go. It's just a couple months." He said.

"Speaking of the ranch, did you hear that Taylor moved in with Shane?" I asked him.

"Are you serious?" He asked laughing. "I had no idea."

"She told me about a week ago." I said. "I'm happy for them."

"Demi finished her album. It's really good. I haven't heard her write like this in a long time." He said.

I noticed that my heart skipped a beat at the mention of her name. We finished the rest of the dinner talking and enjoying each others company. I already started to feel reconnected to him. That night as I laid awake in bed listening to Nate snore, I realized that I had let go of whatever it was that was going on between Demi and I. It was a mistake and I needed to accept it and move on. I would never tell Nate, but I swore to myself that it would never happen again. I made a vow to him and I promised myself that I would keep it. It wasn't fair to Demi either. She deserved a real relationship.

Nate had been very attentive in the weeks leading up to Demi's arrival. Just like she had asked, I did t tell him that she would be in town. I made up an excuse to get away from the house without being questioned. I told him I was going out of town to visit with a couple friends from college. As I rode the elevator up to Demi's suite, I felt guilty for lying to him. He didn't deserve it. I approached the door and took a deep breath before knocking lightly. I was speechless when she opened the door. She looked amazing. She held out her arms and I immediately stepped into the embrace. I damn near melted.

"It's good to see you." She whispered against my neck.

"You too." I breathed.

She took my hand and led me over to the sofa. "You doing ok?" She asked. "You seem nervous."

"Yeah, I'm ok. I just have a lot on my mind." I answered looking down at my hands.

She reached and touched my face. I felt myself lean into her touch. I could feel resolve slowly cracking. She could literally shatter all my defenses with a single touch. I'm not strong when she's around. I tried to open my mouth, but no words would come out. I just want to drown in her touch. I felt her move closer to me.

"Demi...I can't." I whisper.

"Shhhh." I hear her say as she pressed her lips to mine.

I felt my will break. I couldn't say no. She made me weak. It was almost too much. I felt like I was drowning and there was nothing to grab onto. I was sinking further and further into her and there was no turning back. We spent the entire day in bed. She told me about her struggles with depression and self harm. She spoke briefly about her drug and alcohol problem, but it seemed to be a bit of a touchy subject for her. She told me about each of her tattoos, and as I laid there in bed tracing them with my fingertips, I had never felt more at peace. I loved the one on her ribcage. I felt her wrap her arms around me and place a kiss on the top of my head.

As I laid there in her arms, I knew I would never want to leave. One touch and she broke down all my walls. I came here to say goodbye, now I can't leave. I don't want to. I listen as she starts to sing softly. I could hear the vibrations in her chest.

_Is it you I want?_

_Or just the notion of_

_A heart to wrap around_

_So I can find my way around_

_Rain rain go away_

_Come again another day_

_All the world is waiting for the sun_

_Safe to say from here_

_You're getting closer now_

_We are never sad_

_Cause we are not allowed to be_

"Do you ever wish things could be different?" I asked her.

"Sometimes." She sighs.

"Demi, are you happy?" I asked sitting up on my elbows and resting my chin on my hands.

"Right now? Yes." She answered.

"I mean in general." I say.

"As happy as I can be." She answered. "Are you happy?" She asked.

"Mostly." I say frowning.

"You seem troubled." She says.

"I am." I answer truthfully.

"I came here today to tell you that we couldn't keep doing this." I said looking into her eyes.

"Then why didn't you." She asked, her brown eyes serious.

"Because, one touch and you broke my will." I told her looking away.

"That can't be good." She said smiling.

"Its really not." I answered burying my face into the comforter.

That night, she had ordered us room service. She had the staff set up a table on the balcony with candles. It was beautiful. We sat under the moonlight and had dinner. I learned something new about her that night. She was a vegetarian. I hadn't really noticed before and I laughed at my stupidity.

"What's so funny?" She asked.

"I honestly had no idea that you didn't eat meat!" I said smiling.

"Well, that statement sort of has a double meaning, but seeing as how we're at the dinner table and my mother would slap me senseless, I'm gonna let it slide." she said with a grin.

My eyes got wide when I realized what she was talking about. "You're terrible!" I laughed.

"You said it!" She smirked.

"You really make me happy Demi." I said taking her hand.

"I know this isn't easy for you." She said as she stoked the back of my hand with her thumb.

Without warning she stood up and threw me over her shoulder. I laughed and screamed as she ran into the room and tossed me into the bed. I grabbed her and pulled her on top of me. She rested her forearms on both sides of my head, before leaning in and capturing my lips with hers. She had never kissed me like this before. It was deep and said more than words ever could. I pulled her shirt up over her head and dug my fingers into her back as she kissed her way down my body. I really was drowning in her. She made me feel things I never knew were possible. I gasped as she kissed my inner thigh. She knew my body better than anyone. That night we didn't just fuck. We made love for the first time and I fell asleep, snuggled safely in her arms.

I woke up to find her sitting in the bed naked and playing guitar. I watched as she scribbled something into an open notebook. I didn't want to disturb her, so I just laid there and watched. She was wearing glasses, which again, was something I didn't know about her. She looked like a naughty librarian. I had to clamp my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing out loud. I liked the way her face scrunched up when she was concentrating and I loved the way she would smile when she found the perfect notes.

"I know you're watching me." She said glancing at me.

"What are you writing?" I asked as I moved closer to her. I could tell she was distracted by the sheets slipping off me.

"Umm, a song." She said laughing.

I rolled my eyes. "About you." She said.

"Can I see?" She asked.

"No. It's not done. You'll be the first one to hear it when it is though." She said sweetly.

"I've gotta get up. Nate's expecting me home soon." I said.

"Ah. The giant elephant in the room." She said raising an eyebrow.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled.

"Don't be." She said leaning in for a kiss.

"You still owe me breakfast." I said smiling as I went to get dressed.

She walked me to my car and kissed me goodbye. The second I drove away, I missed her. I took a deep breath as I walked into my house. The familiar guilt creeping into my bones. I should of showered before I left the hotel. Demi's scent still lingered on my skin. I quickly went upstairs and jumped in the shower. Luckily I didn't run into Nate. He was probably running on the treadmill. I let the water wash over my body. I was damn liar.


	12. We're Going Down Swinging

**A/N: It's not all Selena! Ha! Anyway, yeah they've pretty much fucked each others lives up pretty good. I. Just gonna leave this here, so y'all can facepalm and have heartburn. ;)**

Once the tour started I was constantly busy. I texted and called Selena as often as I could. It had been three months since I had last seen her. Sometimes she was completely present and engaged and other times she seemed distant and withdrawn. I knew our relationship was taking its toll on her. I felt bad, but the fact that I was falling in love with her outweighed the guilt. I also didn't have to see Nate everyday like she did. I was worried that she was starting to crack. She looked exhausted the last time we face timed.

"Turn the mic up." I told my sound technician. I gave him a thumbs up when I was happy with the sound in my ear monitors. I laid down in the middle of the stage and continued singing. Sound check was closed today, so I didn't have to worry about fans.

"Demi!" I heard a familiar voice call out.

I turned and smiled. "You little bastard!" I said as I ran over to him and gave him a hug. "I didn't know you were coming."

"That is the nature of a surprise." Nate said as he released me.

"Hey Dem." Selena said softly, smiling. I pulled her in for a hug. I held on a little longer than I should have but Nate didn't seem to notice.

"How are you guys doing?" I asked.

"Really good actually. I just made partner." Nate said smiling.

"That's great news." I said patting him on the back.

"I heard your tour sold out everywhere." He said. "That's amazing."

"Thank you." I replied. "I've got a few more shows left. The last one is in Chicago next week." I said winking at Selena. "You're awfully quiet." I said teasing her.

"I'm just letting you two catch up." She smiled.

"Speaking of which, I'm going to be crazy busy for the next week and I feel bad about leaving Sel at home. Maybe she could come with you and take some pictures of the performances and what not. It would be good for her exposure as far as the photography goes." He stated.

"Nate!" Selena exclaimed. "Did you even think to ask me if I wanted to spend the next week on a tour bus with a bunch of musicians?" She said raising an eyebrow.

"Aww, come on Sel." I said laughing. "It will be fun." I added with a wink.

"You should do it babe." Nate said to her grinning childishly.

"Fine." She said rolling her eyes.

"Awesome." I said. "I'll get you a pass for the rest of the tour." I told her.

I took them both out to lunch and I was actually surprised that it wasn't awkward. I would get a little annoyed whenever they were affectionate with each other, but I managed to hide it pretty well. I had no right to be jealous. She was his wife, not mine. We finished lunch and I went back to the arena to get ready. I had radio interviews a meet and greet and several other things to do before I took the stage tonight. Nate showed Selena around the stage and introduced her to the crew. I worked with the same people all the time, so he knew almost everyone. Once I finished the set, I ran over to the side of the stage and hugged Selena. Nate smiled and hugged me once I let her go.

"I've got a flight to catch Dem, but you were amazing as always." He said smiling proudly. I watched as he and Selena said their goodbyes.

"I've gotta shower." I told her before heading toward my dressing room. She followed me.

"Looks like we have an entire week and half together." She said grinning as I stripped my sweaty clothes off and stepped under the shower head.

"Mostly. With the exception of all the eyeballs that watch my every move. I have zero privacy unless I'm on my bus." I explained.

"Ah. Fans and reporters." She said.

"Yup. And believe me, their number one priority is to too figure who I may or may not be fucking or dating or whatever." I say as I scrub my body. I laughed as my manager walked into the room.

"Demi, you've got twenty minutes before the online Q&A." She stated.

"Ok. Thanks." I say as she leaves the room. "See? No privacy." I said while Selena laughed.

She made herself comfortable on the couch while I settled in with my laptop. She leaned her head on my shoulder as I started the live chat. Once I finished and the stage and crew was packed and ready to go, we boarded my bus and got changed into pajamas. I smiled when she immediately draped herself across me.

"I've missed you so much." She mumbled into my chest.

"I missed you too, Selenalenalena." I said. I heard her laugh.

"That's cute."

"I know." I said smirking.

"How have you been?" She asked.

"You know exactly how I've been." I said smiling. "We text and talk all the time."

"You seem kind of thin...are you eating she asked?" A worried expression on her face.

"Sel, I just had lunch with you. We will be grabbing dinner in a few. I'm eating. Stop worrying." I chuckled lightly.

"You're my favorite." She said looking at my face and smiling brightly.

"Sel, I lo..."

She placed her finger against my lips. "Don't say it." She said. "I can't handle it." She whispered.

"Ok." I said softly.

I understood exactly why she didn't want me to say it. It would make what we were doing way too real for her. She had tried several times to end it, but I wouldn't let her. I know she felt the same. I wish she would just say it. I didn't care about what my family would think anymore. I wanted her to myself. I knew that if I was careful, I'd be able to make her mine. I just had to take it slow. This entire situation was hard for her. It affected her deeply and I didn't want her to come out of it broken beyond repair. I know I was climbing a slippery slope, but the heart wants what it wants. I was tired of fighting myself. Now I just had to fight her. She was defenseless when it came to me. I had already crossed every line she had drawn. I've systematically wrecked every single wall she's put up. I know what I'm doing, even if she doesn't. She's what I have been waiting for, even if she doesn't know it yet.

"You scare me sometimes." She says softly.

"How so?" I ask.

"You deserve more than this. I don't know why you settle for it." She responds.

"Maybe it's what I want." I answered.

"No one wants this." She said sadly.

"Well, luckily I'm not like everyone else." I say smiling.

"I wish you were. You have a horrible moral compass." She said grinning.

"The pot calling the kettle black..." I say touching her nose lightly with my finger.

"Shut up!" She sighed, hitting me with a pillow. "This really is horrible what we are doing."

"Agreed. Now quite reminding me." I said rolling toward her.

I pulled her close to me and laid in the darkness stroking her hair. She was going to resist me until the end, I realized. Hopefully it ended with me and her still together. I shuddered as I thought about the alternative. I needed her. She was like oxygen to me. I didn't mean to fall in love with her, but when I did I fell hard. It wasn't her fault either. It was mine. I opened my heart up to a person that I never should have invited in. In any case, it didn't matter anymore. What's done is done and all I can do is move forward. You never really know who you are until you're connected to someone else. She's my soulmate. I'm sure of it. When I'm with her, none of the noise matters. She's mine, and I will keep her forever if it's the last thing I do. I just hope I can hold onto her long enough.


	13. Come Break Me Down

**A/N: As you can see, Selena is slowly losing her mind! Anyway, thanks for reading this and I love all of your reviews. It will be a bit before my next update. The next few chapters are lengthy and complicated. Love you guys!**

I suppose I shouldn't have been as surprised as I was when she almost said it. I had been feeling it for quite sometime now. I couldn't say it though. It was never going to happen for us. The more I tried to push her away, the tighter she held on. I was consumed with guilt yet here I am laying in her arms. I was slowly breaking down and I don't think she realized it. Nate certainly didn't. I sighed as I thought about him. I wish he would just catch us and put me out of my misery. This was not who I was, I felt like I was living someone else's life.

"Demi." I whispered when I felt her stir. "We really need to talk." I said to her.

"What's on your mind Sel?" She asked her voice raspy from sleep.

"This hurts too much." I said my voice my voice catching.

"I know." She grumbled.

"Do you? Sometimes I feel like you're oblivious to what we are actually doing.

"Sel, I'm not oblivious to anything. I realize that we're having an affair. I'm not fucking brain dead." She said her tone short.

"How are you ok with this?" I asked.

"It's simple, I lo..." She sighed as she stopped herself from saying it. " I _care _about you." She said emphasizing the word care.

"We are seriously getting deeper into a mess that we may never be able to clean up." I said.

"Why stop now Sel?" She asked annoyed. "The damage is done." She added.

"Demi..."

"I'm not gonna let you go Sel. Period. End of story." She stated her tone completely serious. "So just stop."

I sighed and sat up. "You need to get ready." I said taking the sheet with me as I went to the front of the bus. I needed to get away from her for a few minutes.

She really wasn't going to let me go. I knew how unpredictable she was when you pissed her off. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, willing myself not to cry. I don't think she realized how much she was actually hurting me. I wish she'd stop fighting and let me go. She was stubborn and unreasonable sometimes. I know what she was feeling, because I felt it too. I was in love with her. I just happened to be married, to someone else. I didn't belong to her. I belonged to him. I sat and stared out the window. I barely noticed when she walked by to exit the bus. After a few moments I got up and got ready. I grabbed my camera and got ready to watch her play in front of another sold out crowd.

It started to rain toward the middle of her set. I watched as the stage crew covered up some of the equipment with tarps and plastic sheeting. They gave her a thumbs up signifying she could keep playing. I watched as she took the guitar off her shoulder and handing it to the tech.

"How about that rain Phoenix!?" She yelled into the mic. The crowd erupted as she brushed her hair out of her face. "So, I wanted to take a few moments and play you guys a song that I love very much. I didn't write it, but if you know the words, sing along. It's called The Kill." she said as the guitars and drums kicked in.

I watched and listened as the crowd sang along to every line. She was completely drenched as the sky continued to pour. Before she got to the bridge, she jumped off the stage and climbed up the barricades. I laughed as the security tried to pull her down but she fought them and slapped their hands away until they finally gave up and held her up. She reached her arm into the crowd and grabbed a hold of someone's hand and didn't let go the entire time she belted out the rest of the song. I took several pictures and watched in awe as fans grabbed a hold of her legs and arm, helping hold her up so she could stand on the narrow barricade. It was amazing. She stayed up there for a few moments after the song ended, touching as many people as she could. Her smile was amazing. She was amazing and larger than life. She was made to be on that stage.

After the show, and against the wishes of security, she went outside the venue and signed autographs and took pictures. It was crazy. I stood back and captured as much of it as I could on film for her. She wasn't able to stay outside the building for long, due to safety concerns, but she stayed until they threatened to arrest her. Once we were back inside the bus, she wrapped me in her arms.

"I'm sorry about earlier." She said.

I just nodded and started crying into her shoulder. She had to know what this was doing to me. She didn't say anything though. She just let me cry while she held me. I felt safe and secure the entire time. It's funny how the thing that makes you cry is also where you find the greatest comfort. I wonder why that is. Without a word, I seperated myself from her and climbed into bed. It was strange to sleep in a bed as we drove down the road. She was used to it. She spent a couple minutes looking through her phone before she joined me. I assumed she was on twitter or something. Once she came to bed, I felt her scoot close to me and lace our fingers together.

"Whatever you're feeling right now Sel, just remember you're not alone. It's going to be ok. I promise." She said.

Deep down in my heart, I knew this would be the second promise she wouldn't be able to keep. It simply was not just going to be ok. I needed to make a choice. I already knew what my choice was, it was just so impossible. There was no way to do this without hurting everyone. Literally. No one would come out of this unscathed.

The rest of the week passed by quickly. I took so many pictures it was going to take me forever to go through all of them. We arrived in Chicago early in the morning. It was the last night of a hugely successful tour for her. Nate was going to be at the show along with the rest of her family. Once it wrapped up, she was taking a break. I Had no idea what her plans were, but I secretly hoped she would be spending the summer in Montana. My anxiety had decreased significantly since the show in Arizona. I was more relaxed and kept my feelings of guilt pushed as far down as I could manage. I'm sure seeing Nate would allow them to burst through to the surface again. She told me on our way here, that a couple of friends would be coming to watch her perform. I didn't realize that one of them was going to be Naya Lopez.

"Hey Sexy." I heard Naya say as she hugged Demi. It was annoying.

"Hey babe." Demi replied. "This is Selena, she's my brothers wife." Demi explained as she introduced us.

She leaned in and kissed my cheek. "Nice to meet you." Naya said with a smile. "You're absolutely gorgeous!" She said, her eyes sparking.

"Thank you." I said smiling. "I love your show." I said slightly awkwardly. I watched as she looked Demi over.

"I've missed you!" She said to Demi.

"I missed you too." Demi responded. "I've been so damn busy, I hardly have a minute to myself." She added.

"Her schedule is exhausting." I chimed in. I had to resist the urge to tell her that she spent all of her free time, with or thinking about me. I was feeling crazy jealous right now.

"We should go out for some drinks afterwards." She said with a mischievous smile on her face.

"Hell yeah!" Demi said.

"You should join us." Naya said making eye contact with me.

"We'll see." I answered.

It didn't take long for the rest of the family to show up. Demi spent a lot of time catching up and talking with them. I faded into the background and kept my eye on Naya. She was all over Demi. The thing that annoyed me the most is the fact that Demi practically encouraged it. I watched her whisper into Demi's ear and Demi would smile at her. It made me want to slap the shit out of her. I know I was being unreasonable, but Demi was mine. Or so I thought.

"Hey babe." Nate whispered into my ear as he wrapped his arms around my waist. I almost cringed.

"Hey." I said. "You're here."

"Of course. I wouldn't miss it. She's my favorite sister." He said winking.

"Nate, She's your only sister. I said rolling my eyes.

"See how that works?" He laughed.

He felt almost foreign to me. I didn't like the way his arms felt around me. "How was your trip?" I asked as he let me go. Thank goodness, I thought to myself.

"It was good. Spent a lot of time doing research, but it was worth it. I think we'll end up winning the case." He said proudly.

"Good I'm glad." I frowned as I watched Demi put her arm around Naya.

Nate glanced the direction I was staring. "You ok Sel?" He asked slowly.

"Yeah. I'm fine. Sorry." I said making eye contact with him.

"Damn." He said whistling. "Is that her new flavor of the week?" He asked "She looks like trouble with a capital T." He added.

"Seriously Nate? Take a picture, it will last longer." I mumbled as I stomped off.

"Sel! Come on! Don't be like that!" He yelled after me.

I ignored him and kept walking. I needed to clear my head. I felt like I was loosing my mind. I needed to get a grip. I heard the door open slowly and I didn't even have to turn around to know who it was.

"Hey." Demi said softly. "You need to relax Sel."

"You need to stop acting single." I snapped.

"Seriously?" She said raising an eyebrow. "I actually am single." She reminded me. "Whatever happend to no jealousy?" She asked.

"I don't like her." I mumbled.

"You don't know her." Demi replied.

"You seem to." I practically hissed at her.

"I'm not going to do this with you, you're acting crazy. Stop it or go the fuck home. This is not the time or place to have a pissing contest." She said grabbing my wrist.

I yanked it out of her grasp. "Fine. I stated flatly.

She walked back inside and I stood there trying to figure out how I was going to fix this. Something had to give. I was a couple crayons short of a box right now and I didn't know how to regain my self control. She was right. I was acting crazy. She made me that way though. The least she could do is tell hell on heels to take a hike. I decided to just let it go. There wasn't a damn thing I could about it anyway. I was after all the one with a husband.


	14. I'd Add Up What You Mean To Me But

**A/N: And the hot mess continues. As always thank you for reading. I realize Selena is infuriating. I'd like to slap the shit out of her, but hey! It's all going to make sense eventually. Maybe... Anyway I hope you like this chapter. This story is heading for a huge complication shortly. I bet y'all can't wait. Lol. Leave me a review. :) The song is by Aaron Lewis it's called "Tangled Up In You."**

She had completely pissed me off. Once I finished with the show, I immediately got into my limo and left the venue, with Naya. I'd had it with all of her childish fucking games. I was way too invested to be treated like that. I wouldn't do it to her. She was being completely unfair. Honestly, I think she was starting to lose her damn mind. I wish she'd just open her fucking eyes and leave him. She could do it gracefully and in the end no one would need to know why. I knew she wouldn't and I was beginning to think that maybe I should get out before we get in deeper than we already are. I loved her and she wouldn't even let me say it.

"You're preoccupied." I heard Naya say.

"Sorry. Rough night." I explained.

"You have the look of someone with woman troubles." She said raising an eyebrow.

"Is it that obvious?" I sighed.

"It's Selena. I knew the second I met her." She said with a smirk.

"Well that's just fan-fucking-tastic." I said.

"It wasnt blatantly obvious or anything." she said trying to reassure me. "It was the way she looked at me. The jealousy. It gave it away. No one else would've noticed though. She's quite good at hiding things. I almost didn't catch it." She explained.

"In any event, I can't really have people knowing this shit." I grumbled.

"I won't say anything. I'm not a bitter backstabbing bitch." She said touching my hand. "Come on. Let's party our asses off." She smiled as the limo came to a stop in front of the club.

As soon as the car door opened we entered the building. We drank and danced the night away. In all honesty I had no recollection of anything. I was blackout drunk. As I woke up, I was distinctly aware of two things. The first thing was my head felt like it had been smacked with a sledgehammer. The second, I was not alone in my bed. The more awake and aware I became, the more I realized about my surroundings. I was in a hotel and I was naked.I carefully poked the body laying next to me and my hand was quickly smacked away.

"What the hell." I heard a voice mumble. She lifted her head and looked at me with one eye open. It was Naya.

"Did we...?"

"Oh shit!" She exclaimed sitting up and grabbing her head. "I think so." She mumbled.

"Sonofabitch."

"Well, this is slightly awkward." She laughed. "We need to be chill about this. You're a good friend and honestly I don't really remember it so technically it didn't happen." She said grimacing. "My head fucking hurts..." She trailed off.

"This is stupid." I muttered. "I'm never drinking again."

Suddenly without warning, Naya starting laughing. In all honesty the situation was so ridiculous I couldn't help but laugh as well. It was the most excruciating laughter I'd ever experienced due to the massive hangover I was experiencing, but it was quite liberating. We took showers and then ordered room service. The real fun didn't start until we decided to check our phones.

"My publicist called me like 20 times." Naya said frowning at her phones screen. She put it up to her ear and played one of the several voicemails. Her mouth dropped open. "Demi! We need to check our instagrams!"

"Oh shit! What the fuck did we do?" I asked as I opened the app. I pinched the bridge of my nose as I scrolled through the pictures. "This is bad." I said as I saw photo of me face down in a strippers boobs. The next photo was no better.

"Look at this one." Naya said as she handed me her phone. It was a picture of me and her kissing. I had my hand planted firmly on her ass.

"We need to delete these." I groaned.

"I agree, but the damage is done. They've been up for almost 8 hours. They are not going to go away any time soon." She said.

"Yeah. I know." I said grimly.

We both spent the next hour or so talking with our various handlers and once we finished dealing with how to handle what would probably be a PR nightmare, we checked out of the hotel. As soon as we stepped out the entrance there were paps and reporters everywhere. It was annoying. I knew there had to be something more important to report other than what I did my with vagina last night. I grabbed Naya's hand as we walked through the crowd, which hotel security kept at bay long enough for us to jump into the waiting SUV. Once we got to the airport, we got checked in and settled in for our flight back to LA. I was spotted by a few fans and took a couple pictures with them, Naya did the same.

Once we made it back to LA, Naya and I went our seperate ways. I entered my house and frowned. It felt cold and empty. I opened up the windows and curtains to make it feel more lively. I was dreading talking to Selena. Normally I would have heard from her by now. She had to have seen the pictures and I'm sure she was pissed. Honestly, she really had no justification to be mad but it didn't matter, she wouldn't see it that way. She must have known I was thinking about her because suddenly I heard my phone make a noise indicating I had a text from Selena.

_Did you have fun?_

_Don't start with me._

_Start what? It's just a question._

_Whatever._

_I'm not trying to fight Demi._

_You're being passive aggressive Sel, I'm not stupid. I know you've seen the pictures and I know you've put two and two together. Yes, Naya and I fucked. And no I'm not sorry._

_Wow. That's real nice Demi._

_Go say hi to your husband for me. _

_You're an asshole._

_So I've been told._

_Demi. I'm really not trying to fight. I wanted to tell you something. It's important._

_If its so important why don't you call?_

_Too many ears..._

_Sel, what do you want? _

_You. I'm going to leave him._

_Seriously? When?_

_Soon. I need to wait until he gets done with this case. I don't want to hurt him while he's working on it. It could destroy his career and he doesn't deserve that._

_Are we really going to do this?_

_Yes. _

_I love you Sel._

_I know._

I immediately noticed she didn't say it back. It was slightly alarming, but I decided not to push the issue. I felt slightly panicked now that we were actually having this conversation. I wasn't sure what we would do moving forward. How do you even gracefully have an open relationship with your brothers ex? I was beginning to get a headache just thinking about it. This was all so ridiculous to me.

_I'll see you in Montana_

She didn't respond. I decided to get everything I'd need packed. I was anxious to see her. She seriously made me feel bipolar. One minute I wanted to kill her and the next I just wanted to hold her and never let go. She wasn't hard to love, it was just a complicated situation. She was honestly one of the most easy going and free spirited people I knew. This affair has literally turned her into a nut job. She worried constantly. Sometimes, I felt like a burden to her. She wanted to give me everything, but she couldn't. Sometimes I worried that she loved him more. She's never actually told me she loved me. This worried me a little. Like I said before, it was alarming. How could you leave your husband for someone that you've never confessed your love for? I finished packing, and went to sleep. I had a long summer ahead of me.

I met Shane at the baggage claim. I was so happy to see him. He looked good. He and Taylor had been doing really well. If you asked me, she was perfect for him. She tolerated just enough of his bullshit to keep him grounded. I was looking forward to working on the ranch this summer. I was still seriously contemplating leaving LA and my entire career behind and coming back here permanently. I was tired. I wasn't old enough to feel as exhausted as I did. We drove to the ranch in a comfortable silence. I knew he was dying to give me shit about the whole Naya thing. I was suprised when he didn't. He was probably saving it for later. Asshole. Once we made it to the ranch I hugged my mom and dad and got unpacked and changed. I wanted to take a ride so I laced up my boots, buckled up my spurs and headed out to the horse corral.

I made my way along the ridge line, and sure enough he was out there as well, my grizzly. I took my lever action 30/30 out of my saddle holster and sighted in on the massive beast. He was standing on his hind legs sniffing the air. As I stared at him down the sights of my rifle, he spotted me. He was about fifty yards away. Too my surprise, he just stood there and stared. After several moments, I lowered my rifle. I still couldn't do it. I watched as he lowered down to all fours and walked back into the forest. I let out a long sigh, and continued along the ridge. I didn't know if I'd ever be able to pull the trigger. For whatever reason I felt connected to the animal. It was as if he represented the beast inside of me. Just like him, I was wild and untamed. Killing him, killed my spirit. I made a mental note to talk to Benji about this. He would have a better understanding of these sort of things.

I spent the next two days roaming the ranch property. It had been a longtime since I'd had so much open space to myself. I cleared my head and finally decided what I wanted out of life. I wanted this. I wasn't leaving. My father was getting old and I knew that Shane needed help around here. We had ranch hands, but this land belonged to my family and it was our job to take care of it. I was rooted here. When I died, I would be buried here. It took me several hours to make it back to the house. My back was sore and my ass was numb.

"There she is." Shane said as I rode toward the corral.

"Hey fucker!" I said trying to hit him with one of the reins. He ducked out of the way.

"How was your ride?" He asked as I dismounted.

"Refreshing and eye opening." I said with a smile. I loosened the saddle and pulled it of the horse.

"I was beginning to think you got lost or were eaten." He said with a grin, as I brushed the horse down and released it into the corral.

"You're stupid!" I said punching his arm. "I know this land better than anyone asshole!" I said with a smirk. "Nate here yet?" I asked casually.

"Nope. Not for a couple more days." He answered.

"Good." I stated.

"Wow. Someone not getting along with their kid brother?" He asked.

I laughed. "No we're good." I said without elaborating any further.

"So, someone had a good time in Chicago." He said waggling his eyebrows. I immediately pushed him into the water trough.

"You asked for it buddy." I said pretending to scold him as he sat there and pushed his wet hair out of his face.

"You're so fuckin dead!" He exclaimed as he jumped up and I took off sprinting toward the house.

"Mom!" I yelled as I tried to keep from laughing. "Help!"I quickly made it to the house and found her in the kitchen.

"What is all this fuss about?" She asked confused.

I laughed as Shane stomped into the kitchen, dripping wet.

"What the hell?" I heard my mother exclaim. "Boy, you better get outside before I whoop you. Dripping water all over the place..." She said to my brother.

"I'm gonna get you back." Shane warned as he went outside.

"Thanks mom." I smiled giving her a kiss on the cheek.

After dinner, I grabbed a glass and poured me some Jack and went upstairs. So much for never drinking again, I thought. I sat on my bed and played my guitar. I had a few days prepare myself for the madness that is Selena. I was grateful. I needed to brace myself for whatever storm was coming to pass. I decided that I would keep my hands off until she was ready to leave him. We couldn't risk being caught. There was too much at stake. As I strummed my guitar, I suddenly found a melody and I let the words escape my lips.

_You're my world_

_The shelter from the rain_

_You're the pills_

_That take away my pain_

_You're the light_

_That helps me find my way_

_You're the words_

_When I have nothing to say_

_In this world_

_When nothing else is true_

_Here I am_

_Still tangled up in you_

_I'm still tangled up in you_

I put the guitar down and closed my eyes. I needed to settle. I could feel a heavy feeling start to settle I to the pit of my stomach. I tried to ignore but it persisted. I sighed. I had a bad feeling about this. Whatever was going to happen, was going to be a fucking disaster.


	15. When The Lights Go Down

**A/N: This chapter is the second major turning point of this story. Thank you all for reading and reviewing. I hope you are enjoying reading this as much as I enjoy writing it. Have fun.**

For nearly a year, I have been living behind a mask. If you look closely, you can see the cracks in its surface. This mask gives the outward appearance that everything is fine. It makes people think that I am the perfect wife and that I love my perfect husband. I hide behind that mask during the daylight hours. At night, it comes off. I hide in the shadows and let the darkness cover me in its cold veil. Only then will I let the tears fall. It wasn't until I met her, that I realized that my idea of love was very naive. Love was meant to be consuming and painful. I didn't feel that with Nate. Demi lit my heart up in ways I cannot describe. True love burns with an intensity that is almost unbearable. She gave me those things. In her arms, I was home. If I had known her before I agreed to marry Nate, things would be much different right now.

I felt sick. These past few weeks I've had difficulty sleeping and eating. Anything I ate made me nauseous. I was emotional and completely miserable. I wasn't this person. I didn't lie to people, it's not who I am. I have never felt so out of touch with myself as I do whenever I am around my husband. When he told me that he wouldn't be able to make out to the ranch until three weeks after I left, I had never felt more relieved.

As I pulled up to the house, I could see Demi sitting down on a stool shoeing a horse. She didn't look up from her task and I didn't really expect her too. She was concentrating as she tapped the nails into the horses hoof. I could see Taylor in the garden with Connie. I stepped out of the vehicle and doubled over as the urge to vomit washed over me. Shane quickly ran over to see of I was ok.

"You alright Sel?" He asked a concerned look on his face.

"Yeah." I breathed. "Just a little carsick." I said as he led me to the porch to sit.

I smiled my thanks and took a couple deep breaths. I noticed Demi briefly pause what she was doing to study me. Her wide brimmed hat hid her eyes. After a about a minute or so, she resumed her work. I sat there until she finished. I probably wouldn't have been able to move even if I wanted too. Once she returned the horse to the corral, she made her way over to me.

"You look really pale Selena." She said, her features heavy with concern.

"I haven't been feeling well." I explained.

"You should lay down." She said softly. "Come on. Lets go upstairs."

"Ok." I said slowly standing up. I felt wobbly and was relieved when I felt her arm wrap around my waist. "Sorry." I said taking a shaky breath.

"I've got you." She says her tone reassuring.

She takes me upstairs and helps me into bed. Her touch is gentle and comforting. I wanted so much for her to crawl into bed and hold me. I knew she wouldn't though. Once she tucked me into bed, she kissed my forehad and mumbled something about bringing me some food. She returned thirty minutes later with a bowl of tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich. Surprisingly, I was able to keep it down. She sat silently as I ate the food. I could tell she had something on her mind.

"You're distant." I said softly.

"I know. I'm sorry." She said.

"Are you upset with me?" I asked her.

"No. Just myself." She smiled sadly.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I ask.

"I live inside my head." She says.

"What do you mean?" I asked, confused.

"All day long I think about you and us and Nate and what the hell we're gonna do." She says running her hand through her messy hair. "I know that what I'm doing, is wrong. I know that everytime I touch you, I'm betraying my brother. The worst part about it is I don't even care anymore. I want you to leave him Sel. For real. I don't want to wait for you anymore. All of this hiding is killin us." She said to me.

"It's not that simple Demi." I say sighing. I'm much too tired to have this conversation right now. "I have to wait until the time is right."

"Do you love me?" She asks. I hate it when she does that. She knows that I won't go there as long as I'm married to Nate. It's not fair to him. "Ah, I forgot, you think if you don't say it you're not completely betraying him." She said sarcastically.

"Demi. Stop. If you're going to be an asshole, leave. I don't need this shit right now." I said glaring at her.

"Get some rest Sel." She said standing and leaving the room.

I immediately regretted telling her to leave. I was tired of feeling so confused all the time. I laid there and thought about her the entire time. Once I had finally drifted off to sleep, I woke and felt slightly better. I was surprised to see Taylor sitting in the chair beside my bed.

"Hey." She said with a smile. "You feeling better?" She asked.

"A little." I said yawning. "How long was I asleep?" I asked.

"A couple hours." She told me.

"Is Demi around?" I asked.

"No. She left with Shane about an hour ago. They're headed out with the cattle for a couple days. They're taking them up to the mountains." She told me. "Why?" She asked raising an eyebrow.

"I was just wondering." I said quietly.

"Sel, is there something going on between you two?" She asked her tone careful.

"No...I just..." I closed my eyes and sighed. "I don't know anymore Tay."

"Selena. What are you trying to say?" She asked a confused look on her face.

"Taylor, what I'm about to tell you can never leve this room. Do you understand?"

"Ok. I promise."

"Demi and I have been having an affair." I said slowly.

"Oh my god!" Sel!" Taylor exclaimed. "How long?"

"Since before the wedding." I mumbled.

"Are you fuckin serious?!"

I nodded slowly. "Yes."

"Wow." She said softly. "I had asked her about you two that night we went out to the club. She said that there wasn't anything going on."

"That's the first time it happened." I explained.

"Sweetheart. What are you gonna do?" She asked me with a worried expression on her face.

"I'm going to leave him." I whispered.

"Are you sure?" She asked.

"Yes. I love her Taylor. It hurts me to have to hold back from her."

"You do know she's not exactly a picnic." She warned. "She comes with a set of baggage that's almost unbelievable."

"She's more than that." I said slightly annoyed.

"I'm just warning you. Nate is stable and secure." She stated.

"What if I don't want that Tay? What if I want crazy?" I asked. "She has made me realize that I don't want to settle for safe and secure. I want more."

"Have you told her? She asked.

"Yes. She knows I'm going to leave him."

"That's not what I was asking about." She said. "You haven't told her you're pregnant?"

"Excuse me?" I asked shocked. "I'm not pregnant.

"Really?" She asked surprised. "You have classic symptoms of morning sickness. Have you not seen a doctor about all this puking and lack of energy?"

"No. I just assumed it was stress." I said softly as a feeling of dread spread through my limbs. "Oh my god Tay...what am I goin to do if I'm pregnant..."

"We'll figure that out once we figure out if you're actually pregnant or not. Lets go into town and grab a couple pregnancy tests." She says.

I hadn't even considered pregnancy as an option for what was making me sick. I honestly thought it was the stress and lying that had finally started to take its toll. It was exhausting. I had no idea what I would do if I was pregnant. It changed everything. How would Demi react? How would Nate react? Not only was I going to be asking him for a divorce and oh hey, by the way we're having a baby. I think was the universes way of punishing me for my indiscretions

Taylor and I headed into town, grabbed what we needed at the pharmacy and headed back to the house. I was shaking as I waited for the test results. Taylor gave me a weak smile and grasped my hand. Time seemed to stop as I waited for the results. When the timer went off, I nearly jumped out of my chair. I picked up the stick and my heart sank. It was positive.

I took every single one of the tests. They all said the same thing, positive. Once the shock wore off, I buried my face in my hands and cried. I couldn't believe this was happening to me. Under normal circumstances I would be overjoyed. Instead I was faced with the reality of telling my lover that I was pregnant with my husbands baby. I felt like I had somehow betrayed her.

"Sel." I heard Taylor say as she rubbed small circles on my back. "What are you going to do?" She asked.

"I don't know." I said my voice hoarse.

"Are you going to keep it?" She asked.

"Of course I am!" I snapped. "That's not even an option."

"I'm sorry. I had to ask though. It would be ok of you didn't keep the baby Sel. Things are complicated right now."

"I can't. I just can't get an abortion. I'm a terrible enough person without adding that to the table." I said as the tears slid down my cheeks.

"You're not a terrible person Sel." She said trying to comfort me. "You're just trying to find your way."

"I don't deserve either of them Taylor. Nate is a good man. And Demi...she's everything to me and I can't even say it to her. She gives me everything even though I hold back from her." I said my voice cracking.

"Someone's heart is going break Sel. There's no way around that. You have to make a choice. Either way, you and that baby will be taken of." She said softly. "It's time to let one of them go. Follow your heart."

"What if my heart is wrong?" I ask.

"You will never know unless you try. I'm here for you no matter what."

"I don't know if I can stand losing either of them." I said crying harder. Taylor pulled me into her arms and held me while I let all of my heartbreak and sorrow flood from my eyes. My heart was slowly breaking and I was a complete mess. There was only one person that I wanted right now, and they weren't here. The only thing that I could about was how I was going to tell her.


	16. I Can't Do This Anymore

**A/N: And so it continues...**

I watched the cattle move across the hillside. I loved it out here. I glanced over at Shane, he was napping against a tree. For the first time in a long time, I felt content. I had spoken with my management team about my intention to leave public life. They were currently working out the best way to inform my fans and the general public. I will probably always make music, I just wouldnt be touring and doing endless publicity. No more premiers and parties and award shows. I was coming home permanently. No more la la land for me. I was burnt out.

"You ready?" I heard Shane grumble as he woke up.

"Just waiting on you sleeping ugly." I smirked.

"Lame." He said rolling his eyes.

"Quit your bitching and lets go." I said to him. "They've settled in nicely." I said referring to the cattle.

He got up and climbed onto his horse. "Don't have to tell me twice. I'm ready for a hot shower and a warm bed." He stated.

"You an me both." I replied.

"Can I ask you something Dem?" Shane said as we rode toward the house.

"Go for it."

"What do you think of Taylor?" He asked.

"She's a great person." I said with a smile.

"So, you like her?" He asked hopefully.

"Umm, yes." I said raising an eyebrow. "You're being weird." I added.

"I'm gonna ask her to marry me." He blurted out.

"That's awesome!" I exclaimed. "Good luck." I winked.

"Thanks Dem." he said laughing.

"She'll say yes."

"I know."

The rest of the ride home was spent in silence. Silence with Shane is always comfortable. He had a certain air of carelessness about him. He was the oldest, but he often acted like the youngest. He was a man child. Full of mischief and foolishness. I still had him beat in the mischief deptartment however. Mischief was my specialty. He was the kind of guy that would give you the shirt off his back. He was a good man and he would be a good husband and father. Out of all of us, I always pictured him having like a million kids.

We arrived back at the house just as the sun was setting. I saw Selena out by the oak tree taking some pictures. I was surprised to see her up and moving around. She looked terrible the last time I saw her. I unsaddled my horse, brushed it down and let it loose in the corral. I saw her approach me as I carried my riding gear to the barn.

"Need a hand?" She said smiling. I loved the way her eyes lit up.

"Nah. I got it."

"It's been quiet without you Shane around."

"I'm sure that was a welcome relief." I said as I put my saddle and halter away.

"I missed you." She said touching my forearm.

"I need to go wash up." I said awkwardly.

"Dem. Don't be like this. Please?" She asked me.

I sighed as she searched my eyes for some signal of surrender. I wasn't trying to be indifferent to her, I just didn't want to get lost in her. "Come see me after dinner." I said softly as I reached my hand out and touched her face gently.

"Ok." She said softly as she turned and walked toward the house.

Dinner was uneventful. I was preoccupied anyway. I didn't really talk much and I was glad that no one really noticed. I could vaguely hear the conversations as they all spoke about their day or something they heard on the news. I pretty much just zoned out. I had one thing on my mind, Selena. I wanted her to leave Nate. We still hadn't decided how we were going to go about telling the family about our relationship when the time came. I assumed it would be a simple story about the way we connected after Nate and her got divorced. I'm not sure what kind of timeline we would be working with, so our relationship would have to be secret. The secrecy was getting old as it was. I was getting frustrated with how complicated this whole situation was. For whatever reason, I never imagined falling in love to be so damn complicated. I've been in love before, but never the way I am now. She takes my breath away. She makes me do things I otherwise would never do. I'm a mess when it comes to her. I always thought love was this simple and beautiful feeling you had when you met the right person. I was quickly finding out that love was more like dormant volcano, once it erupted, it burned everything in sight.

"You ok Dem"? I heard Shane ask.

"Yeah I'm fine."

"She's probably just day dreaming again." My father stated.

"I'm just tired." I smiled. "It's been a long couple of days."

"I'm with you on that one sis." Shane said.

"When is Nate going to be here?" My mom asked Selena.

"He said sometime in the next two and half weeks. He's finishing up a big case. Once the closing arguments are finished and the verdict is decided he will be here." She explained.

"I bet you can't wait to see him." She stated with a smile.

I noticed Selena hesitate before answering. "Yes, I'm very anxious." She said forcing a smile.

Once dinner finally concluded, I went outside to have my usual glass of Jack. I sat on the porch and enjoyed the warm summer breeze. I heard her as she poked her head out the sliding glass door. "I'll be upstairs." She said quietly. I nodded and brought the glass of alcohol up to my lips. I took a long drink and sighed as the amber liquid burned my throat. I took a few more moments and once I finished my drink, I went upstairs.

The room was dark when I entered. I knew she was in there though, I could smell her. She had a sweet vanilla and almond scent to her. It would linger even when she wasn't in the room. I saw her sitting on the window seat staring out the window. She was looking at the moon. The moonlight cast a pale silver glow onto her skin making her look almost ethereal. i noticed she was holding a white envelope in her hands.

"Hey." I said softly.

"I have to tell you something." She said turning her head to face me. She moved her legs so I could sit with her in the window.

"Is everything ok?" I asked worried.

"I don't know." She whispered. "What I'm about to tell you will change everything." She said a tear rolling down her cheek.

"What is it?" I asked, preparing for the worst. She handed me the envelope. I opened it and took out what looked like sonogram pictures. "What are these?" I aske confused.

"I'm pregnant."

"What? How is that even possible? Were you still..." I trailed off.

It took me a minute to let the words sink in. She was pregnant. I had no idea what to say to that. I took a time out. I closed my mouth, stood up and I walked away. This changed everything. It didn't change the way I felt about her, it just made it impossible for us to be together. I'm pretty sure at this point it was never a possibility. We were foolish to think otherwise. I couldn't do this to my brother. I couldn't be the reason his pregnant wife left him. I refused. Once I collected my thoughts, I went back into the house. I found her right where I left her. In my bedroom. This wasn't going to be easy.

"I can't do this anymore." I stated flatly.

"Because I'm pregnant?" She asked me, a hint of sadness in her eyes.

"We have to let each other go." I said as the tears started to fall.

"Demi..." She whispered.

"I know you won't say it and I know that you refuse to admit it, but I feel it. I'm in love with you and you're married to my brother."

"Why? Why did you have say it?" She sobbed "You promised me you wouldn't..." She choked.

"Why can't you say it?" I asked wiping away my own tears.

"Leave my heart out of this." She said her voice wavering.

"I can't do that anymore. That's what this is about. Your heart and mine. If you think it's not, then you're lying to yourself. This is never going to happen for us. It's tearing you apart. It's tearing me apart. I'm done." I tell her.

"What am I supposed to do without you?" She cried, her voice cracking.

"Sel, I can't do this. I'm just gonna surrender to the inevitable. I can't fight anymore. I was never going to win anyway." I choked out. " You're married to Nate. You're pregnant with his baby. There's no place for me Sel. We're done. I have to pick up the pieces of my life and walk away. Don't you know how much this kills me?" I said frowning.

"Don't do this Demi." She begged.

"Why can't you let me go? Why can't you just admit what we both know?" I said looking her in the eye. She looked completely broken and panicked.

She let out a strangled sob. "I don't know how to let you go."

"You're about to learn." I said

"I'll leave him!" She blurted out.

"No you won't." I whispered. "You would have done it by now. We both knew this was going to happen. I love you Selena, and you can't even say it back. There's nothing left to discuss. I'm exhausted. I gave you everything I could, even when I couldn't." I stated, letting my hands drop to my side. "It's over." I said softly.

I felt her wrap her arms around my neck and hold onto to me for dear life. I could feel her teardrops as they landed on my collarbone. "You have to let me go." I said gently as I tried to pry her off of me.

"I can't." She said crying even harder than she already was.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and reached behind my head. I pulled her arms off of me and walked to the door.

"Demi!" She sobbed. "Please don't go." She begged. "Please?" I didn't turn around but I heard her sink to the floor. I had never heard a more heartbreaking sound.

She let out a painful cry as I softly closed the door. I carefully put one foot in front of the other and put some distance between us. I had no choice, this had to be done. Someday she would thank me for this. I walked out to the shop and got into the Chevelle and slammed my fists on the steering wheel. I broke down crying and let my head rest against the cool glass of the window. I had never felt so much physical pain in my life. It literally hurt to leave her. After about an hour and multiple panic attacks, I started the car and drove away, a gaping hole where my heart should be.


	17. Life Kinda Just Keeps Happening

**A/N: Drama free. Yay! Or is it...?**

It had been nearly 8 monts since Demi left me crying on her bedroom floor. The first week was absolutely horrendous. I would watch her stumble out into the night drunk and heartbroken. I was angry with her then. Not anymore. She was right. We had to stop. I left the ranch shortly after Demi ended things between us. I couldn't be around her. She had become moody and extremly self destructive. I couldn't handle it. My heart was broken and I couldnt stand to watch as she slowly destroyed herself. I left without saying goodbye. It was for the best.

Once I had told Nate about the pregnancy he was ecstatic. I reconnected with him and found the love that I had been missing. He never knew any different. I finally had my perfect marriage. He took care of me and loved me unconditionally. When I was with him, I almost forgot about Demi. Almost. I think that I will always carry a part of her with me. She'll always be my secret. A love that I'll never have. She deserved more than I gave her. I never told her that I loved her. And I did. I loved her so much and she will never know. That's the hardest part of this for me. I want her to know so badly, but it's just too late. I've moved on.

Taylor and Shane had gotten married a couple months ago. Their wedding like Nate and I's, was held at the ranch. It was a beautiful evening ceremony. I saw Demi but she wouldn't talk to me. She seemed to be doing ok. Taylor told me that she had been drinking a lot still, but she had more good days than bad days. I missed her, but it was a dull ache. Time was slowly healing my heart and I was grateful. I rarely thought about her at all anymore.

Nate had become my sole focus these past few months. I felt like I had fallen in love with him all over again. Without even realizing it, he helped heal the heartbreak his sister left me with. Once again he became everything I had ever wanted. I smiled as I watched him putting the baby's crib together. His forehead was scrunched in concentration. He looked like he was attempting to solve the mystery of how the universe was created, it was cute.

"I feel like I'm performing brain surgery." He laughed as he attempted to fit the pieces together.

"Babe, you went to Harvard you'll manage." I smiled at him.

"Somehow I doubt my law degree is going to save me right now."

"I believe in you." I said trying to sound serious. Our conversation was interrupted by my phone ringing. "Hello?" I said into the receiver.

"Hey Sel!" It was Taylor.

"Hey Tay! How are you doing?"

"I'm doing great. Just wanted to check up on you, Nate and the bun you have in the oven."

"We're good. Just anxious for her to be born."

"You and me both!"

"How's Shane?"

"Hes good. He's been working a lot. Demi has been back and forth between the ranch and LA a lot lately, so his workload is a little heavier."

I swallowed at the mention of Demi's name. "She must be recording or something."

"I don't think so..." She said trailing off. "Anyway, when are you guys going to be coming down here?"

"Probably a few months after the baby is born. We want to get adjusted and then bring her out so the family can spend time with her."

"I'm so excited!" Taylor gushed.

"We are too." I smiled.

"I hate to cut this short Sel, but i've gotta get going. Shane and I are moving the cattle back down to the pastures. It's going to be a long day for us."

"I'll talk to you soon. Bye Tay." I said as I hung up the phone.

I sat and continued to watch Nate as he built our daughters crib. As I watched him, I found my mind wandering to Demi. I knew that she hated flying so her constant back and forth trips to LA made no sense to me. She had to have a good reason to travel so often. I slowly began to realize my mind was beginning to wander to places it really shouldn't. Demi was behind me and I needed to leave her there. As I sat there trying to get my brain to get off the topic of Demi, my water broke.

"Umm...Nate." I said slowly.

"Yeah babe?" He replied slightly distracted.

"It's time."

"Ok." He said as he continued to work on the crib.

"Like now Nate. The baby is coming."

"Oh, holy shit!" He exclaimed jumping up.

He hurried through the house collecting the pre packed bag and various other things I had prepared for when the baby was born. He carefully and calmly loaded me into the car and drove to the hospital. Once we arrived, we checked in and got settled into the delivery room. At my direction, he made several phone calls to family to alert them that we were about to have the baby. Labor pains were horrendous. He held my hand and took care of me the entire time. Sixteen hours later we both became parents when I gave birth to a health baby girl. She was perfect.

The moment I held her in my arms, I fell in love. Nate looked completely stunned. "Look what we did baby." He whispered as the tears fell from his eyes. "She's beautiful."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

I woke to soft voices in the room. I was surprised to see Shane sitting in the rocking chair holding Gracie. I couldn't help but smile at how small she looked in his arms. Nate stood close by as he watched his brother hold his new niece.

"She's so awesome." I heard him say. He glanced up and smiled at me when he noticed my open eyes. "Hey Sel."

"What are you doing here?" I asked him with him a soft smile.

"We flew out as soon as we heard you were in labor. We've been here for a few hours now." He answered.

"We?"

"Yeah. Demi's here too. We wouldn't miss this for the world. She's our first niece." He said as he kissed Gracie on the nose.

"I'm glad you guys came." I said,hiding the fact that the mention of Demi being here made me feel slightly panicked.

"Knock, knock." I heard her say as she poked her head in the door. "Hey." She said softly when saw that I was awake.

"Hey." I replied with a shy smile.

"Come on in Dem." Nate said.

She stepped through the door holding a bunch of flowers and a bag of food from Jack in the Box. "This is for you." She said as she sat it down on the table and gave me a hug. "Good job." She said with a smile as she glanced over at Gracie.

"Thank you."

I watched as she walked over to Shane. "Look at her Dem, shes perfect." Shane said.

"Hell yeah she is." Demi replied. "She's a Gray." Nate laughed. "Let me hold her." She said to Shane.

Shane stood up and carefully placed the baby in Demi's arms. I almost melted at how perfect they looked together. She carefully lowered herself into the chair. She never took her eyes off of Gracie. She looked mesmerized. I smiled as she started to softly sing to the new born. Nate and Shane stood on opposite sides of the chair. As I watched the three of them, I realized that child would grow up with so much love.

After about an hour or so, Nate and Shane left to go get some dinner. Demi stayed behind to help me with Gracie and to make Nate feel better about leaving. I didn't mind him going. He needed to eat and I enjoyed the alone time with Gracie. I was surprised that Demi was so quiet most of the time. She would ask if I needed anything from time to time, but she mostly stayed quiet and read her book.

"I'm glad you're here." I said to Demi as I looked down at my daughter.

"Me too. It's good to see you. Motherhood suits you."

"How have you been?"

"You know me, I manage." She says with a tight smile. "I got a cat." She says randomly.

"Aren't you allergic to cats?" I asked laughing.

"Yes. It's hairless and ugly as fuck." She says with a smile.

I continued to laugh. "Are we ok Dem?" I asked sobering up.

"Yeah." She said softly. "We're good."

"Friends?"

"Yeah. Friends." She said as she went back to reading her book.

Shane and Nate returned shortly after and Demi left. Something about her seemed different. She seemed too calm and indifferent. I couldn't really read her. I've never had that problem with her before. She usually wore her emotions on her sleeve. She seemed so guarded now.

"Sel." I heard Shane say. "You look like you're thinking real hard." He said.

"Yeah. I guess." I said my brow furrowing. "Demi seems a bit..."

"Off?" He asked interrupting me.

"Yeah." I said nodding my head.

"She been like this for a while now." He said. "She's going through something, but she won't talk about it so I just leave it alone."

"Whatever it is, I'm sure it'll pass." Nate added. "It always does."

"I'm seriously going to steal your baby." Shane said as he smiled at Gracie.

I laughed. "Go make your own!"

"Challenge accepted!" He said with a goofy grin.

Nate and Demi stayed in town long enough to help get me settled in at home once I was discharged from the hospital. I was actually sad to see them to go. It was nice to be around the family. The ranch had began to feel more like home than Chicago and I missed it terribly. Gracie was amazing. She was

Rob ably the most well adjusted on the baby on the planet. She rarely cried. All the horror stories I'd heard about never sleeping and constant crying were not an issue for me. I slept when she slept and I was awake when she was awake. Nate was very hands on. Like me, he just couldnt get enough of her.

"Mom is anxious to see her." He said as he put her into her crib

"Mine too." I smiled. "She's kinda pissed Demi and Shane saw her first." I added, chuckling.

"I asked them to come. I was nervous. Knowing they would be here calmed me." Nate said with a shy grin.

"I figured."

Nate yawned. "I'm exhausted. Let's get some sleep before she wakes up."

We climbed into bed and I snuggled into his chest. I could smell his aftershave as I drifted into a peaceful slumber. That night I had a dream about Demi. I saw her standing in front of a river. Her lips were moving but I couldn't hear what she was saying. She looked angry and she kept pointing to the water. I call out to her but she ignores me and jumps into the current. I run to the bank and look into the water, I can see her. Her lips are blue and her eyes are blank and glossy. I wake up slightly unnerved when I hear Gracie stir. It was a weird dream. I had to fight off the urge to call her and see if she was ok. I spent the rest of the night rocking in a chair holding my baby girl. I couldn't get Demi's lifeless expression out of my mind.


	18. And I Will Swallow My Pride

**A/N: Thank you guys for reading and reviewing. I appreciate it so much. Here's the new chapter! Enjoy.**

I felt like I was drowning. No matter how hard I tried to stay afloat, I kept sinking. As I sat in my plane seat waiting for the flight to depart, I felt empty. Seeing her hurt more than I realized it would. I walked away all those months ago but the wounds still felt fresh. She seemed happy. Nate seemed happy. Everything seemed to be perfect. I was a completely different story. I was a complete wreck and somehow I managed to keep it from the surface, but inside I was miserable. I knew that my family could tell something wasn't quite right, but how could I explain it to them? My brother is married to the woman that I have fallen completely and utterly in love with and I had to leave her. I had to suffer this burden alone. It was my only choice.

She looked so radiant and beautiful. She literally took my breath away. I desperately missed her. I missed the way she smelled. I missed her smile. I missed the way she'd lay her head on my chest and sigh. I just missed her. The way my name sounded on her lips. She was all that mattered to me, and now she was his. In the end I guess she always was. They had a family now. Gracie brought them closer together. I could see the way she looked at him. It made me jealous. I wanted her to look at me that way. She wouldn't though. She didn't love me. She loved him and that's the way it should be.

"Demi." Shane said snapping me out of my private torture. "You're frowning." He said.

"Yeah. I'm just bummed about having to leave Gracie. She's amazing." I lied.

"Me too. Makes me want one you know?" He said.

I smiled. "Yeah I know what you mean."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure." I sighed.

"What have you been doing in LA?" He asked.

"You really wanna know?" I asked.

"I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to know." He replied.

"Working out the details of being released from my record contract." I told him.

"Well holy shit Dem. that's kinda a big deal. Why?" He asked as I felt the plane begin to taxi.

"I want out. I'm tired of the business." I stated. It was a simple answer. He seemed satisfied because he just nodded in response.

"It's your life." He said as he opened up a magazine and started reading.

As usual my thoughts drifted back to Selena. She was driving me insane. She's all I could think about. I felt gravity push me back in my seat as the plane lifted off the ground. I watched as the earth disappeared below me. I wondered what she was doing right now. I sat in silence the entire flight. I missed her and it was slowly destroying me.

I was relieved when Shane and I finally made it back to the ranch. I needed to be alone. I grabbed a bottle of Jack and sat out on the front porch looking into the night sky. Every night she would come out here looking for me. I smiled when I remembered the first time she came out here. She was nervous. I wasn't, I was drunk and carefree. Things were simpler then. I wanted so badly to go back and erase that kiss. I couldn't look at the old oak tree anymore without thinking about it. I never should have done it. She never should have followed me that night.

I continued to drink until the bottle was nearly empty. I stood up and stumbled out into the yard. Everything was a blur. The alcohol softened the edges of the landscape turning it into one blurry mess. I moved closer to the oak tree and leaned up against the rough bark of the trunk. Without its support I probably would've fell. As I stood there with my arms wrapped around the tree, I felt angry and so alone. I leaned my back against the trunk and sank to the grass. I felt so hopeless. My heart felt like it was in my throat and I couldn't breathe. Once the tears started falling, they wouldn't stop.

I woke the next morning with a pounding headache and sore back. I had passed out against the tree. This had become routine for me, waking up hungover. At some point something had to give. I ended things months ago. She had moved on I had not. I slowly lifted myself off the ground and stood. My clothes were slightly damp and my mouth was dry. Today was not going to be a good day. I walked toward the house and Taylor spotted me. She immediately walked toward me with a look of concern.

"Demi. What happened to you." She said touching my arm.

"I fell asleep outside." I said my voice raspy and hoarse.

"More like passed out." She mumbled. "Let's get you inside and cleaned up."

I nodded in response.

She went with me upstairs to my room. I watched as she walked into the bathroom and turned on the tub. She poured some soaps and checked the temperature of the water.

"I think a bath will do you good."

"Thank you." I said as I sat and attempted to unlace my boots. It was hard for me to bend over since my back was stiff.

"Here. Let me." She said kneeling down and untieing them for me. "I'll be downstairs making you some breakfast. Come down when you're finished." She told me.

"Ok." I answered as she walked away.

I slipped out of my clothes and lowered myself into the hot water. It felt good against my skin. I scrubbed my body and washed my hair. I relaxed a couple minutes then I lifted myself out of the water and dried off. I pulled on some sweatpants and a t-shirt then made my way downstairs. Taylor was making me some food. I sat down at the table and watched as she moved around the kitchen. She was making ommlettes and coffee.

"You didn't have to do all this." I said to her.

"I know. I wanted to." She smiled. "You'd do the same for me. I know you're heartbroken right now."

"What?" I asked raising an eyebrow. "I'm not sure I'm following."

"Don't play dumb with me Dem. I know everything. I've known for a while."

"Who told you?"

"Selena. It doesn't matter though, I would have figured out eventually anyway."

"I wonder who else she told." I mumbled.

"No one. Just me. She wanted to leave him you know? She chose you. I don't understand why you left her." She said softly as she placed the ommlettes onto plates.

"I did the right thing Taylor. We never should have started the affair in the first place. It was a mistake."

"Why are you so heartbroken Demi? You guys really had something..."

"Enough!" I snapped. "It's done. I don't want to talk about it anymore. She is married to my little brother. She has a child with him. That's all there is to it. There is nothing else. Whatever we had is dead."

"You're a damn fool." Taylor said as she sat my plate of food in front of me and walked away.

"Dammit." I sighed. I got up from the table and followed her into the den. I found her sitting on the couch. I sat down next to her an took a deep breath. "I'm sorry Taylor."

"I know." She answered.

"I'm not doing good right now. Everything is all jumbled up and I feel so...empty."

"Why did you let her go? She wanted you Dem. I could see it in her eyes."

"I couldn't do it. I couldn't do that to her, or Nate." I said my voice cracking. "I did the right thing Tay. You should have seen her. She was so happy. Their family is perfect."

"You loved her enough to put her happiness over yours." She said softly.

"Yeah. I don't know if she actually loved me in return. She never said it."

"I bet she did. She wouldn't have gotten involved with you if she didn't. That's not who she is."

"It doesn't matter anymore anyway. It's done. I'm going to regret it the rest of my life."

"Selena?" She asked.

"No. I will never regret Selena. I regret walking away. I just want her to be happy and if its with him, then so be it. I just want her to smile and feel loved. I want her to have everything." I said as the tears fell down my cheeks.

"I hope you're right about her being happy. Her eyes would light up every time you entered the room. I notice these things about her. I've known her my whole life. She loved you Demi. It doesn't matter if she said it or not."

"It matters." I said softly. "I'm gonna go lay down. I just can't do this right now." I said as I wiped away the tears.

"You might have walked away from her Demi, but you haven't let her go. Maybe it's time to so that. I don't think you heart can take much more."

"I don't think it can either." I said as I stood an walked away.

I went upstairs to my room and closed the door. I walked over to the window seat and sat down. It was a beautiful day outside but I couldn't feel the suns warmth. In fact, I couldn't really anything but aching my heart. Taylor was right, I had to let her go. I picked up my guitar and started to play.

_Memories fade into the silence_

_Haunting me tonight _

_With hopes last breath_

_I take this moment in_

_It will be that last_

_When morning breaks_

_And sunlight takes the pain away_

_Ever after never came_

_And I'm still waiting_

_For a love I'll never have_

_And all the dreams I've laid to rest_

_Are ghosts that keep me_

_After all that I've become_

_I am only one_

I had to stop playing because I broke down and started crying. I was tired of crying. Frustrated I threw the guitar across the room and kicked the wall. I couldn't do this anymore. I roughly wiped the tears away and took a couple deep breaths. I was done crying. I was done hurting. I decided to move on, she after all already had. There was no reason to hold on anymore.


	19. You'll Never Know

**A/N: I'm loving the reviews. You guys are the best. Thank you so much for reading. There is a little bit of Spanish dialogue in this chapter. I apologize if you don't speak Spanish. My Spanish is also a bit rusty so if you do speak Spanish and it makes no sense, I apologize! Lol. The song used in this chapter is called "Time" by Battleme. Listen to it o catch Demi's vibe.**

She looked good. And I mean really good. Gracie was crazy about her. I smiled as I watched the two year old run as fast as her little legs would carry her into Demi's arms. I watched as Demi scooped her up and hugged her tightly. Her smile was beautiful. I frowned slightly as I watched Gracie reach out for Naya. The Latina smiled and kissed her forehead as the toddler giggled. She was also very fond of Demi's girlfriend. I didn't dislike Naya, she was a wonderful person. Sometimes I just wished I was her. I missed Demi.

"Hey!" Demi said loudly as Nate and I walked toward her.

"Hey Dem." Nate said as he gave her a quick hug. "Naya." He smiled as he kissed her cheek.

"How was your flight?" Naya asked as she hugged me.

"It was good. Gracie did well." I said smiling at the Latina.

Demi passed Gracie off to Naya and wrapped me up in a tight embrace. It surprised me a bit. It had been a very long time since she had held me like this. There was a difference between a hug and being held. She was holding me. "Hi." She said smiling as she released me.

"Hi." I said blushing.

"Shall we?" Nate asked.

"After you, ugly." Demi responded.

Demi and Nate stood by the baggage claim waiting for the luggage while Naya and I loaded Gracie into Demi's truck.

"She looks really good." I said referring to Demi.

"I got her to cut back on the drinking." Naya replied. "She was pretty miserable for a bit."

I swallowed. "Yeah I noticed."

"She's gotten so big!" Naya said changing the subject.

"I know. She's amazing." I said smiling.

"Demi adores her. She's constantly talking about her."

"I'm sure if she could talk she'd contantly talk about Demi." I laughed.

Several minutes later, Demi and Nate appeared carrying the luggage. I listened to their playful banter as they loaded it into the back of the truck. I laughed when I noticed Nate trip Demi as they walked toward the front of the truck.

"You little bastard!" She laughed as she quickly caught her balance.

"It's not my fault you're clumsy." He said grinning.

"Whatever." She said as she climbed into the driver side of the truck.

"Hey baby." Nate said giving me a quick peck as he joined Gracie and I in the backseat.

"Vamos!" Naya said as Demi pulled away from the airport.

I noticed the way Demi held Nayas hand as she drive down the road. I felt a stab of jealousy when she brought her knuckles up to her lips and kissed them gently. That used to be me. Nate and I were doing ok, we had drifted a little since Gracie's birth. We weren't as affctionate as we used to be and I found myself constatbly craving being touched. He was very busy with work and I'm a full time mom. It gets lonely sometimes. More often than not, I found myself thinking about Demi. I remember her hands and how well they knew me. I remembered the way her fingertips felt as she drug them across my stomach. I remembered the way they would firmly grip my hips. I remember how gently she would touch my face. She broke my heart and I was married to her brother, yet I still wanted her. Badly.

It was hectic when we arrived at the ranch. Everyone wanted to see Gracie and Nate and I had a lot of luggage to unpack. We were staying for the entire summer. At least I was. Nate had to make several trips back to Chicago throughout our stay. It wouldn't surprise if he cuts his time here short. He was so distant lately. Once I finished getting unpacked I made my way downstairs to join the rest of the family. Shane and Demi were playing with Gracie an Nate was outside on his phone.

"Are you settled in sweetheart?" I heard Connie ask.

"Yes." I smiled. "It's so good to be back." I added.

"We've missed you around here." She said.

"I've missed it too."

"You should try and get him to take a damn break from that phone." She frowned.

"It's better if I don't." I sighed. "He's a busy guy." I added.

"Well he needs to spend time with his family."

"He will." I said softly.

I smiled as she leaned in and hugged me. "I'm glad you're here. I really am." She said before walking away.

I headed into the den to join the rest of the family. Demi was seated on the couch with her legs on Nayas lap. She was smiling and drinking a beer. Shane was laying on his back holding Gracie up in the air. They were both laughing hysterically.

"Usted debe reducir la velocidad. Que ha tenido un montón." I heard Naya say softly to Demi.

"Relájese. Sólo he tenido tres." Demi responded.

"¿Por favor? Para mí. Te quiero Demi." Naya responded.

"Ok. Te amo demasiado nena." Demi said as she placed the beer onto the end table. I had no idea what they were discussing. Naya smiled and leaned in for a kiss. They both looked incredibly happy.

"She's a trip Sel!" Shane said as he laughed.

"I think you both might be the same age." I teased.

"Nah. She's definitely older." He chuckled.

"In any case, it's almost her bedtime." I said.

"Do you mind if I help put her down?" Demi asked.

"Not at all." I said softly.

"I'll see you upstairs babe." Naya said before kissing Demi and heading upstairs.

I watched Demi walk over to Shane and get Gracie. She kneeled down and stuck her finger in his ear before grabbing the baby. She was grinning the whole time. He playfully smacked her hand away and got up off the floor.

"Your lucky you've got my little princess in your arms right now." He said with a goofy grin.

"You're the lucky one." She said sticking her tongue out at him. "Let's go punkin." She said kissing Gracie on the top of her head.

I followed her upstairs and ino my room. Nate was still outside on the phone. She took Gracie into the bathroom and played with her while I got the bath ready. I couldn't help but smile as she lowered the toddler into the warm water. She grabbed a washcloth and started to gently scrub Gracie's skin. I watched while Gracie smiled and splashed. I felt my heart swell when Demi started to sing to her. This is what I always imagined having. Instead I was married to a man that was more interested in his work. I knew I wouldn't see him until morning. I would go to bed alone and I would wake up the same way. Two years ago, I had chosen her. She chose to walk away. I remember being so worried that I would make the wrong choice. I know now that she was the right choice. She carefully lifted Gracie out if the tub and wrapped her in a towel.

"She's perfect Sel. She looks just like you. So beautiful."

"Thank you."

"I'm glad you guys are here. I wouldn't want to miss these moments."

I felt my throat constrict as I forced myself not to cry. "Me too. I'm just glad I have someone to share them with." I said my voice cracking slightly.

I could see the guilt flicker in her eyes. She wasn't stupid. She noticed Nate's indifference once we got here to the house. "I didn't mean..."

"It's not your fault." I said forcing a smile. I squeezed some baby lotion into my palm and started to rub it into Gracie's skin.

Once I finished, Demi got her dressed into pajamas and laid her in the crib. She rubbed her chest as she sang "Twinkle Little Star". I couldn't stop the tears that fell. Once Gracie fell asleep Demi turned to leave.

"I should go." She said softly as she gently brushed a tear from my cheek.

"Yeah. You're probably right." I whispered as I watched her dissappear through the bedroom door.

I didn't keep track of the time, but I sat alone I'm my bed and cried for what seemed like hours. Nate came upstairs and slipped into bed without saying a word to me. He must have thought I was asleep. Once I heard his breathing even out, I got up and checked on Gracie. She was completely knocked out. I grabbed my robe and wrapped it around my body. I made my way downstairs and brewed me a hot cup of tea. As always, the sliding glass door was open and I could hear guitar music. Demi. I walked over to the door and paused at the entrance. Her voice was haunting and beautiful.

_Take me outside now,  
Give me a bed I'm going down  
I hear I'm losing bad,  
It's better to lose than see you again  
I've got no wings to fly,  
Clipped them and caged me high  
So now your bird's not singing,  
Singing again_

_I've got this future song  
Doing away with the freaks alone  
I've got no wings to fly  
Clipped them and caged me high  
So now your bird's not singing  
Singing again_

I took a deep breath and stepped outside, the wood of the deck was cold against my bare feet. I glanced at her and sure enough, she had the guitar in her lap and a bottle of Jack Daniels at her feet. She looked tired.

"Can't sleep?" She asked.

I nodded. "I've got a lot on my mind."

"Don't we all." She sighed.

"Does Naya know about that?" I asked pointing at the bottle of whiskey.

"Nope." She sighed. "It's not really her concern anyways."

"She loves you." I said looking away.

"At least someone does."

"That's not fair Demi." I said making eye contact. "You have no right..." I said as my voice broke.

"I was wondering when this would happen."

"What?" I asked crossing my arms.

"This confrontation." She answered. "I'm choosing not to do it though." She added as she sat down her guitar. "What I do want to know however, is why whenever I look into your eyes, you look so sad Sel. I can see right through you."

"That's not your concern anymore Demi."

"Are you sure about that? What are you doing out here? You knew I'd be here. It's like clockwork Sel. Something is missing from your life and you come looking for me. Why is that?"

"Have you considered that maybe what's missing is you?" I whispered.

"We're not going down that road again. I can't and I won't." She said her voice tense.

"I'm not asking you to. You made your choice just like I made mine."

"Come sit." She said softly.

I walked over to the bench and sat next to her. She pulled a throw off the back and wrapped it around me.

"What's going on with you?" She asked staring into my eyes intently.

"I'm lonely."

"Why?"

"Because Nate doesn't take the time to even look at me anymore. He's never around."

"Have you talked to him?"

"Yes. He doesn't see it."

"I'm sorry Sel." She said wrapping her arms around me.

As soon as her arms were around me, I broke down. I buried my face in her chest and cried. I cried because I wanted her in my life. I cried because everytime I saw her with my daughter, I wished she was hers. I wanted Demi to help me raise her. I wanted Demi's arms to hold me at night. I just wanted Demi. I cried because I knew I couldn't have her. I clung to her for dear life. She held me the entire time I shook, sobbing in her arms. She didn't say anything and she didn't have to, I just needed her strength. I needed her touch. I wouldn't tell her the real reason I was falling apart in her arms. She would just think I missed Nate and was upset that we had grown apart. She would never know, that I missed her desperately. She would never know that I loved her to the point of insanity. She would never know that my heart still belonged to her.

I woke up and immediately realized I wasn't in my bed. I was still outside. I was distinctly aware of the warm body I was draped across.

"Hey." She said her voice raspy and tired. Her eyes looked bloodshot. I could tell she hadnt slept.

"Shit." I mumbled.

"You fell asleep. I didn't have the heart to wake you." She explained.

"I'm sorry. If I wasn't such a blubbering baby, I wouldn't have held you hostage all night." I said running my hands through my hair as I sat up next to her.

"It's ok." She smiled. "I would've just sat out her all night alone anyway."

"Thank you." I said softly as I blushed.

"Are you ok?" She asked me.

"Yeah. I'm fine."

"Ok."

"I'm gonna go upstairs. Nate's probably wondering where I'm at and I need to check on Gracie."

I stood up and groaned. I was stiff from sleeping on the bench. It had cushions and I used Demi as a pillow, but it wasn't exactly as comfortable as a bed. When I made it to my bedroom, I smiled at my daughter. She was awake and standing in the crib. I picked her up and gave her a kiss. I glanced at the bed and frowned at Nate's sleeping form. I wanted it to be Demi.


	20. I Know Someone Who'd Take Your Place

**A/N: It's update time! Yay! As always thank you guys for reading and reviewing. I love to read what you think about the story as well as how it makes you feel. Enjoy the update!**

The days passed slowly. Gloomy, rainy weather kept everyone trapped in the house for the most part. It had rained for three days straight. I was relieved to wake up to sunlight pouring through my curtains. I had become painfully aware of Selena's sadness due to our close proximity. She was completely unhappy and it came off her in waves. Her smile never quite reached her eyes, unless it had anything to do with Gracie. Gracie was her whole world. Nate was an entire different story. He had an unbelievable relationship with his cellphone and laptop. I was beginning to wonder if Selena wished she had a touchscreen. You could see how much his lack of attention hurt her. I felt bad because I was legitimately happy in my relationship. I loved Naya. She was a great girl. I felt slightly awkward around Selena. I still felt an undeniable pull, but the longing wasnt there anymore. Time had eased my pain and I had moved on.

I lifted my arms above my head and grunted. It felt good to stretch. I felt the warm body nestled against me start to stir, her bare skin brushing up against mine. I smiled at the instant goosebumps she gave me. I pushed the sheet down and exposed her back. I placed soft kisses on her bare skin and smiled when I heard her content sigh.

"Mornin' baby." She mumbled.

"How'd you sleep?" I asked.

"Perfect."

"Good. I'm going to take a shower. Shane and I are gonna have to go check on the cattle and look for any weather damage around the property." I said as drug my fingers down her back.

"Mmm Hmmm." She said yawning. "I've got to start packing anyway. I have to be back on set tomorrow."

"I'll help you when I get back." I smiled. "Assuming you're not already finished."

"Ok." She said as I kissed her softly.

I turned on the hot water and stepped under the shower head. The past few days had been interesting. I noticed the strain between Nate and Selena. They were trying to put on a show in front of everyone. I could see right through it. After I got dressed I made my way downstairs. I saw her sitting with Gracie. She looked content but as soon as we made eye contact, I knew better. She was hurting and it was pissing me off. I wanted to slap the shit out of Nate. It still hurt me to see her so lonely. She needed to feel loved. I looked around the kitchen and spotted Nate on his phone. I grabbed a glass of water and decided to talk to him.

"Hey Nate." I said trying to get his attention. He nodded and held up a finger as he continued talking in the phone. "No. Now." I said grabbing his cell phone and dropping it into my glass of water.

"What the fuck Dem!" He said raising his voice.

"Let's talk." I said walking outside.

"You can't just take my phone Demi. I was working. What you did was bullshit!"

"You're ignoring her Nate and its breaking her heart. You have a daughter that you barely spend time with."

"What makes you an expert on matters of her heart Demi?" He said rolling his eyes. "She's fine. She would tell me if there's a problem."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean Nate?"

"What?" He asked waving his arms.

"What you said about me being an expert on matters of her heart."

"You tell me Demi. I've seen the way you fucking look at her. Is there something you want to say to me? You seem awfully concerned."

"Because you are my brother, I will forgive you for that. Once." I yelled at him. "If you ever speak to me like that again, we are not family." I said as tears stung my eyes. The guilt was almost suffocating.

"I'm sorry." He sighed. "I didn't mean that."

"You better open your fucking eyes Nate. I promise you there's somebody, somewhere that would kill to have what you have with her. They would take your place in a heartbeat!" I said angrily. I swallowed as I tried to keep my emotions in check.

"It's none of your business Demi." He snapped back.

"You're hurting her and she doesn't deserve it. You keep this up, you're going to lose her. I promise you." I said as I walked away.

I was livid and slightly alarmed. He was a damn fool. I wasn't expecting him to say what he said about the way I looked at Selena. I felt a little bit exposed and I was beginning to worry that he knew something. It made no sense that he would wait until over two years later to say something though. I closed my eyes and tried to calm my breathing. My hands were shaking. I walked into the barn and nearly had a heart attack.

"Hey!" A voice called out.

"Jesus fucking Christ!" I said jumping slightly.

"Damn Dem. Jumpy?" I heard Benji ask. "You look you've been caught robbing a bank or something."

"Sorry. I'm just a little distracted." I said. My heart felt like it was going to explode in my chest it was beating so fast.

"Shane isn't feeling well. He asked me to ride with you today. He's going to take care of the building maintenance and horses today."

"Ok. Lets get ready then." I said slightly out of breath.

"You look like you're carrying a great burden." He said as he grabbed his saddle.

"It's the story of my life dude. I got in an argument with Nate."

He nodded his understanding. "He's lost his way." He said casually. "He'll get a wake up call eventually."

"Yeah, but in the meantime his family gets to suffer. She doesn't deserve it Benji."

"You care about her?"

"Yes. She's family."

"He's blood." He said glancing at me.

"Doesn't mean shit. He's wrong. You're my brother. We don't have the same blood. I'd treat you the same."

"True."

Once the horses were saddled, we rode off toward the southern pastures. I had an uneasy feeling the entire time we were out. I couldn't shake what Nate had said to me. Did he know something? Did someone tell him? I hardly recognized him anymore. My heart legitimately hurt for Selena. It pained me to see her hurting. I might have moved on, but I didn't erase what she meant to me. What she still means to me. Our love was never meant to be. I had accepted that. I wanted her to be happy, that's why I let her go. The fact that she's so miserable has me questioning the night I walked away. I was so conflicted. I had Naya now and I loved her. She put me back together and gave me hope. She made me believe in happiness again. I spent so much time staring into the bottom of a bottle after I ended things with Selena, that I had forgotten what the world looked like through clear eyes. She gave me that again. A clear view. Selena always confused me. She still does. Part of me wants to hold her close and the other part wants to push her away.

"A penny for your thoughts?" Benji asked.

"I don't even know where to start." I sighed as we rode toward the main road.

"The beginning is usually best." He smiled.

I laughed. "True. In any case I'm not sure I should speak any of what's going on in my head out loud."

"Try me. I know more than you think." He stated cryptically.

"Do you think it's possible to love two people at the same time?" I asked him.

"Yes. You can love endlessly. What kind of love are you asking about though? There's a difference." He answered.

"Being in love."

"No."

"Really?" I said raising an eyebrow.

"You're not in love with two people. You're in love with one and you care deeply about the other. It's not my job to tell you which is which. You already know that. You've been avoiding it for quite some time now." He stated making eye contact.

"Benji, who are you talking about?" I asked slowly.

"You and I both know who I am referring to. I'm not going to say it." He said looking toward the horizon. "Another storm is coming." He said softly.

I glanced over at the dark clouds as they rolled toward us. Slow and steady. I could hear the thunder cracking in the distance. I felt the cold creep up my spine at the reality of Benji's words.

"How do you know?"

"Because every night when you think you're alone, I can hear you singing to the moon. You and I both know what the moon represents to you."

Before I could answer, we both heard panicked screaming coming from up the road toward the bridge. We immediately spurred our horses an took of at a gallop toward the sounds of distress. I immediately noticed the skid marks and the mangled railing as we neared the bridge. I jumped off my horse and ran to the edge. I could see the car smashed in between to large rocks. The swift current was pushing against it. I heard a woman screaming for help.

"It's filling with water!" I shouted at Benji as I quickly climbed down the bank.

"Shit! Demi!" He yelled as he followed.

As soon as I got to the waters edge, I knew this was going to be difficult. I couldn't see the bottom because the water was muddy due to the recent rainfall. I had no way of knowing where I would be stepping or how deep it was. Judging by the sinking car, it was deep. My heart nearly stopped when I noticed two small children in the car.

"Please help!" The woman screamed at me.

"Benji! Go to the house and call 911! Get Shane!" I yelled at him. He nodded and quickly climbed back up the embankment.

"Hold on! I'm coming!" I yelled over the rushing water.

As soon as I stepped into the water, I felt the current slam into me. Once I made it to the car, I grabbed a hold of the driver side door. The water was at my chest. As soon as the woman in the car saw me, she handed me one of her kids. It was a little girl. She couldn't have been more than five. She was scared and crying.

"Listen to me." I said to the frightened child. "I need you to hold onto my neck tight and no matter what, don't let go." I said as I placed her on my back. She immediately wrapped her legs around my waist and held on for dear life.

"Give me the other one!" I instructed the woman.

She handed me the young boy. He couldn't have been any more than two. I held him tightly and made my way back to the shore. I moved slowly, my balance being thrown off by the strong current and extra weight I was carrying. I felt myself slip and I almost let go of the baby as I felt myself slip under the water. I pushed myself to the surface and drifted a short ways down the river. I could hear the young girl coughing and crying as she held tightly to my body. As soon as I made it to the shore, I ran carrying both children back up the river toward the vehicle.

"Come on!" I shouted at the woman. "You can make it!"

"I-I can't swim!" She yelled back, her voice dripping with fear.

"Shit! Ok. I'm going to come get you."

"Demi!" I heard Shane yell as he ran down the hill.

"Take the kids." I instructed him as I handed him the small boy. "Sweetheart, you can let go now." I instructed the young girl.

"Shit! Dem! The car!" Benji yelled as he dove into the water.

I dove in after him. I opened my eyes and couldn't see anything. I felt around and grabbed for the cold steel as soon as I felt it on my fingertips. I reached around until I felt another person, it was Benji. I could tell he was struggling with the panicked woman. I grabbed one of her arms and helped him pull her up to the surface. We were being swept away in the current. I cried out as my ribcage struck a large rock. I reached out for Benji, but he kept slipping through my fingertips. He still had the woman with him. We eventually hit a shallow enough area and we were able to stand and walk away from the water. My entire body hurt. The river carried us almost a mile away from where we originally started. Shane and the ambulance had followed.

I was completely exhausted. My entire body hurt. I collapsed onto the river bank and laid there wheezing. It literally hurt to breathe. I could hear the woman we rescued crying and thanking Benji. She tried to talk to me, but my mind was elsewhere. I couldn't breathe. Something was very wrong. My vision started to blur and then there was nothing. Just cold and Empty blackness.

I woke to sterile white walls and annoying beeping sounds. I was at the hospital. My body still hurt and I had tubes in my nose. I was surprised to see her sitting there.

"You broke some ribs and punctured a lung." She said when she noticed I was awake. "I'll go get Naya. She went to grab something to drink."

"No. Stay." I croaked.

"You could've died." She said softly.

"Is everyone..."

"Yes. Everyone else is ok. Benji just has a few bumps and scratches." She answered.

"Have you been crying?" I asked my voice scratchy.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I can't lose you." She whispered.

"You won't." I said taking her hand in my mine. "You'll never lose me."


	21. She Put That Bottle To Her Head

**A/N: The last chapter was kinda bleh. I didn't care for it much. It was mostly just filler. Anyway, this chapter is one of my favorites. I apologize in advance. I was in a terrible mood when I wrote this. It's going to be rough. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I enjoy reading y'all's reviews. Shit is getting crazy again.**

Once the summer had ended, Nate and I returned home only to be summoned back to the ranch a few short weeks later. Steve, Nate's father, had a heart attack. He passed away unexpectedly. Since the day of the incident down at the river, he had made the effort to be a more present father and husband. He apologized for leaving me alone so much and promised to be there more. So far he had kept that promise.

I held his hand as we approached the house. I could tell the tears were threatening to spill over again. It was going to very a tough week for the entire family. As soon as he stepped out of the car, Shane hugged him. They held onto each other for a few moments before letting go. Shane's eyes were bloodshot and puffy. You could tell he had been crying. Taylor was next followed by his mother. I didn't want to intrude so I gave them privacy.

"Where's Demi?" I asked. I was surprised she wasn't here to see Nate.

"Over there." Shane said pointing toward the house.

"She's not taking it too well." Taylor added.

"Drinking?" I asked.

"No." Shane said shaking his head. "She hasn't even cried yet. It's like she doesn't accept that it's happened. She won't talk about it."

"She's also been drinking. Heavily. It's bad Sel." Taylor said, the worry evident in her eyes.

"Where's Naya?" I asked.

"She can't be here. She's filming right now." Taylor answered. "They've been fighting a bit the past couple weeks anyway. I think they might be on a break." She added.

"How is he?" Shane asked referring to Nate.

"He's ok. He's sad and I think he's still a bit shocked." I answered.

I watched as Shane walked away toward Nate and his mother. The three of them embraced and I could tell they were crying. I swallowed the lump in my throat and looked away.

"She needs you Sel." Taylor said as she glanced over at Demi.

I watched as she took a drag from a cigarette. "Is she smoking?" I asked slightly shocked.

"Yeah..." Taylor trailed off.

I continued to watch Demi as she paced around on the porch. She flicked the cigarette butt out into the yard and blew out one last cloud of smoke. She looked over in my direction and stared for a few moments before disappearing into the house.

"It's not my place Taylor. I have to keep my distance. You know that."

"She still loves you Selena."

"I doubt it Tay." I sighed. "Drop it."

"Let's go inside." Taylor said as Nate, Shane and his mother headed toward the house.

"Where's Gracie?" Shane asked.

"She's with my parents." I answered.

He nodded. "I miss her."

"You should come visit."

"I will."

The rest of the afternoon was spent sorting through some of Steve's things. Connie wanted each of them to take some things to remember him by. Demi refused to have anything to do with it. I could tell she was drunk. It wasn't even three in the afternoon and she could hardly walk.

"Nate. I'm going to check on Demi. I don't think she's doing so good."

"Ok." He said giving me a kiss. "Thank you for everything Sel."

"I love you." I said softly.

"I love you too."

I left the rest of the family in the den and looked around the house for Demi. I couldn't find her. I decided to check outside and there was still no sign of her. I walked toward the back yard and I could hear a steady thumping sound. As I turned the corner, I saw her lifting an axe high above her head and swinging it downward. I watched as the log split in half. She quickly picked up another log and repeated the process. She didn't even notice I was watching. I could see the bottle of whiskey laying on the ground close to her feet. She looked agitated.

"What do you want?" She snapped as she blew a piece of hair out of her face.

"I wanted to make sure you were ok Dem." I said softly as I stepped closer.

"I'm fine. You can go now." She stated flatly as she slammed the axe into another log.

"Demi. Don't do this."

"Do what Sel?" She sighed as she let the axe blade rest on the ground.

"Push people away."

"It's a bit late for that. What does it even matter to you anyway?" She asked, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"It matters."

"Since when?" She snarled, letting the axe fall to the ground.

"It's always mattered Demi. You have always mattered." I said loudly, my voice cracking.

"Go to your husband. Stop fucking doing this to me. I don't need this shit Selena!" She yelled.

"You just lost you father Demi. Go be with your family." I watched as she grabbed the bottle of whiskey and unscrewed the lid. "Don't." I whispered as she brought it up to her lips. She looked me right in the eye and drank the remainder of the bottle. She wanted to hurt me.

"I've made my choice. Stop telling me what to do." She said, her voice low and flat.

"You need help." I said as I stepped closer to her.

"Don't." she said holding up her hand. "Do not fucking come closer to me." She warned.

"Or what? What are you gonna do Demi? Hit me? Do it. Show me how tough you are." I took another step toward her.

"Selena..I swear to god..." I didn't let her finish. I grabbed her and crushed her into me. She resisted at first, but I held onto her tightly. The moment the tears fell, I felt her relax in my arms. I had never seen her cry like this. She sounded like she was physically in pain. Her sobs shook her entire body. After a few minutes, I felt her pull away from me.

"Go." She whispered.

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Fine. I'm not going to fucking argue with you. Don't touch me again. I'll snap your fucking fingers off." She snapped.

To say I was shocked was an understatement. She picked up the axe and resumed splitting logs. She looked completely unstable. Her eyes were wild and desperate. I stood there and just watched. I refused to leave her alone. She was scaring me right now. Like clockwork, the sky let loose with a cold rain. It was fall now, so it chilled me to the bone. She continued to take her anger out on the firewood. I watched as her puffs of warm breath turned into a mist in front of her face. I stood there shivering, not having any idea what I should do. Nate and Shane found us a short time later. Nate wrapped his jacket around me and led me toward the house. I glanced back at Demi and I could tell that she was fighting with Shane.

"What happened?" Nate asked as he gave me a towel.

"She's gone..." I mumbled.

"Sel, are you ok?" he asked me.

"No." I whispered before I let the tears fall. He quickly wrapped his arms around me.

"What do you mean she's gone?" He asked once I had calmed down a bit.

"She's just not in there anymore. That person looks like Demi, but it's not her."

"I'm gonna talk to mom. She needs help. She needs to go back to rehab." He responded.

"She's going to kill herself Nate. I can see it in her eyes." I said my voice hoarse from crying. "She's going to drink herself to death."

Before he could respond, we heard a loud commotion downstairs. Nate quickly got up and left the room, I followed behind him. We went downstairs and sure enough, it was Demi. She had shoved everything off the kitchen counter and she was screaming at Shane.

"Fuck you!"

"That's real nice Demi! Please destroy moms fucking house. She will be so happy. Grow the fuck up!" He screamed back at her.

I watched in horror as she shoved him. "You're nothing but a little bitch!" She snarled.

"Demi!" Her mother shouted. "Enough!"

She didn't listen. Instead she proceeded to start punching all the glass out of the kitchen cabinets. Shane and Nate both tried to restrain her but she fought them. She was bleeding all over the place. After several moments and a lot of screaming, Shane finally managed to wrap her up in a bear hug. He laid there on the glass covered wood floor, and held onto her while she screamed and cried.

"It's ok Dem. Shhhh. It's okay baby sis. I've got you." He whispered into her ear. "Shhh. I know. I know. It hurts." He said panting as he tried to catch his breath.

Nate was kneeled down next to them. I covered my mouth with my hand to hold back the sobs that threatened to escape. Her face was covered in tears and twisted in agony. I watched as Connie sat on the ground and pulled her into her lap. Demi's arms immediately went around the older woman's neck.

"I'm sorry mom. I'm so sorry." She cried into her mothers chest.

"I know baby. It's ok. I've got you." She whispered into Demi's ear as she stroked her hair.

"Can you give us a minute?" Nate asked me softly.

I simply nodded and walked outside onto the porch. Taylor was sitting on the bench. She looked at me with a sad expression. She knew. She knew that I was close to breaking. She knew that my heart couldn't take much more of this. I felt numb. I wanted to help Demi. I wanted to take all of her pain away. She looked so broken and lost. I couldn't though. I couldn't even touch her the way I wanted to. Not with Nate around. She needed me and I wasn't going to be there for her.

"Sit with me." Taylor said softly "It's going to be a while."

"Her eyes were empty Tay. There was nothing there."

"I know. I've been living with her for a while now. She comes and goes."

"It's the drinking. It's my fault. I did this to her. I made her so weak, she's not going to get through this."

"It's not your fault. She doesn't know how to cope Sel. She just lost her father. She's been hanging on the edge for a while now. It was only a matter of time before she fell."

"I don't think she wants to live anymore." I said as the tears left a trail down my cheeks.

"If she didn't want to live, she wouldn't still be here. Trust me." Taylor said as she wrapped her arm around my shoulder.

"I hope you're right." I whispered as I buried my face in my hands.

The rain fell and the minutes continued to tick away. I watched as Benji entered the house carrying a first aid bag. I assumed Demi needed to be looked at. I was anxious to know what was happening inside the house. I wanted to see her. I needed to know if she was ok. I have loved her since the day I met her. I might not have realized it then, but I know it now. She's always going to have my heart. I wish I could take care of hers.

"I have to tell her Tay. I have to tell her how much I love her. I need her to know how much I need her. She has to come back to me. I cant do this shit anymore!" I said my voice cracking and frustrated.

"When was the last time you guys were even intimate?" She asked.

"Over two years ago. Two fucking years. I haven't felt her touch me, I haven't tasted her kiss in over two years. It hurts. I just can't..." I whispered before I broke down crying even harder.

"Y'all got issues." I heard Taylor sigh as she rubbed my back.

"Hey guys." I heard Nate say softly. "Sel?" He questioned.

"Hey." I said sniffling. "Sorry. Is been a rough day." I added as I wiped away the tears.

"Yeah it has." He sighed as he sat next to us.

"How is she?" Taylor asked.

"She's sedated right now. Benji had to stitch up some cuts she had on her forarms and hands. She's upstairs in bed right now. Shane's pouring out all the alcohol in the house. I don't really know beyond that." He sighed.

"How can I help?" I asked.

"I don't know babe. She needs to check in to rehab but she's not going to. I can tell you that right now." He said as he let his head drop back against the back of the bench. "She's stubborn. She won't listen to any of us. Dad always managed to break her will. He's gone now."

As soon as Nate said that, I remembered a conversation that I had with Steve a couple years back. It was when I was watching Demi break the horse. The entire act of breaking it revolved around earning trust. She was just like that horse. Strong willed and restless. She needed to be tamed. She needed to feel safe. She needed me.

"I know what to do Nate." I said softly. "Steve told me once a long time ago. I thought he was talking about horses but the more I think about it, I'm positive he was talking about Demi." I said as I stood up and walked toward the house.

"Sel, I have no idea what you are talking about. I hope you're right though." He said. "Be careful. She's unpredictable." He warned as I walked inside.

I walked through the kitchen and gasped at the mess all over the floor. She had destroyed everything. I gave Benji a half hearted smile as he swept up the glass and broken household items. Shane was sitting with his mom on the couch. He was holding her hand and they were both speaking quietly. I slid my hand up the smooth wood of the banister as I made my way upstairs. The closer I got to her, the heavier the air felt. This wasn't going to be easy.

The door creaked as I pushed it open. It was dark with the exception of a single candle flickering on her nightstand. She looked small and fragile. Her arms were both bandaged up and she looked pale. She had dark circles underneath her eyes and she looked like she had lost a lot of weight. I didn't even notice how terrible she looked earlier. I felt stupid. I closed the door as I approached her bed. I sat down and took her hand.

"Hey." I whispered not sure if she could hear me or not. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. Not until you get better." I told her as I watched the steady and even rise and fall of her chest.

"I don't care how hard you push. I won't break or bend. I need you in my life Demi. I need you to come back." I said as I pressed my lips to her bandaged hand.

"Why?" I heard her whisper, her voice raspy and tired.

"Dem?" I said surprised.

"Why?" She repeated.

"Because I care about you Demi." I answered.

"That's not good enough." She said as she removed her hand from mine and rolled away from me.

I knew what she wanted from me. She wanted me to say three little words that would change everything. Once I said them, I couldn't take them back. I knew with an absolute certainty that I was in love with her. This however, was not the appropriate time.

"You can push me away all you want Demi. I'm not going anywhere." I said to her back. "I'm a lot stronger than you think."

"I can hurt you in ways you can't even imagine." She said slowly.

"Demi, you're scaring me."

"Why can't you just say it?" She asked.

"Because I don't know who you are right now Demi. You are no the person that I fell..." I stopped before I said it. She was manipulating me and I knew it. "Hurt me Demi. You're the one who has to live with it."

"For now." She grumbled.

Those two words literally made my heart stop.


	22. Staring Down The Barrel Of A 45

**A/N: This a rough one. I apologize. I'm glad you are enjoying the story. Yes I heard about Sel checking into rehab. I hopefully she's well. Keep reviewing and as always thank you. Follow me on twitter AViolentEmotion. I promise I'm not annoying. :)**

It was strange to me as I held it in my shaking hands. I wasn't afraid, I had just never been so aware of it's weight and texture. The black polymer grip felt cold against the skin on my palms. It was two pounds of absolute and certain finality. I looked down the barrel, there wasn't a light at the end of this tunnel. It was dark. It promised peace. It promised quiet. I picked up the magazine. I only needed one round. I figured a hollow point would do the trick. I slide the magazine into its seat and let out a breath as I heard it click into place. The sound was almost deafening. If we're being completely honest, I felt relieved. The sound continued to ring in my ears, a lullaby of sorts.

I sit the .45 caliber pistol down on the desk and I pick up a pen. This is what it's come to for me. I cannot find an ounce of strength inside my shattered heart to continue this empty journey. Life was never meant to be an arduous task. At least I didn't think so. I press the ball of the pen onto the crisp white paper. I know that I was about to leave in the most dishonest way possible. This note will be all that I leave behind. I watch as my hands start to write. The words don't matter. They're simply a series of letters and spaces accented by punctuation. They mean nothing. Maybe they will bring her comfort, maybe they won't. In a little while, it's simply not going to matter to me anymore. I won't have to endure the consequences of this choice that I have made. She will though, and so will they.

She refused to leave my side. It didn't matter what I said to her, and believe me I said some horrible things, she continued to stay. I tried to push her away, she just refused. I wanted to hurt her. I wanted to make her hate me. Once we had buried my father, I was able to escape her close supervision. Nate needed her and just like the good wife, she was there for him. What if I needed her? What if she could stop me from doing what I'm about to do? What then? Would I stop hurting? I doubt it. This was the only logical choice. I had no fight left in me.

I was close to my dad, without him I have no one to guide me. He understood me when no one else did. He's the reason I'm still here. It's almost ironic he's the reason I won't be. He accepted me the way I was and never made me feel bad about myself. It was hard for me when I was younger. I lost myself in the industry. He pulled me back and reminded me who I was. He didn't ask me to be perfect, he just asked me to try. He knew I'd fail sometimes and he was ok with that. He always believed in me. Even when I was broken. He walked me into rehab when I was eighteen and he walked me out four months later. He bought every record I ever made and when I told him I wanted to quit, he made sure that I knew it was ok. It was ok to walk away. It was ok to disappoint the millions of people that loved me. I had to do what was best for me. He would be proud no matter what. I lost all of that when we buried him today. My children will never know him and he will never know them. There was no point to any of it anymore.

I got up and picked up my backpack. I placed the pistol and several towels inside and zipped it up. The towels were intended to allievite the mess. I didn't want to leave any stains. I wasn't going to do it in the house either. I couldn't do that to my mother. I slung the backpack over my shoulder and exited my room. I slowly walked down the stairs. I didn't want to draw any attention to myself. Unfortunately, I wasn't so lucky. Selena spotted me. As soon as her eyes narrowed, I knew she was wondering about the backpack. I was an alcoholic. She assumed I was sneaking booze somewhere. I quickly exited the house and sure enough, I heard her stomping after me.

"Demi!" She said loudly.

"Selena, for the love of god! Leave me alone!" I said angrily.

"What's in the bag?"

"Not your business." I stated as I walked toward the shop.

"The hell it isn't." She snapped. "I'm not going to let you drink yourself to death Demi. I don't care if you end up hating me."

I let out a humorless laugh. "You think you've got it all figured out. You don't know shit." I spat back.

"Give me the bag." She said as she grabbed it and tugged me to a stop.

"Hands off!" I snapped pulling it away from her.

"If you've got nothing to hide, you shouldn't care if I look in it. What is it? Whiskey?" She asked crossing her arms across her chest.

"No." I sighed. "I don't have anything." I said slowly, enunciating each word.

"Humor me then." She smirked.

"Why can't you just trust me?" I asked sarcastically.

I could tell that comment bothered her. "You're not the person that I used to know Demi. I can't trust you if I don't know you." She said softly.

"I'm not giving you the bag. Go away. Run back to your perfect husband and your perfect life." I said pointing at the house.

"My life isn't perfect." She said her voice cracking. "It's far from it. It's a fucking mess!"

"Well congratulations. We have something in common." I said rolling my eyes as I turned around and continued walking.

"Fine. Walk away. I'm used to it Demi!" She yelled at my back. "Why should I expect any different from you!" I could hear the strain as she held back tears. "Every single time you do this, every time you place that bottle to your lips, it kills me Demi. It hurts me, every time. Every time you hurt yourself, you're hurting me."

Something in her voice made me stop. I could hear the raw pain. I turned and faced her. She was crying. Without thinking, I walked toward her. I tried to stop but I couldn't. Gravity was pushing me closer to her. I knew that one touch of her fingertips would break my resolve. I stood in front of her without uttering a single word. Her eyes found mine. She was searching for answers that I couldn't give her. Slowly she brought her hand up and she pulled the backpack off my shoulder. My mind screamed at me to stop her, but for whatever reason my body refused to cooperate. My mouth was dry and my heart was racing. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. She opened the bag. At first, she looked confused. The second she realized what I was going to do, she let the bag fall to the ground and she slapped me.

"You have no right!" She croaked as she covered her mouth with her hand. "Oh my god..." She whispered.

I just stood there. I couldn't speak. I'm not sure what I could've said anyway.

"No...Demi...no." She cried.

My face still stung. I barely noticed. "I'm sorry..." I said reflexively.

"Do you have any idea what that would of done to me?" She whispered as she took my face into both of her hands.

I felt dazed. "I...I...don't..."

"Look at me." She interrupted. I did as she asked. "No. Just no. Don't you ever...ever, do that again!" She said with as much strength as she could muster.

I simply nodded.

She pulled me into her arms and stood there holding me. She cried the entire time. I couldn't even move. I just stood there with my arms hanging limp by my sides.

"I don't know what I'm doing." I said as tears of my own started to fall. "Help me." I whispered.

My legs gave out and I lowered myself to the ground. Selena followed.

"I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere." She said softly as she pressed our foreheads together.

I broke our contact and slowly pushed myself up off the ground. Without a word I picked up the backpack and removed the firearm. The fear that registered on Selena's face shook me to the core. I pulled the slide back and ejected the single round from the chamber. We both watched as it fell to the ground at our feet. I kneeled down and picked up the hollow point. I took one of Selena's shaking hands in mine, and placed the brass and lead projectile in her palm. I closed her fingers around it then pressed my lips to her knuckles. I dropped the pistol and walked away. I didn't look back and she didn't try to follow me.

I spent the rest of the day sitting up against the oak tree in the front yard. I watched as Selena stepped out onto the deck. She glanced my direction and quickly looked away when she saw me staring. I watched as Nate came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. She leaned into him and he nuzzled his face into her neck. She laughed and turned in his arms. He kissed her softly and they both went back into the house. I felt sick.

"Secrets and jealousy destroy everything that's within thier grasp." I heard Benji say as he sat down next to me.

"Everyone has secrets Benj." I replied.

"You're going to be crushed under the weight of yours."

"Is speaking in riddles a new thing of yours or something?" I sighed.

"No. It's not new. It's not up to me to speak your truths. You need to quiet the beast inside of you Demi. You've spent to long letting it control you." He said as he looked toward the house.

"I don't know how."

"You blame her for so many things that you share the blame for." He said glancing my direction.

"You have no idea what you're talking about." I mumbled.

"Your face and your words may tell me that, but your eyes hold the truth." He said softly. "Come with me to the reservation. We will get you sorted out."

"I'll think about it."

"Fair enough." He replied as he stood up and walked away.

I felt panicked as he walked away. "Benji! Wait!" I said jumping to my feet. "I'll go. I can't do this anymore. It needs to stop."

"I was wondering when you'd come back." He smiled. "We leave in an hour."

I nodded and jogged toward the house. There was something I needed to do before I left. It was important. I saw him sitting on the deck strumming a guitar. He smiled as he saw me approaching. I mentally braced myself for the conversation I was about to have with him. I walked up and sat next to him. Our shoulders were touching.

"Hey Dem." He smiled.

"Nate, I need to tell you something."


	23. Walk A Little Straighter

**A/N: Sorry this took longer than usual. I struggled a bit with this chapter. It's not the most eventful, but it demonstrates a shift in some of the characters. Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing. I love to read what you guys think. **

I felt numb. She ripped my heart out and left a huge gaping hole. I couldn't shake the mental image of her laying on the ground with a hole blown through her head. Every time I blinked, every time I took a breath, it's all I could see. She was coming apart at the seams and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. I could see her sitting on the porch talking with Nate. For whatever reason this gave me a sinking feeling. She wasn't in the best frame of mind right now. There was no telling what she was talking to him about. Instead of worrying about what I had no control over, I tried to calm my nerves. I was still holding onto the bullet that she handed me outside. It was pressed firmly into my palm. I didn't want to look at it. I walked upstairs and placed in the dresser door. I locked it away in the dark with the rest of the undesirable memories I didn't want to talk about.

When I went back downstairs I noticed that Nate was no longer sitting with Demi on the porch. I looked around for him and found him sitting outside at his fathers gravesite.

"Everything ok?" I asked him carefully.

"Demi just told me something that I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around." He said gruffly.

I swallowed. "What did she say?" I asked.

"She was going to kill herself. You stopped her. She also told me that she had kissed you a while back and told you that she had fallen in love with you." He said slowly. "Why didn't you tell me any of this?"

"She said what?" I asked my voice higher than usual. "What else did she say?"

"Just that it was her fault and that you didn't feel the same. She said that its been tearing her up and she wanted to come clean with me."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Is that what she said?" I scoffed.

"Yes. Why didn't you tell me?" He asked again.

"Because I didn't know how. I didn't want to put her in an awkward position and I didn't want you to be angry"

I honestly had no idea what else to say. She told him a very weird version of the truth and quite honestly I wasn't ready to tell more lies to keep it that way. She did this on purpose.

"I'm not mad Sel, I just had no idea. She wanted to kill herself for fucks sake." He said sighing. "That's not ok."

"I'm sorry Nate." I whispered as the guilt set in. "She's very hard to deal with sometimes. I didn't know what to do." I was getting way too good at lying to him. It broke my heart.

"I've got to talk to mom." He said as he got up and walked back to the house.

As soon as he left, I went to find Demi. She had no right to put me in this position. I was furious. Half truths and lies were the benchmark of our relationship. It had to stop. I stormed around the house and couldn't find her. I walked outside and searched the shop, still no sign of her. By the time I found her in the barn, I was livid.

"Demi!" I snapped. "What the fuck?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." She responded. "Power down and use complete sentences." She responded as she continued placing things into a large duffel bag. She didn't even bother looking at me.

"Why? Why did you say that shit to Nate?"

"Because I wanted too. He deserves to know the truth, even if it is half ass." She responded, still not looking at me.

"Look at me!" I snapped. She stopped what she was doing and have me her attention. "Do you have any idea what you've done? It's still a fucking lie!"

"No shit Selena!" She snapped back as she stopped what she was doing. "It's ironic. Our whole fucking relationship is a lie! This was the only way for me to come clean with him. I'm in love with you! The fucking details don't matter! Now he knows and hopefully I can move on."

"You certainly were ready to move on earlier today Demi. What the fuck was that all about?" I yelled at her.

"Guilt. Grief. Who knows. It's just how I felt. It's passed and I suggest you just forget about it." She said shrugging her shoulders as if it wasn't a big deal.

"Forget about it!? Are you insane!? Do you have any idea what you've done to me?"

"Why should I care Selena? Why? Tell me. I want you to say it." She challenged.

"No." I whispered.

"Why Selena? Why is so hard for you?"

"Why does it even matter anymore Demi. It's done. It's over."

"It matters because I need to know why I betrayed my brother. I need to understand why I went against my morals. If it wasn't love, then why the fuck was it? I need that. I need to know so I can heal." She said angrily.

"No. It wasn't love Demi. Are you happy now? Is that what you fucking wanted?" I lied, my voice cracking. "It was a mistake."

"Really?" She laughed as she threw her arms up in exasperation. "I guess you really are a whore then." She said as her eyes bore into mine.

I slapped her. Hard. She didn't even flinch. Her nostrils flared as she continued to stare me down.

"Don't you ever speak to me that way again." I said my voice low and shaky.

"Or what?" She asked stepping into my personal space.

"Youre an asshole Demi. You're unstable and selfish. Whatever we had is done."

"Good." She answered as she slung the duffel bag over her shoulder and walked away. "I'm missing you already."

Two days later, I was on a plane back to Chicago. Nate stayed at the ranch to help his mother adjust. I needed to get away from it. I needed to get away from her. I wasn't even heartbroken at the moment. I was pissed. She had no right to do any of the things she did. She was spiteful and unreasonable.

Nate came home a couple weeks later and we fell into the same routine as usual. I took care of Gracie and he barely acknowledged our existence. It had become tiring. I wanted my husband to actually look at me an let me know he knew I existed. Instead he was always working. Some nights he didn't even come home. I started to wonder if there was something else going on. I stared at the clock. It was after midnight. I had tried calling him several times and it went straight to voicemail. As the minutes ticked by, I started to become angrier and angrier. I refused to leave my spot on the couch until he got home.

I heard his car pull into the driveway at 2:15 am. I was furious. I wasted no time making that clear to him. I stood up as soon as I heard the door open.

"Where the fuck have you been Nate?" I asked angrily.

He scrunched his eyebrows and frowned. "I was working Selena. You know that." He said tersely.

"Yeah. I know Nate. It's always work. Work work work work work!" I yelled.

"Selena, you need to calm down! You're going to wake Gracie."

"Like you care! It would be the first time you've seen her in two days!" I spat back.

"What is your problem!?" He yelled back. "I have to provide for this family!"

"Not at the expense of our happiness Nate! What about that? What about us? There is no fucking us anymore!"

"Jesus Christ Selena!" He sighed. "I don't have time for this shit right now." He said as he ran his fingers through his hair.

"You never do!" I yelled in his face.

"I work so we can have this house. I work so we can have everything that's in this damn house! I work so you don't have to!" He yelled back. "It's not like you work for a living!" He added.

"Fuck you Nate! I don't give a shit about this ridiculous house and all your expensive cars! It's all just bullshit! I don't need this shit from you!" I yelled as the tears started to fall. "Do you have any idea how it feels to have a husband that barely touches you? Do you have any idea how it feels to constantly be alone?"

He sighed. "Sel...I..."

"I can't do this anymore Nate. Not like this." I said as I wiped away my tears. "It has to change. I'll leave if it doesn't."

"I don't want you to go." He said softly. "I love you so much."

"I love you too Nate, but I didn't sign up for this." I said as I choked back more tears.

He slowly wrapped his arms around me and I leaned into his chest. "I'll do whatever it takes Sel." He mumbled.

We spent the rest of the early morning working through our problems. He promised me he was going to change. I know he was sincere so I trusted that he would do the things he said he would do. He promised to spend time with me and Gracie. No more work when he was home and no more staying late every single night.

The months passed by quickly and I had never been happier. Gracie was turning three next week and Nate had kept his promise to me. My life was perfect. We decided that we would take Gracie to the ranch for her birthday. Connie was thrilled when we told her. She was still getting used to life without Steve. I still hadn't heard a word from Demi and quite honestly, I didn't care. She made my life a mess and I was glad that I was no longer tangled up in her madness.

It was late when we arrived at the ranch house. Everyone was asleep with the exception of one person, Demi. She was outside on the porch playing her guitar. I was surprised to see her. She had been gone for a while and no one really knew for sure where she went or what she was doing. Benji knew, but he never answered anyones questions. I was still mad at her.

She didn't bother to get up and offer help, she just glanced our direction and went back to playing the guitar. Typical. She's only worried about herself. I watched as Nate lifted Gracie's sleeping form out of the carseat. She was completely passed out. He carried her into the house and placed her on the couch so he could help with our luggage. Surprisingly, Demi finally decided to get up off her ass and help. I was thrilled. She helped Nate with Gracie's things and the both of them got her situated. I could hear both of them talking to each other. Demi seemed happy. They hugged and Demi went back outside. She didn't even acknowledge me.

Once Nate and I got unpacked, he climbed into bed and let out a yawn.

"Ready to get some sleep?" He asked.

I sighed. "I'm gonna make some tea. I'm a little strung out from the trip. I need to unwind for a few."

"Fair enough. I'm beat babe. I'm gonna go to sleep." He smiled before sitting up to give me a kiss. "Don't stay up too much later. Gracie's an early riser."

"I won't." I smiled.

"Love you." He mumbled as he collapsed onto the pillows.

"You too." I said softly.

He was snoring before I left the room. I went downstairs and into the kitchen. I grabbed the tea kettle and put some water on to boil. As usual, the sliding glass door was open. I could hear soft guitar music drift in through the opening. I purposely ignored it. As I waited for the water to boil, I heard heavy footsteps coming from the deck. I knew it was her. I wondered if she was drunk. Probably. She was always drunk. She stepped into the kitchen and slid the door closed. She looked slightly startled when she noticed me.

"Hey." She said awkwardly.

"Hello." I replied.

"Umm, sorry. I was just outside I didn't mean to intrude or whatever." She mumbled.

"What were you doing out there? Drinking?" I asked a little more aggressively than I meant to.

"No. I don't drink anymore." She stated.

"Oh." I said surprised. "That's good."

This whole encounter was painfully awkward. I wanted it to end. You could tell she did too.

"Yeah..." She said as she shoved her hands into her pockets.

"Is this really what it's come to?" I asked softly.

"I guess so." She quickly answered.

"I'm still mad at you." I told her.

"I know. There's not much I can do about it though." She replied.

"You're not even going to try to make it right?" I asked.

"No. There's no point. You're just going to have to let it go Sel."

"What am I supposed to do? Pretend it never happened?"

"You've always been good at pretending."

That hurt, and she knew it. I knew exactly what she was talking about.

"Can we please not fight?" I asked her.

"I'm not fighting. It's late. I'm going to go to bed. Enjoy your tea." She said as she walked away.

I had completely lost interest in my tea. I walked upstairs and found myself standing outside her door. My hand grasped the doorknob and I froze. I had lost my mind. There was absolutely no reason for me to be standing here. I quickly turned around and went to my room. I climbed into bed and curled up against Nate. I closed my eyes and drifted to sleep. I was relieved when I didn't dream about her.

I woke the next morning to sunlight pouring through the windows. I noticed that Nate was already up. He must have let me sleep in. I smiled at the sweet gesture. I got out of bed and took a quick shower. Once I was dressed I went downstairs to join the rest of the family. Everyone was sitting down at the breakfast table.

"Mornin'" Shane said enthusiastically.

"Good morning." I smiled.

"Did you sleep well?" Nate asked as I sat down.

"Yes I did." I replied as I leaned in for a kiss. Demi didn't even seem to care. It was strange because she used to get jealous.

"I'm so glad you're here!" Taylor said excitedly. "We've got sooooo much to catch up on." She added smiling.

"I've missed you too Tay."

"You wanna go riding with me today princess?" Demi asked Gracie.

"Mmm mmm." Gracie responded nodding her head.

"I'll ask your mommy if its ok." Demi said as she glanced at me. "Selena?" She asked raising her eyebrow. "Can I take her?"

"Of course." I said smiling.

She stood and picked Gracie up. "Lets go squirt!" She teased.

Gracie laughed as Demi placed her on her shoulders and they walked out the door. I could hear the clanking of Demi's spurs as her boots struck the hardwood floor. My heart melted as I watched them together. It should be illegal to let her hold children. It made me forget about everything that has happened between us.

"She seems to be doing well." I said to no one in particular.

"She been doing great actually." Shane replied. "She's been sober for the past six months. Hasn't touched a single drop of booze."

"Her eyes seem clear and bright. You can tell." I said.

"She seems to have settled a bit. She reached out to Naya and apologized for everything. I guess Naya was cool about it. They didn't get back together or anything, but they're on good terms now." Shane said before shoving a forkful of food into his mouth.

"She's started working on her car again, which is a good thing. That was something that she used to do with her dad. I think she's healing." Taylor added.

"Benji really straightened her out." Nate said. "I'm going to have to thank him. He saved her life." He added softly.

The rest of breakfast was spent talking and getting caught up. I helped Taylor with the dishes and Nate and Shane went out to the barn to do some work.

"How have you been Sel?" Taylor asked.

"I've been good." I answered with a smile. "Gracie keeps me on my toes and Nate has been amazing."

"I'm glad to hear that. Things were a bit rough for a while..." She trailed off. "Anyway, I can't believe Gracie is almost three!"

"I know! She's growing up so fast." I sighed. "Do you and Shane want kids?" I asked her.

"Yeah. We're gonna wait though. We want to enjoy our younger years together before we start a family." She smiled.

"I get that." I said with a chuckle. "If only Nate and I had been a bit more careful. In any case, I wouldn't trade her for the world."

"Aww." Taylor sighed. "Look at them!" She said as she looked out the window.

I went to take a look and I immediately smiled. Gracie was sitting in front of Demi as they rode the horse toward the corral. Gracie had a huge smile on her face. Demi handed her the reins then have her a kiss on the cheek. It looked like Demi was talking to her as well. She was probably telling her how to hold the reins and what to do. Once they made it to the corral, Demi got down off the horse then helped Gracie. I heard Gracie squeal when Demi held her up high above her head and twirled her around.

"Sel?" I heard Taylor say as she snappe her fingers in front of my face.

"Hmm?" I mumbled.

"Umm, you need to take a five minute break or something. You should not be looking at anyone other than your husband like that." Taylor scolded.

"What are you talking about?" I asked annoyed.

"That look Sel. I know what it is. You need to stop."

"Taylor, just stop." I sighed. "There's no look."

"You've already been down that road. It almost destroyed you. No." She said firmly.

"She's so good with Gracie." I said softly. "I have never seen her so happy." I added.

"She might be good with Gracie, but she's not good with you."

"Taylor!" I snapped. "This has nothing to do with that!"

"Jesus Sel. Don't snap at me. I'm just trying to keep you from doing something stupid." She said looking slightly offended.

"I'm not trying to snap at you. I'm sorry."

"Apology accepted." She said rolling her eyes. "I'm only telling you want I see. You had that look of a woman who just found something she wanted badly."

"I think I'm just happy she found something to love that won't hurt her." I answered honestly.

"Are you sure about that?"

"Yeah." I said softly. "I'm sure."


	24. It Only Hurts When I'm Breathing

**A/N: I apologize in advance for this one. It's a little sad. Thank you so much for continuing to read and review. You guys are too kind. Enjoy!**

As I walked into the house, I could tell that they had been talking about me. The awkward silence was almost comical. Gracie immediately provided a welcome distraction that Selena didnt hesitate to grab a hold of. I almost said something, but decided it wise to keep my mouth shut. She was wound tightly.

"Mommy!" The three year old giggled as she ran into her mothers arms.

"Hey princess." Selena smiled as she scooped her up. "Did you have fun?"

"Uh huh!"

"She's a pro." I said as I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge.

"We'll she's learning from a pro." Taylor smiled.

"I've ways been a good teacher." I said winking. Selena narrowed her eyes at me. "I'm good with my hands." I added with a smirk.

Taylor clamped her hand over her mouth in an attempt to hold in a laugh. It didn't really work. Selena pursed her lips and glared at me.

"Seriously?" She asked.

"Nah." I said taking a drink of water.

"Can I color?" Gracie asked Selena.

"Yes baby. Come on." She said taking her daughters hand and leaving the kitchen.

I watched her as she walked away. I couldn't help it. She had a great ass.

"You're in rare form." Taylor said crossing her arms. "I guess your time away really brought out the best in you."

"Oh, come on. She was asking for it. Besides, I deserve to have a little fun right?"

"Don't provoke her."

"I can't help it. She pisses me off. Things are perfectly fine around here without her showing up and bringing her roller coaster complicated ass emotions. She gives me whip lash. I think we're in a bitchy phase right now."

"Demi, are you seriously going to walk around her pretending like you don't feel anything for her anymore because if that's the case, you're seriously overcompensating." She said rolling her eyes.

"Don't even start that with me. I laid it all out on the line Tay. I don't know what sob story she's telling you, but I'm the one that got the short straw." I responded.

"And she didn't?" Taylor scoffed. "You're not this self sacrificing little angel you make yourself out to be. You put the moves on her to start with. Lets not forget that."

"She was practically begging for it."

"Listen to yourself! That's your baby brothers wife! You should've known better."

"She could've said no."

"To you? Probably not. You make her stupid."

"Umm is everything alright?" Shane asked awkwardly as he walked into our conversation.

"Yeah. We were discussing Naya." Taylor answered quickly. I nodded in agreement.

"Oh. You guys getting back together?" He asked.

Taylor laughed. "No. That would be a mess."

"Ok." Shane said slowly. "Anyway, we've got some work to finish up you gonna help?" He asked me.

"Yeah I'll be right out."

"We'll be at the barn." He said as he walked away.

"Bye babe." Taylor smiled. "Love you."

"Love you too." He replied with a grin.

"Looks like you're off the hook again." Taylor sighed. "Don't be a douche. I mean it." She warned.

"Fuckin women." I mumbled as I walked away.

"I heard that!" She called after me.

Once I finished the days work, I rode back toward the house. I was surprised when I saw Selena walking toward me. She really was beautiful. Her long, dark brown hair flowed behind her.

"Hey!" She called out to me.

I rode closer to her. "What's up?" I asked casually.

"Can you take me up to the ridge? I wanted to get some pictures before the sunset. Nate's too tired and I don't want to go alone..." She trailed off.

"Sure." I smiled. "Climb on." I said waggling my eyebrows.

She tried not to smile, but gave in anyway. "You're horrible."

"So I've heard."

I took her up to the ridge line and watched as she took a bunch of pictures. Every once in a while she would point the camera in my direction. I smiled a couple of times and even waved once. I couldn't help but laugh at how hard she appeared to be concentrating. It was amusing to me.

"I'm ready when you are." She said as she put her camera away.

As we rode I felt her lay her cheek against my back in between my shoulder blades. I felt her arms wrap around my waist. I immediately tensed. My heart started hammering in my chest. I know she could hear it.

"Sel..."

"Don't Demi. Please..." She whispered.

I sighed and kept my mouth shut. I felt her arms tighten around my waist. She took a deep breath and let out a long sigh. I just let her be. She obviously needed something from me, so I gave it to her willingly. I wasn't quite sure what she needed, but I hoped she was getting it. We rode the rest of the way in silence. Once we made it back to the house I felt relieved. She was too close to me right now. I needed space. I'd be a damn liar if I said that this didn't hurt me. I felt like I couldn't breathe. Once she got off the horse, I immediately followed. I walked away quickly and angrily ran my hands through my hair. What she was doing wasn't fair.

"Demi wait!" She called after me. "Please."

"I can't do this with you Sel." I said as I stopped without turning around.

"I don't know how to stop Demi." She said softly her voice cracking slightly.

"You need to. You're killing me slowly Sel. I know you don't mean to, but you gotta stop." I said as I turned around to face her.

She looked so small and lost. Her eyes were filled to brim with unshed tears. She wrapped her arms around her body and looked down at the ground. I wanted to hold her. I wanted to tell her that everything was alright. But I didn't. And if we're being honest, nothing was alright. It was far from it.

"I never meant to hurt you." She whispered as the tears fell.

"It's ok. It doesn't hurt anymore." I lied.

"Please don't hate me."

"I don't. I just need to keep my distance. I could never hate you." I said trying to be reassuring.

"I feel like I'm losing you."

"I was never yours to lose." I said softly.

I could tell that hurt her. I was surprised when she closed the gap between us. Her hands found their way up to my face. I stood there as he slid them down my neck and to my shoulders until she stopped and rested them on my chest.

"You shouldn't touch me like this Sel."

She didn't listen. She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me close. Slowly, my arms left my sides and I slid my hands across her hips and let them rest in the small of her back. She sighed into my ear as soon as she felt my fingertips touch her skin.

"I know this isn't fair to you and I know that I'm being selfish." She whispered into my ear.

We stood like that for several more moments. Neither of us wanted to be the first to break contact with the other. We were only prolonging the inevitable. She had her life and I had mine. Two very different and separate lives. I felt her start to pull away first.

"Are you ok?" I asked her.

"No." She answered honestly. "My whole body aches for you. It hurts Demi. It still hurts." She said wiping at the tears that fell.

"I can't help you with this. It's unfair to me and you know that. We said we wouldn't do this again." I said to her trying to keep my voice from shaking.

"Why do we always come back to this? Why is one of us always crying?" She asked. I know she didn't really expect an answer. "Does it always hurt this much?" She asked looking into my eyes.

"Only when I breathe." I said, my voice catching.

"How do you make it stop?" She sniffled.

"I hold my breath."

She let out a humorless laugh. "We really made a mess didn't we?"

"Yeah. I think we did."

"What do we do now?" She asked.

"Nothing Sel. We do nothing." I said cupping her cheek. "You're going to go home with Nate and I'm going to stay here and try to keep my shit together."

"Why do I feel like you're the one that's carrying all the guilt? I stopped feeling guilty Demi. I feel nothing but regret. I regret letting you walk away. I regret losing you."

"It's done. We have to let it go." I said as I let my hand fall back to my side.

"Its not fair Demi. I feel like I destroyed you. Everything thats happened these past few years is my fault. The drinking. When you almost..." She couldn't even say the last part. Instead, she let out a quiet sob. "I feel like I took the most beautiful part of you and twisted it into a thing I could use."

"You can't blame yourself for things that I did. I made all of those choices. You had no say so in any of it. You made me stop Sel. If anything, you saved me. Stop blaming yourself." I said as I pulled her into an embrace.

She held onto me tightly. I could feel her fingertips pressing into my back. I pulled back slightly and held her face in my hands. I ran my thumb across her bottom lip. Neither one of us saw him. Before I could kiss her, he said my name.

"Demi?" Shane asked slightly confused.

We quickly pulled apart.

"What's going on?" He asked slowly.

I had no idea what to say. Selena quickly walked away and disappeared into the night.

"We were talking." I told him as I cleared my throat.

"That's not what it looked like to me." He said his tone slightly accusatory.

"Whatever you think saw, just forget about it." I said as I brushed passed him.

He grabbed my arm. "Don't walk away from me. She's your brothers wife!" He grabbed both sides of my shirt collar and shook me. I quickly pushed him off.

"It was nothing Shane! We were two adults having a conversation. That's it. Nothing more. If you don't accept that, then do what you will." I said before walking away.

I walked into the house and went directly upstairs. Once I walked I to my room, I didn't even bother to close the door. I flipped onto my bed and let out a frustrated sigh. I had no idea what Shane was going to tell Nate, if anything. This was such as mess. Before I could let my thoughts run away any further, I heard a small voice in my doorway.

"I'm scared." She said quietly. "Bad dreams." She sniffled.

"Come here sweetheart." I said softly.

I listened as her little feet padded softly across the floor. She held her arms up and I lifted her up into my bed. She wrapped her arms around my neck and I laid back with her against my chest. I rubbed small circles on her back as I felt her her breathing start to even out.

"Love you." She mumbled before drifting to sleep.

"I love you too." I whispered.


	25. Thunder Only Happens When It's Raining

**A/N: Yay! A chapter that all you complainers should like! Lol. I love everyone's reviews. Keep em coming. As always thank you for reading and I hope that this story is more entertaining than it is frustrating. The song is called "Good Enough" it's by Evanescence.**

I woke up and rolled out of bed. It was still early so I headed toward Gracie's room to check on her. It was empty. I was a little surprised that she wasn't in bed, but it didn't alarm me. She was safe in this house. I noticed Demi's bedroom door was wide open. I assumed she was up already and that Gracie was with her. I passed by Demi's door and stopped dead in my tracks. I had never seen anything more precious than the two of them. They were both fast asleep. Demi was laying on her stomach with her head resting on her arm. Gracie was laying sideways with her head resting in the small of Demi's back. Her little cheek was squished against Demi's skin and her mouth was open. My heart literally skipped a beat. I leaned my head against the door frame and just stared at them. They were perfect.

"That should be illegal." I heard Taylor mumble as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

"Right?"

"I totally get it Sel."

"Really?"

"Yes." She said as she looked at the two of them sleeping. "That is the sexiest thing I have ever seen. People really need to stop letting her have small children." She chuckled.

"I know..." I breathed.

"She can get it." Taylor grinned.

"Tay!" I said lightly tapping her arm.. "Stop it!" I laughed softly.

"I'm just saying Sel. That is ridiculous." She said pointing at the two of them sleeping.

"Let's let them be." I said quietly as I grabbed Taylor's hand and led her downstairs.

"I don't know why you settled for Nate." She said as she started making coffee. "Demi is a ten. She's charming, sexy as hell, great with kids and I'm pretty sure she's good in bed. Perfect." She grinned.

"You're the worst best friend ever." I teased.

"I just don't get it. After everything that you guys went through, you're still not together. It's stupid."

"Tay..." I warned.

"I'm serious. I used to think that you were just really stupid. I've gotten to know her pretty well. I totally get it Sel. I don't roll that way, but she's perfect. Especially for you. You need to wake up." She said seriously.

"I don't want to tear this family apart. There's more at stake than just me and Demi." I answered sadly.

"That just sounds like another excuse Sel. Nate is safe and dependable. He's also been half assing his way through your marriage since it started." She frowned.

"I know." I sighed. I'm gonna check on Gracie again."

"Mm hmm. I bet you are." She grinned.

"Shut up!" I said sticking out my tongue.

As I walked upstairs I could tell they were awake. I could hear Gracie giggling and Demi making what I can only describe as growling noises. I looked in the doorway and I laughed when I saw Demi holding Gracie upside down by her ankles.

"Gimme all your lunch money!" She teased the little girl.

"Nooooooooooo!" Gracie squealed.

Demi then proceeded to drop her onto the bed and blow raspberries all over her stomach as she wiggled and laughed in an attempt to get away from her.

"Hey Sel." Demi said slightly out of breath. "You want a turn?" She said smiling mischievously.

I laughed. "No. Maybe next time."

"Mommy!" Gracie said running over to me. As usual I scooped her up and hugge her tightly. "I sleeped wif auntie Demi." She said smiling brilliantly.

"You did?" I asked.

"Uh huh. Scary dreams." She said quietly.

"Well, it's a good thing you had Demi. She kept all the scary monsters away." I said smiling at Demi.

"I'm hungry." She said.

"Ok baby. I'll make you breakfast." I said placing a kiss on her nose. "Join us." I said looking at Demi.

"Yes dear." She smirked.

I carried Gracie downstairs and got her situated in the kitchen. Taylor and I started cooking and Demi came downstairs to join us. I felt her behind me as she attempted to steal a piece of the fruit I was cutting up. I slapped her hand away playfully and turned toward her to scold her. She was a lot closer than I thought, her hands grabbed my hips to keep her balance. Our noses brushed against each other in the process.

"Sorry." She said with a grin. It was the kind of grin that told me she really wasn't sorry.

I bit my bottom lip then broke into a shy smile. "It's ok." I said softly. I noticed her hands were still on my hips.

"Y'all need to get a room." Taylor said loudly. She let out a startled laugh as Demi launched a strawberry at her.

"Shut it!" Demi said laughing as she removed her other hand from my hip and moved toward the table.

There was something about her that was pulling me back in. She was so full of life again. For the first time in almost 3 years she looked free. I watched a she sat and played with Gracie. Once we finished cooking Taylor an I sat down and joined them. The conversation was light and playful. I can't remember the last time Demi and I spent time with each other like this. It was nice. The tension between us seemed to be gone.

The atmosphere immediately changed when Shane walked into the room. He didn't say anything but he gave Demi a sharp look as he sat down. Taylor could tell something was up.

"Did you have a good night?" He asked Demi as he stabbed at his eggs with a fork.

"Yes. It was wonderful Shane. How about you?" She asked clearly annoyed.

"Not as eventful as yours." He said glaring at her. "And by eventful I mean adulterous." He added looking at me.

Demi dropped her fork and stood. Her chair tipped over.

"Shit." Taylor mumbled. "Not in the house Dem." she said quickly. "And not in front of Gracie." She added.

"You and me. Outside. Now." She growled at Shane.

"Both of you stop it!" I yelled. "This is ridiculous. Nothing happened Shane." I said emphasizing the word nothing.

"And don't you ever speak to her again like that you little prick!" Demi snapped at Shane.

"Shane. Let it go." Taylor said softly.

Shane stood up and walked toward Demi. She met him halfway. They stood toe to toe staring each other down. Demi was smaller than he was, but she was fearless and stood her ground. I was kind of turned on. I'd never had anyone stand up for me like this.

"Look in my eyes and tell me what I saw was nothing." He challenged.

"You walked in at an awkward moment and made an assumption. Nothing has or ever will happen." She lied without flinching.

"Mommy? What's happening?" Gracie asked slightly scared.

"They're just talking sweetheart." I said with a forced smile.

"Shane. Sit down." Taylor said forcefully. "Now."

Surprisingly he listened. The rest of breakfast was absolutely uncomfortable. Shane and Demi looked like they wanted to kill each other. This was exactly what I didn't want to have happen. I knew with absolute certainty, he was going to talk to Nate. I was scared. I had no idea what would happen if he did that. I glanced at Taylor and she looked just as concerned as I was.

"Shane. Lets cut the bullshit." Demi said breaking the silence. "Do you seriously think I'd put the moves on my own brothers wife?" She asked sounding slightly offended.

"No." He mumbled.

"Then why are you doing this?" She asked.

"It looked bad Demi. I just..." He shook his head. "You know what, I owe you both an apology. I know you Dem. You're a lot of things, but you're not a home wrecker." He said. "I'm sorry."

"Thank you Jesus." Taylor sighed.

Demi made eye contact with me from across the table. She had that look. The one that said we need to talk. I nodded very subtly and she quickly looked away. We finished breakfast and Demi went upstairs to shower.

"Can you watch Gracie for me?" I aske Taylor after Shane left. "I have something I need to do."

"Yeah. And Sel, I'm sorry about Shane. He can be a little difficult sometimes." She said with an apologetic look.

"It's ok. It's not your fault he's not oblivious." I said with a small smile.

I took a deep breath and made my way upstairs. I could hear the shower in Demi's bathroom running. I could also hear her singing softly in the shower. I will never understand why she walked away from her career. She was so talented. I sat down her bed and waited for her to finish. My heart started to race as soon as I heard the water turn off. My jaw hit the floor when she stepped out of her bathroom naked and dripping wet. I forgot she liked to air dry.

"Well this is fun." She said when he saw me sitting there staring at her toned body.

"Abs..." I mumbled.

"What?" She asked laughing. "Sel!" She said snapping her fingers.

"Oh god!" I said covering my eyes. "I'm sorry, I didn't know..."

"Will you calm down. It's not like you haven't seen it before. What the hell are you doing in here?" She asked. "You can uncover your eyes. I have a towel." She added.

I removed my hand from my eyes and sighed. "I wanted to talk to you." I explained.

"Then talk." She said as she stepped into her closet and got dressed.

"Demi, I'm sorry you have to lie because of me. I know it's hard."

"You're worth it Sel. Don't be sorry. I have a choice and I choose you. I will choose you every time. No questions asked. You will always come first. I'm gonna love you no matter what. Even if you don't feel the same."

"You're amazing." I whispered.

She rolled her eyes. "Thank you for feeding my already oversized ego. It appreciates it."

"I'm serious Demi."

"I know. Meet me downstairs tonight. I have something that I want to give to you."

"Ok. I'll see you later." I said as I left her to to finish getting ready for the day.

I spent the rest of the day outside with Gracie. Nate was working and on the phone most of the day, which for a change was actually a relief. He was annoying to me now. I counted down the hours until the sun dipped below the horizon. I was anxious to see to Demi.

"Nate can you put Gracie into the bath for me?" I asked.

"Not right now Sel. I've for to finish these emails." He said sounding slightly annoyed.

"I'll do it." I heard Demi say as she put down the book she was reading.

"Are you sure?" I asked as I continued to fold laundry.

"Yup." She smiled. "It's not a problem."

"Thank you." I said touching her arm as she passed by. I was surprised when she pressed her lips to my temple. She glanced back at Nate and he was as clueless as ever. He was dumb. There's no way he couldn't see what me and Demi had. He was either choosing to ignore it or he really was just that clueless.

After what seemed like hours, everyone in the house finally settled into bed for the night. I waited until Nate fell asleep and I quietly crept down the stairs. I felt like a rebellious teenager trying to sneak out of the house.

"Demi?" I said quietly.

"I'm in here." She answered.

I followed the sound of her voice into the den. She was sitting at the piano.

"Come sit." She said patting the bench next to her. "Do you remember when I came out to Chicago and we stayed at the hotel?" She asked.

"Yes. I do." I said softly.

"I was writing a song when you woke up that morning and I wouldn't let you see it." She said.

"I remember." I smiled.

"This is that song. I wrote it for you. I want you to hear it." She said blushing slightly.

I closed my eyes as she started to play the piano. I smiled as she started to sing.

_Under your spell again._

_I can't say no to you._

_Crave my heart and it's bleeding in your hand._

_I can't say no to you._

_Shouldn't let you torture me so sweetly._

_Now I can't let go of this dream._

_I can't breathe but I feel..._

_Good enough,_

_I feel good enough for you._

_Drink up sweet decadence._

_I can't say no to you,_

_And I've completely lost myself, and I don't mind._

_I can't say no to you._

_Shouldn't let you conquer me completely._

_Now I can't let go of this dream._

_Can't believe that I feel..._

_Good enough,_

_I feel good enough._

_It's been such a long time coming, but I feel good._

_And I'm still waiting for the rain to fall._

_Pour real life down on me._

_'Cause I can't hold on to anything this good enough._

_Am I good enough for you to love me too?_

_So take care what you ask of me,_

_'cause I can't say no._

"That was beautiful." I whispered when she finished.

"It's for you." She said softly as she pushed my hair behind my ear.

"Thank you."

"Don't cry." She said softly as she brushed the tears away with her thumb.

"I want to make this work. I want to figure this out. I need you Demi. So much. I can't settle anymore. It's you. It's always been you."

She didn't say anything and she didn't have to. She took my hand and we walked outside. We made our way over to her fathers grave and we sat down on the neatly kept grass.

"I'd climb up into the sky and bring you a star if you asked me to." She said as she slung her arm across my shoulder.

"Demi...kiss me." I whispered.

I could see the passion burning in her deep brown eyes. I wanted to get lost in their depths. In her eyes I was everything. In her eyes I was perfect. In her eyes I was loved.


	26. I Don't Have A Choice

**A/N: Sorry it took me so long. Thank you for reading, thank you for reviewing. Enjoy.**

I woke the next morning with her laying on my chest. The sun hadn't started to rise yet. I softly pressed my lips to the top of her head. I heard her let out a content sigh. As I laid there holding her in my arms, I realized that I would give up everything for her, including my family. She was all I would ever need. The missing piece that completed me. I didn't care about my brothers or what they would think. I cared about her. I loved her. I smiled when I felt her start to stir. She slowly sat up and looked at me.

"Morning sleepyhead." I whispered.

"Morning." She answered her voice still raspy from sleep.

"You sure about this Sel?" I asked her.

"I am." She said with complete certainty. "Are you? You have more to lose Demi if your family doesn't..."

"Shhh." I said silencing her. "You're my family now Selena. I choose you." I said softly.

"It just seems unfair. I wish it didn't have to be this way."

"Can I ask you something?" I said to her.

"Yes."

"Why did you marry him? After everything that happened that week. What didn't you just walk away then?"

"I had no idea what I was doing. I clung to the one familiar thing I had, Nate." She explained.

I frowned while I thought about what she said. It was a pretty simple explainantion. "I guess it makes sense. Either way we would've been fucked."

"Yeah." She said softly. "I should probably get up before everyone else does. Not that it's going to matter later, I just don't want him to find out this way."

"You should let me tell him."

"No. I owe him at least that much. I have to look him in the eye and tell him everything."

"I hope it's worth it Sel. I hope I'm worth it. I feel like I've left you no other choice..." I trailed off as she grabbed my hand and placed it on her chest over her heart.

"Do you feel that? You do this. My heart pounds everytime I'm close to you. I can hardly breathe when you're around." She said softly.

"This is going to be very hard for you Sel. Hurting him. Regardless of whatever issues the two of you have, it's still going to hurt. I'm going to ask you again, are you sure that this is what you want? I'm not a picnic. I come with an entirely different set of issues."

"I love you Demi. I always have and I always will and that's all I need to know."

And there it was. Those three little words. For the first time, she said them to me. I couldn't breathe. Since I have a penchant for the dramatic, I'd say the world pretty much stopped. At least for me anyway. It's amazing what a difference hearing it out loud makes. Her eyes have always given it away, but she had yet to say it. Until now.

"Baby, you look like you just discovered the meanin of life. You ok?" She asked with a shy smile.

"Absolutely." I smiled before giving her a quick kiss. "You should go before everyone wakes up."

"I'll see you later." Sh said before getting up and leaving.

I stayed in bed and tried to process everything that was happening. This is literally what I had been waiting on for over three years. I still felt terrible though. Nate was about to have his whole world turned upside down. He trusted me and I had repaid him by snatching up his wife when he wasn't looking. I hoped for Selena's sake he took it with some grace. Despite everything I think that there's a part of her that loves him. That part is about to have a very bad day.

The rest of the morning was interesting to say the least. Selena and I spent most of the morning avoiding each other after I almost kissed her in front of my mom when I came downstairs. It was awkward. We agreed to give each other space until she talked to Nate. Our body language was not subtle and we were having a hard time hiding it. We didn't want to give anything away. Not yet at least. She was going to tell Nate she was leaving him sometime today. I was extremely nervous for her.

It was late afternoon when she came out to the barn to talk to me again. I was busy shoeing horses and cleaning out the stables. She had Gracie with her.

"Hey Dem." she said nervously.

"Hi." I smiled.

"Would you mind watching Gracie for me? Nate and I are going to head out for a bit." She said as she stared intently into my eyes.

I swallowed. "Yes. I'd be happy to watch her."

"You sure? It could be awhile."

"I'm sure Sel." I said meeting her gaze. I know what she was asking. It was her way of telling me that Gracie was a part of the deal.

"Mommy's gonna go out for a bit. Demi is going to watch you." She told the three year old as she handed her off to me.

I smiled as she wrapped her arms tightly around my neck. "I love you Demi." Her little voice whispered in my ear.

"I love you too princess." I whispered back into hers.

"I'll be back tonight Dem." Selena said as she walked away.

"Sel!" I called after her. "I love you."

She blew me a kiss as she walked away. Gracie giggled and smiled at me.

"What's so funny?" I asked as I tickled her.

She laughed and squealed as she tried to get away. Once I was certain she couldn't breathe anymore, I stopped so she could catch her breath.

"Demi."

"Hmm."

"I wish you were my daddy."

I had no idea what to say to that. I was completely caught off guard. Children say the craziest things sometimes. This was out of no where.

"Sweetheart, I can't be your daddy." I said softly.

"Why not? She asked looking at me with the most innocent expression.

"Because you already have a daddy." I explained.

"But I want you! You always play with me and hug me and sing with me and you smell good!" She said without taking a breath.

My heart melted. I didn't have the strength to disagree with her. "You know what, I'll be whatever you want me to be. I will always be here for you."

"Promise?" She asked tucking her chin.

"Promise." I said as I scooped her up and hugged her.

"You're squishing me!" She exclaimed.

"Sorry. I just love you that much." I smiled.

We spent the rest of day outside playing. She also helped me with some of the chores around the house and before we both knew it, the stars were out. I was a little worried about Selena. I figured that they would have been back by now. Gracie quickly grabbed my attention again however. I was laying on my stomach while she gave me directions as to how to color a picture. She was laying on my back with her chin resting on my shoulder. I laughed every time she would scold me for coloring outside the lines. I did it on purpose just to get a rise out of her. She was the cutest when she was trying to be stern. I think she gets it from her mother.

I woke up several hours later with a snoring child on my back and crayons stuck to my face. I was surprised to see Selena sitting on the couch just staring at us. I went to move, but she stopped me.

"Stay." She said quietly. "You guys are adorable." She smiled sadly.

"Are you ok?" I asked when I realized her eyes were bloodshot and she looked as if she had been crying.

"Yeah. I'm ok." She whispered. "Nate didn't take it well."

"I didn't really expect him to." I stated as she continued to look at me and Gracie.

"You know what I love the most about you?" She asked. "The way you are with her. You treat her like she's yours. She loves you so much Demi." She said as she started to cry again.

"Sel. What's wrong?" I asked her my tone serious.

"He's going to fight me for custody." She said through her tears.

I carefully sat up without disturbing Gracie. I scooped her up in my arms and took her upstairs to bed. Once I was sure she was comfortable, I went back downstairs to Selena.

"He hardly knows a thing about her Demi." She cried as I wrapped her up in my arms.

"He's not getting her Sel. I won't let it happen." I said trying to stay calm.

"He's a lawyer. He's got money..."

"I have more money than he'll ever see in a lifetime. My lawyer will eat him alive Sel. I won't let him take her."

"You would fight him? Your own brother?" She asked as she wiped away her tears.

"You're god damn right I will Sel. She's mine!" I blurted out.

"Yeah she is." Selena said softly.

I sat with her the rest of the night until she fell asleep. I carried her upstairs and put her into my bed. If he wanted a fight, he was going to get one.


	27. If Tomorrow Never Comes

**A/N: Thabk you all so much for reading. We are getting close to the end. Leave a review of you like the story! The song that's in this chapter is called "Wild Horses" by The Rolling Stones. It's literally my favorite song in the entire world. Love it. **

I was glad when I opened my eyes and found her sleeping next to me. She radiated warmth and security. I needed her strength. She was everything to me. After everything that my heart had put me through, I knew that it was safe with her. She had changed a lot over the last year. Whatever burdens she used to carry, were long gone. Her eyes were bright and clear without the haze of alcohol. She was steady.

The conversation with Nate did not go well at all. He exploded in anger. I had never seen him so like that in all the years I had known him. Once he calmed down, he tried to convince me that we could work it out. When that didn't work he began to cry hysterically. I had no idea what to do. The part that scared me the most was what he had to say about Demi. I was legitimately concerned for her safety. He threatened to kill her. There was something about the way he said it that worried me. He was so calm and determined when he uttered the words. It chilled me to the bone.

Before I could let my mind wander any farther, Shane barged in.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me!" He exclaimed.

Demi immediately woke up and snapped at him. "Haven't you ever heard of knocking?"

"This is real cute." He said laughing. "I cannot fucking believe this.

"Shane, get out." She said calmly.

"How could you do this to him. He's your little brother Demi." He said to her, his eyes pleading for an answer.

"It doesn't matter."

"I think it does."

"Shane, it's not all her fault." I said quickly.

"Selena, shut up." Demi snapped as she stood to face her brother.

"You betrayed him. Your own flesh and blood over a piece of ass!" Shane yelled.

"No. I fell in love with the same girl he did." She said calmly. "This isn't some random hook up."

"You know what really gets me Demi. The fact that you lied. I could look past you and Selena hooking up or whatever, it happens. The fact that you looked me in the eye and lied to me without blinking is unbelievable. I don't even know who you are anymore." He said sadly.

I could tell she was struggling for something to say. "You're right. I've done some things that I'm not proud of. I love her Shane. She wasn't happy with him."

"Then you never should have married him!" He said angrily as he looked at me. "How do you even look at yourself in the mirror. Nate's a lot of things but he isn't a bad person. He deserves better."

"That's why I left him." I said with a shaky voice. "I couldn't live a lie anymore."

"This is between you and I. Leave her out of it!" Demi yelled at him.

"Perhaps you should have taken your own advice." He retorted.

"Shane. Don't be a fucking smart ass!"

"I don't trust you. I can't even look at you Demi. You were supposed to take care of him. Protect him. Not completely betray him and shatter his whole world!" He said waving his arms before dropping them to his sides.

"I didn't do this on purpose!"

"Oh, so you accidentally fucked his wife and started a relationship?" He asked sarcastically.

"That's not fair Shane..."

"Tell me, how does it feel Demi?"

"Fuck you. Get out of my room."

"Don't speak to me." He said pointing his finger in her face before he left the room.

"Where's Gracie?" Demi immediately asked.

"She's still asleep." I told her. "I'm so sorry..."

"Not right now Sel." She interrupted as she pulled on a pair of jeans.

"Demi, what are you doing?" I asked trying to hide the worry in my voice.

"I have to talk to Nate."

I tried to stop her, but she wouldn't listen to me. She was determined to talk to him. She wouldn't let anyone stand in her way. I stood by helplessly as she walked away. I had no idea what state of mind he was in right now. Once she was gone, I could hardly sit still. I decided to go and try to talk to Shane. I wanted to try and reason with him. I found him sitting in the kitchen drinking a beer. He looked preoccupied.

"I did this. It was me." I said softly. "She resisted me so much. I just wouldn't leave her alone. Once I had her, I tried to push her away but she held on."

"I really don't care?" He said as his gaze met mine. "

"I fell in love. She made me feel things that I never knew I could feel. I was just going through the motions. I didn't realize I was missing something until I met her." I said to him.

"You had no right to come into this house and break apart my family. None!" He said loudly.

"Don't punish her Shane...please. She didn't know how to tell you. She was ashamed."

"How can you stand here and talk to me like I actually give a damn about what you have to say?" He asked his tone condescending. "What happens when your little infatuation runs it course?"

"I can't live without her. It physically hurts me. I don't have that with Nate. Not even close."

"She lied to me. You lied to me. Both of you fuckin lied to everyone!" He yelled. "What about Gracie? Has anyone thought about whats best for her?"

"Don't you talk about my daughter like you know what she needs." I spat at him.

"She needs her father."

"She needs someone that actually wants to be around Shane. If you only knew how many times Nate has let her down, we wouldn't be having this conversation. He left us a long time ago anyway. I just have the balls to do it for real."

"And you think that raising a kid with Demi is going to be any better? She's unstable. She's a fucking roller coaster. Just wait until she falls off the wagon again. You know first hand how that goes. Gracie is old enough to be affected by that shit now!"

"This has nothing to do with Gracie or Demi's addiction. This has to do with me having an affair with your sister. I'm sorry Shane. I'm so sorry I lied, but I will not apologize for falling in love with her. I don't care if you hate me. Blame me for all of it, just not her. Please..."

"Selena..."

"You're like my brother you know?" I whispered. "You have always been there for me Shane. I love you regardless. Even if you hate me for the rest of my life."

He angrily ran his hands through his hair and let out a sigh. "You shouldn't have lied and you shouldn't have married him. I just need time." He said softly. "I don't hate you." He added.

He walked away before I could say anything else. There wasn't much left to say anyway. I spent the rest of the day waiting for Demi to return. She never did. I started to feel sick to my stomach. I couldn't shake the feeling that something bad had happened. The longer I waited the more irrational my thoughts became. I managed to hold myself together until I put Gracie down for bed. Once I tucked her in, I lost it. I had never cried so hard in my entire life.

I woke up to footsteps in the room. At first I thought they were Nate's. I sat up quickly an let out a sigh of relief when I saw her. I jumped out of bed and wrapped her in a crushing hug.

"I thought something had happened to you." I whispered against her ear.

"I'm fine." She said trying her best to sound reassuring. I could tell she was hurting.

"What happened Demi?" I asked softly.

"Nate will never bother you or Gracie again. He's going to give you your divorce." She stated flatly.

"He doesn't want anything to do with Gracie?" I asked slightly shocked.

"No. He doesn't."

"What are you not telling me?" I asked.

"It doesn't matter." She mumbled.

"Demi. Look at me." I said gently pulling her chin toward me. "You're not alone. Let me carry some of the burden. I want all of you, even of it hurts."

"He hates me Sel." She whispered.

That was the last thing she said to me before she laid down to go to sleep.

The next morning I woke to an empty bed. I was worried she was slipping away from me. I got up and went to go check on Gracie. I smiled when I saw Demi's tattooed feet sticking out from underneath a fort they had made out of sheets. Gracie was laying across Demis chest while she read her a book.

"I wanna sing!" I heard Gracie's little voice exclaim.

"Me too." Demi said sounding excited.

I watched as Gracie settled in next to Demi. "What should we sing princess?" She asked.

"Rolling Stones!" Gracie squeeled.

"As you wish." Demi smiled. My heart melted when she planted a kiss on Gracie's head. I continued to stand in the doorway unnoticed as I heard Demi's soft soprano fill the room.

_Childhood living is easy to do_

_The things you wanted _

_I bought them for you_

_Graceless lady you know who I am_

_You know I can't let you _

_Slide through my hands_

_Wild horses couldn't drag me away_

_Wild, wild horses couldn't drag me away_

_I watched you suffer_

_A dull aching pain_

_And now you've decided_

_To show me the same_

_No sweeping exits_

_Or offstage lines_

_Could make me feel bitter_

_Or treat you unkind_

_Wild horses couldn't drag me away_

_Wild, wild horses, couldn't drag me away_

_I know I dreamed you _

_A sin and a lie_

_I have my freedom _

_But I don't have much time_

_Faith has been broken_

_Tears must be cried_

_Let's do some living_

_After we die_

_Wild horses couldn't drag me away_

_Wild, wild horses, we'll ride them some day_

I smiled when I heard Gracie singing along. I don't think Demi realized the impact she has on her. She wants to be just like her. Demi would drop whatever she was doing regardless of how important it was if Gracie asked her to. Nate would never do something like that for her. Sometimes I felt like she knew it. In the back of mind my mind I knew that Gracie was filling the hole that Nate's absence left in her life with Demi. They were adorable together.

"I think we have a visitor." I heard Demi whisper to Gracie.

"Mommy! Are you spying?" Gracie asked sounding completely shocked.

"I'm just checking on you." I smiled.

"I'm with Demi!" Gracie giggled.

"You want to join us?" Demi asked with a wink.

"Nah. I was just making sure you guys were ok." I said softly.

"Bye mom! I love you!" Gracie said with a smile.

"I love you too baby." I replied as I turned around to leave.

"Mommy! Wait!" Gracie squealed. "What about Demi? Don't you love her?" She asked.

"Yeah Sel, what about me?" Demi asked, her eyes sparkling with mischief.

"Of course I do."

"You gotta say it or eles it doesn't count." Gracie responded sounding as serious as a three year old possible could.

"Demi." I said making eye contact. "I love you." I said softly.

"Yay!" I heard Gracie say as she clapped her hands. "Let's sing some more!" She said to Demi.

"Ok princess." Demi smiled before looking at me one more time. She gave me the most brilliant smile. She was stunning.

Once lunchtime rolled around, Gracie and Demi came downstairs to make some food. They made grilled cheese sandwiches and Demi spent the entire time singing very obnoxiously and off key. She never once let on to Gracie that she was stressed or upset. I loved her so much. Her strength and patience amazed me. I was so wrapped up in her, that I didn't notice when he entered the house. I don't think any of us did. It happened very quickly. He walked into the kitchen and went straight for Demi. She was caught off guard but managed to get in between him and Gracie. I could tell she was her primary concern.

"Nate. What are you doing?" She asked slowly, her voice never wavering. She had her eyes on his hands. I gasped when I saw the gun.

"What I should have done last night." He spat as he leveled the weapon on Demi's Chest.

"Nate. Please." I cried. "Don't do this."

"Fuck you Selena."

Gracie looked completely terrified.

"Sel. Get her out of here." Demi instructed me.

"If you leave this room I will kill you." Nate said his tone emotionless.

I froze. Gracie ran over to me in tears. I hugged her close to me and tried to remain as calm as possible. He kept the gun pointed at Demi.

"Nate. Listen to me. You don't want to do this." She said trying to reason with him.

"Yes I do." He said almost smiling.

The entire time I had to fight to hold back sobs. I couldn't believe that this was actually happening. He looked completely crazed. I knew that this was my fault. I did this to him.

"Ok." Demi said calmly. "Take me outside. I don't want Gracie to see."

"Demi...no." I cried. "Please no..."

"Shut up!" Nate yelled at me.

"Selena, do what he says." She instructed me. "Take me outside Nate. I won't fight. I just don't want Gracie to see. She's too young."

She was far too calm and I was hysterical. Even now with her life hanging in the balance, the only thing she cared about was Gracie. She didnt want her to be hurt or tramatized. She seemed completely unfazed by the fact that he was going to kill her and she was going to let him.


	28. What If I Was Nothing

**A/N: I'm so glad you all enjoyed the cliff hanger! Lol. As always thank you for reading and reviewing. Enjoy.**

I focused on my breathing as I put one foot in front of the other. Slowly I marched to my death. I could feel the cold steel as he pressed the barrel of the gun into the back of my neck. Selena and Gracie's crying rang loudly in my ears. This was the only way. I knew as soon as I got him out of the house, Selena would call 911. I would die but they would live an that's all that mattered to me.

"You don't have to this." I said as we stepped out the front door. I heard Selena scream my name.

"Yes I do. It's the only way." He said in return.

"I know you're hurting Nate. Think about what you're doing. There's no turning back if you do this. What do you hope to accomplish?" I asked trying to stall him.

He shoved me forward without saying a word. I landed hard on my knees and winced as the gravel dug into the palms of my hands.

"Don't move." He growled.

"So this is how it's going to be? You're gonna shoot me in the back when I'm on my knees." I said as I felt myself growing angry.

"Something like that." He answered.

I pushed myself up off the ground and turned around to face him. "Fuck you Nate. You can look me in the eyes."

"Turn around!" He yelled at me.

"No."

"Turn around." He said his voice low and menacing.

"Make me." I said as I met his steely gaze.

I could see him struggling with what he should do next. He opted to step closer and push the barrel of the gun against my cheek.

"Get on your knees." He hissed.

"No." I said as I tried to keep my breathing even. "I'll die standing, not on my knees."

I watched as his face twisted into an ugly snarl. He kicked my knee and I immediately dropped and cried out in pain.

He leveled the pistol on my head. I closed my eyes and waited for the impact. I didn't see her at first but I could hear her. It was Gracie and she was running toward us screaming at Nate to stop. He glanced over at her and I immediately tackled him.

"Gracie!" I heard Selena scream as she chased after her.

As Nate and I rolled around on the ground, I attempted to get the gun away. He was too strong. I continued to fight with him and hoped I could last until help arrived. As we struggled, I managed to get a hold of the firearm. We both pulled and pushed in attempt to gain control. The loud bang when it went off caused us to both stop fighting. He quickly stood up as I stayed on the ground. The pain was excrutiating. I didn't have time to process what was happening. I heard another gunshot ring out and watched as Nate lurched forward and fall to the ground.

I looked around and I saw Gracie clinging to Selena. Taylor had her arms around both of them. Shane. It was Shane. He was standing about 30 feet away holding a rifle. He lowered the weapon and ran toward me. I could hear the sirens approaching in the distance. I felt Shane's hands on me as he tried to pull me up.

"Come on Dem. Get up." He said

"I can't. My leg." I winced as I pointed to my blood soaked thigh.

"Do it for her." He said pointing toward Gracie. "Don't let her see you like this." He added as he grabbed my arm. "Get up."

"Is he...?"

"Yeah." He answered quickly.

It didn't take long for Selena to hand Gracie off to Taylor and run over to me. My leg was throbbing and gushing blood. The red stained my pant leg. She looked pale an scared as she approached me.

"Demi." She whispered as she grabbed my face in her hands.

"I can't." I groaned as I lowered myself to the ground. "It fucking hurts."

"You're stupid. You know that right? He was going to kill you." Selena cried as Shane put pressure on my bleeding thigh.

I reached up and touched Selena's face. "Better me than you.

Before she could say anything, Taylor came over with Gracie. "She insisted." Taylor explained.

"Did you fall?" I heard Gracie's little voice ask.

I laughed and groaned at the same time. "Yeah. I fell and cut my leg sweetie."

"Want me to kiss it better?" She asked.

"I love you." I said smiling as I marveled at her innocence. I realized that she hasn't asked about her father. He was laying a few feet away with his face down in the gravel. She seemed completely disinterested.

Once the police and ambulance arrived, everyone was questioned. I was loaded into the back of the ambulance and I watched as they took Nate's body in the coroners van. It still hadn't sunk in. That would be the last time I would ever see my little brother. I felt responsible for all of this. I wondered how Shane was doing. Because of me, he had to take Nate's life.

I felt the painkillers start to kick in as the paramedics closed the doors of the ambulance. I arrived at the hospital and had surgery to remove the bullet that was lodged in my leg. The surgery itself wasn't major and once it ended I was moved to a room for observation. I had to stay in the hospital for a couple days. They didn't want the wound to become infected. Once I was settled into my temporary living quarters, I drifted to sleep.

I woke several hours later and I was surprised to see him sitting there.

"It's not your fault." I heard him say.

"I'm sorry Shane. I really am." I said as a single tear slid down my cheek.

"I love you Dem. He made his own choices. That's not on you." He said as he took my hand in his. "Don't beat yourself up over this. Don't get lost in your grief or guilt. You have responsibilities now. She needs you to make this all right for her."

"I know." I sighed. "Why are you so calm?"

"My wife is an amazing woman and she put it all in perspective for me."

"How is Gracie?"

"She's good. She doesn't quite understand what happened to Nate, but I think she knows he's gone."

"Selena?" I asked.

"She's a mess. She's down at the police station right now."

"Why?" I asked slightly confused.

"He was her husband." He explained.

I nodded my understanding. Paperwork. Lots and lots of paperwork.

"Is mom ok?"

"She's upset, but I explained everything to her. She understands. She wants him buried with dad."

"Me too." I answered quickly.

"I know." He replied with a sad smile. "You should rest. I'm gonna go home and check in with Taylor and Gracie. I'll see you in the morning."

I nodded. "Give her a kiss for me." I said to him.

"Which one?" He asked raising an eyebrow.

"Taylor." I smirked.

"That's a terrible joke Dem." He said shaking his head.

"Gracie you asshole!" I shot back.

"Rest." He said softly before he walked out the door.

I drifted in and out of sleep as I laid in the hospital alone. I could feel her presence as soon as she walked into the room. I turned toward her, and her eyes met mine. She didn't say a word and neither did I. She climbed into bed and laid her head on my chest. I wrapped my arms around her and breathed her in. She was familiar. She was my everything.

"I didn't want him to die." She sniffled.

"I know baby. Me either." I said softly.

"He was going to kill you Demi. I don't know what I would have done."

"I'm still here Sel, and that's all that matters."

"I can't lose you Demi. I just can't." She cried.

"I'm right here." I said trying to soothe her.

I could feel her pain as the sobs shook her body. She cried herself to sleep. It had been a long day for her. I felt her shift and roll over to her side. I followed suit and spooned her. Her hair was in my face and my hand was on her hip. The dull ache in my leg reminded me of everything that I had lost today.


	29. You Won't Ever Be Lonely

**A/N: Here it is guys. The final chapter. I hope you guys loved this story as much as I do. Thank you for reading it and thank you for reviewing it. I hope that this chapter leaves you feeling satisfied. Stay tuned for my new story. :)**

I walked outside and I could see her riding toward the house. She looked exactly the same as when I first saw her. Her brown hair blowing behind her, unruly and wild. She still managed to take my breath away everytime I saw her. She didn't follow any of the rules and I loved her for it.

It took awhile after Nate's death for everyone to settle in together. Demi and Shane struggled for awhile to rebuild their relationship. They eventually forgave each other and they are closer than they have ever been. With time, the wounds from that day scabbed over and became nothing more than scars.

I watched her as she approached. Her fearless love is what got me through everything. She gave me everything even when it hurt her. She's the part of me that I will always need. Without her, I would fall apart. Just like me, Gracie needed her too. Gracie was five now. She was such a beautiful little girl. She had Demi wrapped around her little finger. There wasn't a thing that she wouldn't do for her. Her patience and devotion were beautiful. She was raising our daughter to be an amazing young lady. The way Gracie looked at her completely blew me away. She adored her and Demi made sure that she met her expectations.

I smiled when I saw Gracie run out the front door to meet her. Demi hopped down off the horse and scooped her up into her arms. Gracie gave her a big sloppy kiss on the lips and wrapped her arms around her neck and held onto to her tightly. I watched as Demi's eyes closed as she savored the hug. That right there is why I love her so much.

"I've said it before and I'll say it again, she can get it. That woman is fucking sexy." Taylor said as she slung her arm over my shoulder.

"I'm so in love with her Tay."

"Me too." She laughed. "Can I tell you a secret?" She asked excitedly.

"Of course." I smiled.

"I'm pregnant!"

"Oh my god!" I said as I hugged her tightly. "I'm so happy Tay!"

"Shane and I decided that we wanted what you and Demi have with Gracie. He loves kids and he insisted we started trying."

"I bet he did..." I teased.

"Shut up!" Taylor laughed.

I went back inside and helped Taylor set the table for dinner. Demi still had to put her horse away so it would be a few minutes before she would be in the house. As always, Gracie helped her.

"Shane will be an amazing father. He's so good with Gracie." I said as I placed several plates down on the table.

"I think that good parenting comes naturally for the Gray family." She replied.

"We'll except for..."

"Yeah, let's just leave that one alone. No need to open old wounds." I interrupted.

"Sorry Sel. I didn't mean..."

"It's ok." I said givin her a reassuring smile. "Let's just leave it where it belongs. Six feet underground."

"Agreed."

I smiled when I heard their boots as they walked across the deck. Demi walked inside first and Shane followed. He had Gracie up on his shoulders and they were singing a Bon Jovi song. Demi hung her hat on the coat rack and walked over to me. She put her arms around me and lifted me up off the ground.

"Hey beautiful." She said against my lips before kissing me softly.

"Hey baby." I whispered back. "I missed you."

She responded by nuzzling into my neck. "Let's take a bath tonight."

I nodded as I felt her lips on my jawline. "Mmm hmm." I mumbled.

"Get a room!" I heard Shane tease.

Demi released me and I ruffled Shane's hair as I passed by. "Don't be jealous." I said with a smirk.

"Ha! You wish." He shot back with a goofy grin.

"Taylor told me the good news."

"What news?" Demi asked as she sat down next to Gracie.

"I'm pregnant!" Taylor answered.

"Oh man." Demi said rolling her eyes. "There goes the neighborhood." She teased.

"You better watch it." Shane warned.

"I'm happy for you guys. Hopefully he or she looks like you Tay, cause this guy." She said pointing at Shane. "Is lacking in the food looks department."

Shane just rolled his eyes and took a drink from his tea. We spent the rest of dinner talking about the day an teasing each other. Once we were finished, Demi went upstairs with Gracie to get her ready for bed. I stayed downstairs to help clean up and once I finished I went up to join them. I smiled when I heard Demi singing to Gracie.

_If you're lost you can look _

_And you will find me_

_Time after time_

_If you fall I will catch you_

_I will be waiting_

_Time after time_

When she finished singing, she pulled the blankets up to Gracie's chin and kissed her forehead.

"Goodnight baby." She said softly. "Sweet dreams."

She got up and came toward me. "She's ready asleep." She said quietly.

I nodded and gave Gracie a kiss and I turned out the lights as I left the room. I could hear bath water running as I headed toward our bedroom. The room was dark with exception of the dim candlelight that lit up the bathroom. I walked in as she was undressing. She winked at me before she lowered herself into the tub. I could feel her eyes on me as I removed my clothes to join her. That predatory look she always had when we first met had returned. I bit my lip as I lowered myself into the hot bubbly water. I sat in between her legs and rested my back against her chest. She wrapped her arms around me and laced our fingers together. I rested the back of my head against her shoulder.

"You're perfect." I said smiling and bringing her knuckles to my lips and kissing them gently.

"No really. I just learn from my mistakes."

"I love you Demi."

"I love you too."

"We've come a long way, haven't we?" I asked her.

"We sure have. I used to think that I would always be miserable and wanting you." She confessed.

"Me too." I said sadly.

"I would've waited forever you know." She whispered in my ear.

I didn't answer because I felt her lips on my neck. I rolled my head to the side to give her better access. I felt her hands as she neaded my breasts. This was all that mattered to me. She was my life. I turned so I could kiss her. Her lips were soft and fit against mine perfectly. I softly moaned when I felt her tongue enter my mouth.

I spent the rest of the night in her arms. She knew every inch of my body like the back of her hand. As I laid across her chest completely exhausted, I knew that I would always be safe with her. Her love was endless and it belonged to me.


End file.
